Introducing the Teams
EXT.
BRIDGE TO DJOSE TEMPLE
An oddly
dressed man with spiky hair and a jet-black eye patch (GIPPAL) walks forward
along the old rock bridge.
GIPPAL:
Good evening and welcome to the first ever, Amazing Final Fantasy Race: a
race around several worlds where eleven teams of two compete for one million gil.
I’m your host, Gippal, and these are your eleven teams.
Two young
men sit in red thrones side by side. The man on the right is dressed very
elegantly with armor, a family crest, and a green cape (EDGAR). The other is
dressed in army fatigues and a white tank top (SABIN).
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Figaro Castle, Edgar and Sabin Figaro.
EDGAR:
(to camera) This competition will be no problem for us. We each have important
roles to stick to on this race. I’m here to work any gadgets we may encounter
along the way, and also to flirt with as many girls as possible. For racing
purposes of course.
SABIN:
(to camera) I’m here to do everything difficult. Heavy lifting is zero problem
for us. (to Edgar) But bro, I want to hit on the babes too.
EDGAR:
(to Sabin) Are you crazy? You’d waste too much time. I’m only hitting on the
ladies for race information purposes. Earlier flights and such.
A large
Rastafarian man with giant red hair and pale skin (AMARANT) holds a redheaded,
medium-skinned woman (LANI) by the neck. Lani is kicking at Amarant vigorously;
aiming for lower regions, but never connecting.
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From locations unknown, Amarant Coral and Lani.
AMARANT:
(to camera) I hate TV. I’m just here because I’m poor, and it seems like an
easy million.
LANI: (to
camera) I picked the Flamer to be on my team because he’s strong and devoted
to money. Almost as devoted as I am. I’ll do anything to win that money.
Anything from decapitating innocents to sleeping with stewards and stewardesses
for better flights.
Two older
men stand back-to-back, both with their arms crossed. The man on the left is
wearing a red outfit with a high collar and sunglasses (AURON). The man on the
right has shaggy black hair and an odd symbol tattooed on his chest (JECHT).
GIPPAL(O.S):
From Zanarkand and Bevelle respectively, Jecht and Auron.
JECHT:
(to camera) We were tricked onto this show, and now they won’t let us leave.
AURON:
(to camera) They told us Tidus and Wakka were going to race, so we signed up to
beat them. Now they’re telling us they didn’t pass a drug test or something,
so now they can’t race.
JECHT:
(to Auron) At least that means we won’t have much competition. We’ll take
that million, no problem.
A fat man
in a red suit (PRESIDENT SHINRA) smokes a cigar. Behind him, a young
strawberry-blonde man in a white trench coat (RUFUS) jumps up and down behind
Shinra, only visible to the camera while in the air.
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Midgar, President Shinra and his son, Rufus.
RUFUS:
(to camera) We won’t win. Look at this fat-ass. He’s licking a chicken
skeleton clean as we speak. I guess we’ll just have to hope for eating
contests for every leg of the race.
A young
man with brown hair, dressed in black (SQUALL) stands tall at attention. A young
woman with black hair and an odd outfit with a blue cape (RINOA) has her arms
around Squall as if claiming him for herself.
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Balamb Garden and Timber, Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly.
SQUALL:
(to camera) ...
RINOA:
(to camera) We’re going to win because we have a bond like no other! He’s so
good at everything, so I’m just going to follow him and let him do just about
everything. It’s the strategy we worked out.
A man in
a large suit of armor (STEINER) stands saluting beside a busty woman with
slightly less practical armor (BEATRIX).
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Alexandria, Beatrix and Adelbert Steiner.
STEINER:
(to camera) We need this money really bad. We accidentally, I mean, well, we-
Beatrix, would you explain?
BEATRIX:
(to camera) Well, we were told one day to guard the castle while Queen Garnet
was away, and we took some time out to have some ‘us’ time. Long story
short, we ruined a lot of Queen Garnet’s clothes by accident, and we need the
full million for cleaning bills.
STEINER:
(to Beatrix) Well done. That was a perfect and vague explanation, Queen
Beatrix.
A
silver-haired man in a black trench coat (SEPHIROTH) walks in circles, looking
for his deformed mother (JENOVA), who comes in from the left.
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Nibelheim, Sephiroth and Jenova.
SEPHIROTH:
(to camera) Mother said to win this show, so I guess I have to.
JENOVA:
...
SEPHIROTH:
(looking off to the side) What? You serious? Oh great. Apparently the camera’s
audio won’t pick up Mother’s “voice.” This is going to be a long race.
An old
man with a white Mohawk in a red cloak (STRAGO) laughs triumphantly beside a
small girl with a red bandana (RELM) who is also laughing.
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Thamasa, Strago Magus and Relm Arrowny.
STRAGO:
(to camera) Ha! All who doubt our abilities can kiss my extremely white ass!
We’ll overcome everybody’s expectations of the old man/little girl team.
RELM: (to
camera) Yeah! What he said! Kiss his white ass!
Two young
women stand close to each other making extremely seductive poses. The one on the
right has short brown hair and a very revealing outfit with a pink hood (YUNA).
The one on the left has long blonde hair and a thong bikini covered by
additional clothing accessories (RIKKU).
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Besaid and ‘Home’ in the Sanubia Desert, your favorites and mine, High-Summoner
Yuna and Rikku.
YUNA: (to
camera) We’re going to be number one! There’s no stopping us!
RIKKU:
(to camera) We won’t settle for anything less than perfect! We’re going to
win because no man can resist helping us and our four bouncy friends!
YUNA: (to
camera) Yeah- wait, what?
A large
black man with sweatpants (RAIJIN) has his arm around a young woman with short,
silver hair and a blue outfit (FUJIN). Fujin kicks him in the shin, and he lets
go.
GIPPAL(O.S.):
From Balamb Garden, Raijin and Fujin.
FUJIN:
(to camera) UNDEFEATABLE!
RAIJIN:
(to camera) Yeah, it’s like she says ya know? We’re a force to be reckoned
with ya know. I’ve got strength to help me out, and Fujin’s got the people
skills.
FUJIN:
(to Raijin) RAGE!
RAIJIN:
(running away) Oh shit!
Two young
women look confusedly at each other. The one on the left has very short silver
hair and black leather (PAINE). The one on the right has long black hair, a
black miniskirt and a tight, white shirt (TIFA).
GIPPAL(O.S.):
And our final team, one from locations unknown and the other from Nibelheim,
Paine and Tifa Lockheart.
TIFA: (to
camera) Umm. I think there’s been a mistake. I’ve never met this woman. We
can’t possibly race. Are you guys serious?
PAINE:
(to camera) Yeah, I was just heading home. I was going to be on Rikku and
Yuna’s team, but they said only two to a team, so I’m leaving. You’re
really serious about us being on a team?
TIFA:
(short pause) Well, I guess we’re a team then. (to Paine) Hi, I’m Tifa.
PAINE:
(to Tifa) Paine.
GIPPAL:
Here’re your eleven teams who’ll race around the worlds, checking in at
checkpoints and doing assigned tasks. We’re starting here in Spira, and the
final checkpoint will be right back here in Spira, though it may not be here at
Djose. (looking to the eleven teams lining up behind him) Teams, are you ready?
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