Amazing Final Fantasy Race
Rejected Audition Tapes

Scarlet and Heidegger both sat in one of the two pilot seats of a large mechanical monster called the Proud Clod.

SCARLET: Kya ha ha! We're back! Last year's winners, still waiting for our reward money.

HEIDEGGER: Gya ha ha! That's right. I, President Shinra, am still in need of my hard-earned money!

SCARLET: Yes, and I, that prissy Rufus, am waiting on my money so I can pay off these fabulous breasts I've had implanted.

HEIDEGGER: And I've been waiting so long that I grew a beard!

SCARLET: But we can overlook all of that if you'll just hand us our check.

The cameraman holds up a picture of Shinra & Rufus to split-screen with Scarlet and Heidegger, then shakes his camera left and right to say "no" to them.

SCARLET: Oh come on! We could pass for them! Give us their money!

HEIDEGGER: I think they already got their money.

SCARLET: Then do we have to kill them for it?

HEIDEGGER: Should be easy! Rufus is such a weak little weanie! Gya ha ha!

SCARLET: And President Shinra is such a fattie! Kya ha h-- You're not laughing.

HEIDEGGER: He weighs seven pounds less than I do.

SCARLET: Well you're...taller? It doesn't matter! We'll still kill him.

HEIDEGGER: Gya ha ha! Yeah! Also they already got the money!

SCARLET: WHAT!?

HEIDEGGER: Yeah, in the season finale thing on a different program. The Early Final Fantasy Show.

SCARLET: Wait, so I was supposed to watch two stupid shows to know how two already rich bastards got richer?

HEIDEGGER: Yep.

SCARLET: Well...fine! Now that we know, we'll kill them and take their lots of money! Kya ha ha!

HEIDEGGER: They're on vacation. But I'm not one to miss a laugh opportunity! Gya ha ha!

SCARLET: Knock that off! Okay, so if they're on vacation, then we'll ambush them when they get home! They'll never see it coming! Kya ha ha!

HEIDEGGER: Gya ha ha! Perfect! So now we just need to keep them from knowing our plan and we'll be rich! Gya ha ha!

SCARLET: Kya ha ha!

HEIDEGGER: Gya ha ha!

SCARLET: Kya ha ha!

HEIDEGGER: Gya ha ha!

SCARLET: Kya ha ha!

HEIDEGGER: Gya ha ha!

SCARLET: Kya ha...wait, but this jerk is filming us! If this video goes public...

Scarlet and Heidegger look menacingly at the cameraman. There is a long pause, then the two jumped at the cameraman, who dropped the camera. The camera caught a few seconds of footage after the drop, including the cameraman fleeing the scene.

SCARLET: Perfect. Got the tape. This'll never see the light of day.

HEIDEGGER: .....You know, he is a few centimeters shorter than me.