Amazing Final Fantasy Race
Rejected Audition Tapes

Edward sat at a table eating cereal while Tellah snuck into the room behind him.

TELLAH: Whatcha doin' with that spoon, boy?

EDWARD: GAH!

Edward spilled his cereal and tried to exit the room through the back door, but Tellah caught up to him and pulled him back.

TELLAH: You can't hide from me, bardy-boy!

EDWARD: I hate bonding with you though! We are not even related!

TELLAH: Not by blood, no. But I think we have more than that now.

EDWARD: I am sorry to say, but Anna is gone, and she was the only link connecting you and me.

TELLAH: Don't make me meteo your house again!

EDWARD: No please don't!!!

TELLAH: That's what I thought. Now, we're going to bond. Anna told me before she passed that she just wanted you and I to get along, and that's just what we're going to do.

EDWARD: (after a short pause) If it was Anna's wishes, then I suppose I will try to bond with you. I would and still will do anything for her.

TELLAH: Great! Let's do something bondy.

EDWARD: Do you like to sing? We could make a song together.

TELLAH: I don't make music with other men. Let's do something less gay.

EDWARD: ...Okay. How about a card game? Poker? Go Fish? Blackjack? Hearts? Spoons?

TELLAH: No, something more fun and exciting.

EDWARD: Video games?

TELLAH: Be a man, Edward! Let's do something else. Outdoors. I have the perfect thing in mind.

EDWARD: Fishing?

TELLAH: I think you know what it is, boy.

EDWARD: Is it related to all the cameramen in this house right now?

TELLAH: Maybe.

EDWARD: Maybe we can just go camping?

TELLAH: JUST SAY IT!

EDWARD: I will not do the Amazing Final Fantasy Race with you!

TELLAH: OH COME ON! It'll be fun!

EDWARD: No no no no no!

Edward races out of the room, but stumbles on a nearby footstool. As he tries to get away, Tellah grabs him by the ankle and drags him back into the room.

TELLAH: Stop trying to hide all the time! Now come on, say something that'll make them want to take us!

EDWARD: Why can't you?

TELLAH: I'm not allowed to. I may--or may not--have insulted them and meteo-ed their houses.

EDWARD: What's wrong with you?

TELLAH: Now make them take us!

EDWARD: I'm so upset that you learned how to use meteo again... Okay, if you'll stop hurting people, I'll explain.

TELLAH: Deal.

EDWARD: A long time ago, I fell in love with a young woman named Anna. But being a prince--

TELLAH: Wait, who's a prince?

EDWARD: I am. The prince of Damcyan.

TELLAH: YOU WERE A PRINCE!?

EDWARD: I still am. Well, I'm king now.

TELLAH: What the FORK is wrong with me!? I kept my daughter from marrying a king!?

EDWARD: I was still a prince at the time.

TELLAH: My little dish, Anna, was running away with a prince! Not some spoony bard! All this forkin' time I thought she was going to marry some cheeseburger, but no, she had a steak!

EDWARD: (after a short pause) Are you hungry or something?

TELLAH: Are you treating, your majesty?

EDWARD: Can we bond over lunch and never speak again?

TELLAH: Yes.

EDWARD: Then yes. Definitely. All you can eat.

TELLAH: Woo!