Episode 1: Early Show

INT. STUDIO

A young, dark man with slicked up white hair (BARALAI) sat in a blue director's chair in a small studio with an obviously fake backdrop of a window overlooking an impossibly beautiful cityscape. Across from Baralai sat Sephiroth in a similar director's chair, and Jenova who chose to sit on the floor.

BARALAI: Good evening and welcome back to The Early Final Fantasy Show. Today we have a special event. We're here with the first round's cut from The Amazing Final Fantasy Race hosted by our buddy Gippal. Welcome to the show, Sephiroth and his mother Jenova. Welcome guys.

SEPHIROTH: Hey. Oh, and Mother says 'hi Regis, it's great to be here.'

BARALAI: I see our camera equipment doesn't pick up your Mother's speech either. So I was wondering, the whole time watching this new show, I was watching you two and wondering if the fact that you had to continuously tell the camera what Jenova was saying slowed you two down at all.

SEPHIROTH: Nope. Why would it?

BARALAI: I umm, I don't know. But tell me now, how'd you two manage that detour so quickly? I mean, you two did that so fast, I thought there was no way you'd get anything lower than fourth place.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah, well, between Mother's excellent powers of deduction, and my modern invention known as a watch, we were set.

BARALAI: R-right. So Jenova. We can only imagine what went on in that auction house, but since you experienced it, what would you say went wrong in there?

SEPHIROTH: She said it was just too complicated with the auctioneer going a mile a minute saying stuff like 'do you want your clue now' and 'should I just put you down for 10,000 like everybody else' and other annoying things. Or, put in my own words: Mother didn't know what the hell was going on. We love the show though, even if we're not on it anymore. It was kind of fun, and it's interesting to watch the other teams compete.

BARALAI: So what teams are you two cheering for now?

SEPHIROTH: Well, Mother is still cheering for us. She thinks we can pull it out in the end. As for me, I'm mostly cheering for the all girl teams. I'll always cheer for Tifa, and those other three girls from your Spira place are pretty hot too, but I think I'd feel pretty disgraced if -I believe their names were Yuna and Rikku-

BARALAI: Right, Rikku and High Summoner Yuna.

SEPHIROTH: Yeah. They're pretty dumb. If they win, then I'll feel pretty upset about being beaten by them.

BARALAI: So, I'll bet this whole experience was a life changing event, wouldn't you say so?

SEPHIROTH: No. Burning down an entire town, killing entire lines of families, and threatening an entire planet with destruction in order to become God of the planet, now that's a life changing experience. This was kind of weird. Oh, but Mother, the Crisis from the Skies herself says that it changed her life and she'll never look at apple pie the same.

BARALAI: I see. Well, if given the opportunity, would you do the show again?

SEPHIROTH: Me? Hell no. I won't ever win with Mother as a partner, and I can't leave her alone long enough to take a different partner. As far as Mother goes, she says and I quote 'I would jump at the opportunity to go on that show it looks like so much fun I wonder how I could sign up because I think I've got what it takes to win.' End quote.

BARALAI: Okay, well our producer Nooj is telling me this segment is boring our audience, so it's time to cut it off. Thank you both for coming.