Amazing Final Fantasy Race
Rejected Audition Tapes

Doga stood beside Unei in his large manor. Several moogles were behind them doing chores.

DOGA: We would like to be on your race.

Unei starts to snore.

DOGA: Wake up! (he shakes Unei until she wakes up)

UNEI: What what!? Oh, it's you. What's going on?

DOGA: We're applying for that race. The one we watch together every night.

UNEI: You know I don't watch that! I fall asleep through when we hit the first commercial!

DOGA: You can sleep when you're dead! For now, we're going to race. You won't be sleeping when you're the one racing.

Unei starts to snore.

DOGA: Wake up! (he shakes Unei until she wakes up again)

UNEI: I was having the best dream.

DOGA: What about?

UNEI: Well, I was asleep, and you were dead and couldn't wake me up!

DOGA: Well save the dreaming for later! Now let's talk about our qualities as racers. We both know magic, for one.

UNEI: Wisdom.

DOGA: Yes, we're wise beyond our years.

UNEI: We know when to let people sleep.

DOGA: I...what?

Unei starts to snore.

DOGA: Wake up! (he shakes Unei until she wakes up)

UNEI: OH dratnabit! I was having the best dream, too!

DOGA: What about?

UNEI: There was a peaceful world with no conflict whatsoever.

DOGA: Sounds nice.

UNEI: It was. You see, the entire world found an outlet for all their hatred.

DOGA: What was that?

UNEI: Well, you were trapped in a cage and whenever people got mad, they threw their shoes at you!

Unei takes off her shoe and throws it weakly at Doga's head.

DOGA: Ouch! Dangit, woman! Just be quiet for a minute and let's get through this interview so we can go on the show.

UNEI: What show?

DOGA: The one we watch together every night!

UNEI: I don't watch it. I hate that show.

DOGA: You say that about everything.

UNEI: I hate everything.

DOGA: Well that's not my--

UNEI: Except that one show with all the cute boys that want to win the love of that beautiful lady.

DOGA: What show is that?

UNEI: That one we watch every night! In fact, I think it's on right now!

DOGA: What are you talking about?

Unei starts to snore.

DOGA: Wake up! (he shakes Unei until she wakes up)

UNEI: I pick you! ....Oh what the hell? I was just at the finale!

DOGA: Do that on your own time. We have a race to apply for!

UNEI: I want to know who I picked!

Unei starts to snore.

DOGA: Fine.

Doga leaves and talks to the moogles. A few seconds later, the moogles carry over a large coffin and carefully place Unei inside it.

DOGA: She hates when she wakes up in a coffin, floating down a river.

Doga and the moogles walk outside with the coffin. Eventually there is a splash heard, just before the camera shuts off.