Amazing Final Fantasy Race
Rejected Audition Tapes

Delita and Teta waited at Igros Castle and watched the sunset. They sat on a grass hill and spoke to the camera.

DELITA: I really don't understand those cameras.

TETA: Magic, I think.

DELITA: Well either way, hello everybody. I'm Delita and this is my lovely sister, Teta. (she waves to the camera) We would like to be on your show to show that commoners are just as capable as--LOOK OUT!

Delita dives on Teta and shields her with his body. A few seconds later, a slowly-falling leaf landed on Delita's back. He waits another second or two before moving off her and resuming his conversation.

DELITA: Sorry, my sister is just very accident-prone.

TETA: Am not!

DELITA: Of course not, dear sister. So anyway, we are going to prove that commoners are just as capable as nobles. We are all still people and on the race, there is no nobility. We--CRAP TETA LOOK OUT!

Delita jumps to his feet and unsheathes his sword. Teta looks around and finally finds the source of the trouble: three little girls walking into Igros Castle's nearby entrance.

DELITA: JUST CALM THE HELL DOWN, KIDS!

THE KIDS: What?

DELITA: We don't want any trouble. She's not worth it!

THE KIDS: We just want to go ins--

DELITA: THEY'RE GETTING AGGRESSIVE! CRUSH PUNCH! SPLIT SWORD! LIGHTNING STAAAAAAB!

Delita unleashes a barrage of sword skills against the kids. The camera quickly pans over to Teta and tries to keep the massacre of children off screen. All that is seen is some blood that splatters on her cheek.

DELITA: (returning to Teta) OH NO THEY GOT YOU!

TETA: I'm okay. It's not my blood. It's never my blood.

DELITA: GOD HAS FORSAKEN US ALL!

TETA: I'm glad my brother is so protective, but he tends to overreact. I think it could be problematic on the race, but I would love to show that I am capable and that he can rely on me sometimes, too.

DELITA: I'm sorry, Teta, but that will never happen.

TETA: Why? Because I'm a commoner?

DELITA: You know that's not it. We're both common--OH MY GOD LOOK OUT!

Delita grabs ahold of Teta in an excessively powerful hug. Their hair blows slightly, then Delita releases her.

TETA: What was that?

DELITA: That was a vicious breeze!

TETA: You see? You're so protective! It's charming, but I don't need protection! I may be a commoner but I'm still--

DELITA: A girl.

TETA: What?

DELITA: A girl. Teta, you are a girl. Girls are far insuperior to boys. The world thinks that the hierarchy is: noble men, noble women, commoner men, commoner women. But this is a lie. It's actually men, chocobos, skeletons, cougars, goblins, women, you.

TETA: Wait just a minute!

DELITA: This is God's order! Or maybe just my order. But still, it's right. After all, if I wanted, I could kill anything on that list, because I am a man and I am in the highest order. You, for example, couldn't kill anything because you are on the bottom of the list.

TETA: That's not true! I'll show you!

Teta pulls a small dagger from hidden somewhere under her skirt and prepares to stab Delita, but accidentally cuts her leg in the process.

DELITA: TETA! NO!!!

TETA: I'm okay, it's just--

DELITA: Even you want to kill you! I have to protect you from you! And so I shall. CRUSH PUNCH!

Delita unleashes his sword skill against Teta, who slumps over afterward.

DELITA: TETA! NOOOO! Dammit, I killed you! I have to protect you from me! HOLY EXPLOSION! NIGHT SWORD! That didn't help! HELLCRY PUNCH! Crap, where's my sword!? EQUIP CHANGE!

Delita unleashes a barrage of attacks against himself until the camera finally gives up and shuts off.