Episode 2: Part 2

     Sabin had finally squeezed into the merchant's clothes and found the small boy that would let him through to the old man with his clue.
     "Merchant, r-right?" the boy stuttered, looking at Sabin.
     Sabin couldn't exactly fit into the clothes, so he fixed them to fit by tearing off sleeves, ripping pants into shorts, and holding a belt in place because it wouldn't wrap all the way around him. Sabin laughed at the kid's stutter and patted him on the head. He made a fist with the other hand and did a one handed cheer as if to cheer the word 'yes!'
     "Don't worry boy," Sabin said. "These muscles are just the product of a vigorous exercise. Maybe I'll teach you a think or two one day so you can be as big as me. Ha ha!"
     "Really will you?" the boy said enthusiastically.
     "Probably not," Sabin replied as he walked up the stairs laughing. "Just teasin' kiddo. Stop by Figaro Castle someday and I'll show you a thing or two."
     Sabin rounded the corner and found the old man with his clue. The old man glared at him evilly, then handed him the clue. Sabin raised an eyebrow at him, then raced out the front door to find Edgar.
     He found Edgar by the stables with what looked like most of the teams, only one from each team though. No doubt the rest were beginning their roadblock. He waved the clue in the air and Edgar ran to him.
     "Good job Sabin," Edgar said. "Let's read it over there."
     Edgar and Sabin ran to a secluded corner by several boxes and read the clue.
     "Travel by boat to the city of Mobliz."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must use the ferry service at South Figaro to travel to the distant city of Mobliz. The city which was formerly outcast for being on a dangerous plain of monsters known as the Veldt, but has recently put in a dock to allow for travel by boat. The boats in South Figaro are scheduled to leave every half hour.

<Edgar & Sabin: Brothers, Currently in 1st>
     "Let's get a move on Sabin," Edgar said. "The boat'll leave in a couple minutes. If we can make it we'll have at least a half hour lead on all the teams."
     Edgar and Sabin ran for the boat at the docks and purchased tickets to Mobliz, then boarded the boat and waited for it to leave.

     Lani started her search for a merchant in the mansion in the northwestern part of the town, figuring merchants could never leave the rich alone. She walked into the front door with her large axe drawn and started sneaking around the house. She crouched down and crept through the house bent over thinking it would be best to remain unseen. The camera man following her made sure to stay ahead of her to keep the shot down her shirt. She moved to the stairs and started going up when she heard a female voice behind her.
     "Excuse me," the voice said innocently.
     "Not now, piss off!" Lani yelled back without seeing who it was, but figuring it was another racer wanting some help.
     "I just wanted to know if you wanted to buy anything. I have many potions and tunics which could help an adventurer such as yourself."
     Lani's ears perked up at the mention of the sales and turned around to face her. The girl was a wandering female merchant, wearing a dark blue miniskirt and tube top covered by a large, dark colored trench coat and topped with a plumed hat resting on her head.
     "Perfect," Lani said. "I'll be taking your clothes now."
     The girl giggled. "I'm sorry ma'am, but I cannot sell you the clothes on my back."
     "Sell? I'm not buying shit," Lani said, then immediately lunched for the girl with her axe. With one swift swing of the axe, she decapitated the merchant and smiled sadistically. The girl's head began to roll down the stairs with the plumed hat still on it.
     "Crap, I need that," Lani said as she chased the head down the stairs. Once she was at the bottom she picked up the head and pulled the hat off. She placed the hat on her head and rolled the head into the corner of the room.
     "And now for the clothes," Lani said as she walked toward the staircase, when suddenly the body came tumbling down the stairs at her. The body crumpled at her feet. "Wow. They're just handing this roadblock to me." Lani started undressing the merchant girl and putting on her clothes.

     Beatrix began her search for a merchant on the raised walkway at the north end of the city. She had spotted a merchant there before the roadblock was even announced and was hoping to reach the staircase across the town before anybody else did. She ran like a soldier running into battle with her shoulder down and one hand on her unsheathed sword. Once she reached the stairs and started up them, she noticed across the town that another racer had also seen the merchant.
     Jecht had stayed by the chocobo stables a few seconds longer than the other racers to stretch out when he noticed Beatrix headed up the stairs. He looked all around the raised walkway and spotted the merchant almost directly above him. He knew he wouldn't beat her by getting to the stairs and passing her, but he took another route. He started moving a few crates by the chocobo stables around to make a staircase for him, looking over his shoulder for Beatrix every couple seconds.
     Beatrix reached the male merchant at the end of the walkway and drew her sword on him.
     "I humbly request your clothing in exchange for your life," she said to him.
     "Fat chance!" Jecht yelled. He had pulled himself up to the walkway so that he was shoulder level with the base of it. Then without warning, he reached out and grabbed the merchant's ankle, then pulled him to the ground and under the railing.
     Beatrix attempted to grab for the merchant, but Jecht had pulled him too fast. In a desperate maneuver, she extended her sword out and stabbed his plumed hat, pulling it off his head and back to herself.
     "Hey cocksucker!" Beatrix yelled at Jecht. "That's my merchant!"
     "Look again sweatheart," Jecht said as he jumped off the crates and pulled the merchant to the floor. "This one's mine as you can see."
     "You need every piece of clothing in order to complete the task," Beatrix said, then started waving the hat back and forth. "See anything you like?"
     "Hand it over bitch. This merchant is mine, and by taking his hat, you're risking a huge penalty."
     "Really?" Beatrix asked, messing with the hat in her hands.
     "I dunno! But throw the hat down here! You're wasting both our time!"
     "Throw it? Okay," Beatrix said, then threw the hat as far out of the city as she could. It soared far into the tree line and vanished from sight.
     "Dammit! Fine! He's yours!" Jecht yelled, abandoning the merchant and running into the nearby cafe.
     Beatrix waited for him to get completely inside, then reached down to the bottom of her shirt and started reeling in a large, practically invisible string that extended out to the trees. Soon enough the plumed hat climbed up the wall and into Beatrix's hands. She put the hat on her hand and ran to the edge of the walkway, placing a hand on the railing and jumping over the side. She landed, catching herself with one hand flat on the ground and the other on her sword out of instinct, then made her way to the unconscious merchant and started taking his clothes.

     Lani walked up to the kid guarding the stairs. She was dressed in the bloody clothes from the decapitated merchant. The boy looked at her funnily.
     "What's the matter kid?" Lani asked. "I'm a merchant or whatever. Let me through."
     "You're all bloody though," he said. "How'd you get so bloody?"
     "I killed your grandmother. Look kid, just let me through."
     "Did you kill one of our merchants? That's against the rules. I can't let you through. You need to get a clean-"
     "Look kid," Lani interrupted. "I'll let you look at my tits if you let me through."
     "Yes ma'am!"

<Edgar & Sabin: Brothers, Currently in 1st>
     "We going yet?" Sabin asked Edgar. Both were sitting on the ship alone, waiting to leave.
     "Should be in just a minute," Edgar said. "Only thirty more seconds."
     "Hold that ship!" Lani yelled.
     Lani was running quickly for the ship, holding two tickets above her head. Amarant walked his normal slow pace, cutting corners by jumping off of things instead of taking the given stairs and ramps. Both boarded, then seconds later, the boat departed.
     "How'd you beat us?" Lani asked the brothers.
     "A shortcut," Edgar said. "We live here ya know. That city we were just in is named after us."
     "That's such bullshit! We'd better go to Lani Land next then!" Lani said sarcastically.
     "You have a city named after you too?" Sabin asked enthusiastically.
     "No! That was sarcasm! Fag!"
     "Feel free to hurt her," Amarant said.
     "Feel free to suck me Amarant," Lani yelled back.

     Raijin continued to wander the city in search of the merchants. It didn't seem like there were many just walking the streets, so Raijin made his way to the weapon shop in the northeastern corner of the city. He peeked his head in the door and immediately saw two men dressed as merchants standing by the fireplace in the middle of the room. They were having some sort of turf argument about who was allowed to work in the weapon shop who was allowed to work in the armor shop. Since the weapon shop and armor shop were joined together in this particular city, they argued like two kids sharing a room and drawing a line down the middle.
     Raijin poked his head back outside the door and looked around the city. He saw Squall and Jecht still looking around for a merchant.
     "Psst! Squall!" Raijin yelled in a half whisper, half yell to Squall.
     Squall turned and saw Raijin sticking out of the weapon shop yelling for him. Since he was half in the building and half out, Squall decided he either needed help, or was offering help. Since at this point he had nothing to offer in return, Squall decided the latter. He walked over to Raijin normally to keep Jecht from knowing they were up to anything. Once Squall was close enough, Raijin initiated the conversation.
     "Squall, I was wonderin'," Raijin said. "Did ya wanna form an alliance or something? We could make a pretty strong alliance ya know."
     "Why? What could you offer me to help?" Squall asked.
     "Oh that's cold man," Raijin said. "Fujin and I are capable people ya know. See check it out. I've even found a couple of the merchant guys right in here, see?"
     Squall pushed passed Raijin and looked inside the shop. He looked at Raijin, gave a half smile, and walked into the shop.
     "Come on Squall!" Raijin protested. "You can't just use me like that ya know! Do we got an alliance or what?"
     "Whatever," Squall said.
     "I'll take that as a yes," Raijin said. He went into the store after Squall and grabbed the larger of the two merchants. "We're gonna kick ass ya know? Balamb for life!"

     After hearing stories of Locke's trials in South Figaro a long time back, Relm finally remembered that the first merchant outfit he ever grabbed was in the item shop, so up to this point, finding the item shop was Relm's only goal. After searching for a while, she finally found the shop on the east side of the town. She walked into the shop and saw a male merchant in the corner, stashing an elixir in the grandfather clock.
     She crept into the room unnoticed and crawled behind the merchant. While the merchant was distracted, she jumped up and grabbed the hat off his head, trying to be as sneaky as possible. She wasn't a very good thief though. The merchant felt the hat come off his head and turned to see what was going on.
     "What the hell little girl?" he said.
     "I was just trying to get your attention," Relm said. "I'm with an organization called 'Theatre for the Dying' and our objective is to put on plays for dying umm, kidfolks, and I was wondering if we could use your costume for the play."
     "Sorry kid, no dice. These are the only clothes I've got. I can't go handing my pants to some puny girl."
     "Aww. What a party-pooper. Oh well. I tried. Man, I could really go for an elixir right about now."
     "Sorry kid, I'm all out."
     "I understand. I hear the shipping tax on elixirs is massive high. In fact, I read in the paper the other day how the cops are really cracking down on the elixir racketeering that's been going on lately. Seems there's some merchant folk out there hiding elixirs in big ol' clocks to avoid paying the shipping tax, that way they can sell them to the item stores for the same price but avoid the shipping cost. Very sneaky of them, but very illegal too. Oh well. Have a nice life Mr. Merchant. Maybe I'll see you in ten to twenty."
     "Anyone ever told you you're way too educated for your own good?" the merchant asked, removing his jacket.

     Jecht made his way back to the clue box with the team members that weren't doing the roadblock. He found Auron standing by the chocobo stables, watching over the town.
     "No luck Jecht?" Auron asked.
     "Nah, all these bitches are hiding from me. I don't know if there are even any merchants left in this damn town. They've all been mugged already."
     "Well keep at it, there's gotta be someone left. I wish I could tell you about the one I saw walk into the cafe not two minutes ago, but I really don't know if that's against the rules or not. So just in case I'm not allowed to help you like that, I'll keep my mouth shut."
     "Heh. You always did play by the rules Auron."
     Jecht ran off to the cafe in search of a merchant.

     Once fully dressed, Beatrix made her way past the boy and received her clue from the old man. She headed outside with it and found Steiner.
     "Good job Beatrix-dear!" Steiner said. "Truly cunning. Was it difficult?"
     "Not too bad," Beatrix responded. "One thing confuses me though Adelbert. Is that boy protecting the stairs supposed to ask me to see my you know whats?"
     "Your whats?"
     "You know, my umm, my two guardians to- rats, how'd that go? You've got your two best Pluto Knights."
     "Oh! You mean the two guardians to your chest? That vile hoodlum!"
     "Right. And Adelbert-honey. Be a man and call them tits please."
     "Yes ma'am!" Steiner said, saluting Beatrix. "Now hurry your ass up and move your tits!"
     "Too manly, back off a tad," Beatrix said, pinching her finger and thumb close together. "Now let's go wait by the dock. I think the next boat won't leave for a while, but it'd be good to get tickets."
     Steiner and Beatrix ran off to the docks, closely followed by Squall and Rinoa, Raijin and Fujin, and Relm and Strago, who had finished their roadblock as well. All four teams bought tickets and sat while the boat departed.

     Tifa continued to search the town with no luck. She'd found several already stripped merchants, but they were becoming harder and harder to find anymore. She finally reached the house in the southeast corner of the town and entered. An old woman was sitting at a table. She looked like some sort of fortune teller, and Tifa didn't see any harm in asking.
     "Excuse me," Tifa said. "Can you help me? I'm looking for a merchant to rob of his or her clothes."
     "What? Merchant?" the lady responded, talking loudly. "No merchants ever stop by this house."
     "Oh, I see," Tifa said. "Thanks for you help anyway."
     Tifa started to leave when the old lady leaned toward her and whispered, "Hey, you're looking for a merchant. I might have one for you, but it'll cost you."
     "Really?" Tifa whispered back. "I've got a hundred gil."
     "Fine, that'll get you her clothes," the old lady said. "But if you want a go with her-"
     "No! My partner might, but no. We're in a hurry."
     "Oh I see. Already got a partner. Well I'd offer not to tell, but if you're in a hurry, then she's in the basement."
     "Thanks!" Tifa said as she went down into the small basement.
     Tifa found the merchant bound and gagged in the corner of the small room. Ignoring the kinkiness of it all, Tifa took the merchant's clothes and continued with the roadblock.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Currently in 9th>
     Rikku and Yuna stepped off the second flight from the WGF and turned to wave to Setzer as he flew off. They headed into town to find the clue box. Yuna pulled out the clue and read it.
     "Who is sneaky?" she read. "Is that me?"
     "Ha! Fat chance!" Rikku said. "I'm all over this. Sneaky is my middle name. What do I gotta do?"
     "This clue says you have to take a merchant's clothes and wear them."
     "No problem! I do that all the time!"
     Rikku rushed off to find a merchant. She started her search in the chocobo stables, and sure enough, there was a merchant right inside it. None of the other teams had though of searching the building right next to the clue box. Rikku found the female merchant talking to the stable owner about reserving a chocobo for her trip home. Rikku took advantage of the distracted girl and snuck up on her, hunching over, ready to grab her clothes. She ran forward, reached under the merchant's trench coat, and after a brief fumbling around, she pulled back her hands with the miniskirt. She put the miniskirt on, then caught the eye of the chocobo stable owner. Rikku put a finger to her lips and winked at him. He smiled and lengthened the conversation by shooting the breeze with the merchant. While the merchant's arms were on the counter, Rikku reached under her arms and fumbled around, eventually coming up with the tube top shirt. The hat was even easier to steal since she just jumped up and snagged it, then once the hat and shirt were on, she put her arm inside the trench coat arm that was still being warn by the merchant, but before the merchant noticed, she had already ripped the jacket off her back and thrown it on herself.
     "Thank you!" Rikku yelled to the merchant, and ran out of the stables.
     "Thank you!" the stable owner yelled back to Rikku, eyeing up the female merchant who was standing holding herself in her bra and panties.

     Jecht continued to wander the cafe in search of a merchant, but all he'd seen so far was an already nude one left in the basement. He walked back up to the cafe and walked up to the bar. A shady man in black stood at the bar with his dog. Jecht signaled for the bartender.
     "You seen any merchants around here?" Jecht asked the bartender while cracking his neck and stretching his arms. "My arthritis is killing me and I need one of those softs or something."
     "One came through here not long ago," the bartender said. "Went to the Inn I believe, which is right through that door."
     "Thanks pal," Jecht said, tossing the bartender a small amount of gil. He pointed at the shady man beside him. "Get this guy a drink. He needs to get drunk, laid, or both and fast! He's boring the hell out of me."
     Jecht left the cafe and headed into the Inn. The room directly across from Jecht was open, and inside he saw what appeared to be a merchant's clothes lying on the floor. He looked left and right to make sure nobody was watching him, then walked into the room. He snuck in and picked up the clothes and started to walk back out when he saw a person lying in the bed. It was obviously naked under the covers, and obviously... female.
     "The hell?" Jecht said quietly, pulling the lump of clothes apart and holding a miniskirt apart from the rest. "Oh shit no."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Currently in last place>
     Rufus walked into South Figaro and stood by the clue box. A minute or so later, Shinra walked up, wheezing. He put his hand against a wall and breathed in deeply. Rufus pulled the clue out of the box and read it to himself.
     "I'm doing it of course," Rufus said, watching his overweight father panting. "You know, if you would've just stayed with the brothers like I tried to do, we wouldn't be in this mess. This is the last clue in the box, meaning we've pretty well boned. I'm just glad we finally found that cave after getting directions in that Narshe place."
     "Son," Shinra said between breaths. "I... have something... to tell... you... When-"
     "Save it. I'll do the roadblock and you can tell me later when you can catch your breath. I can't listen to you right now."

     Fully clad in the skankiest of women's clothing, Jecht walked up to the small boy at the bottom of the stairs. He crossed his arms and starting tapping his foot while he waited for the boy to speak. The boy looked like he was going to explode with laughter.
     "Would you hurry the hell up and let me pass?" Jecht asked the kid.
     "Pfffffffffffffffffffft!" the kid finally let out, then fell to his knees laughing.
     Jecht walked upstairs and received his clue from the man, then ripped the merchant's clothes off before stepping outside. He ran over to Auron with the clue and both made their way to the dock. They found Tifa and Paine, and Yuna and Rikku already sitting on the boat, waiting to leave. Auron bought their tickets and both boarded in silence. The boat departed. Auron looked at Jecht over his sunglasses.
     "I know you know," Jecht said. "I thought you'd lead me to a guy merchant. The hell's wrong with you Auron?"
     "I never said I saw a male merchant," Auron said, then gave one short grunt of laughter. "Hmp. So you wore it then? Braska would be proud."
     "Not a word of this to anybody!" Jecht ordered.
     "Of course not. I don't need to when it's televised. I can't wait for the playback."
     "Yeah I'll just bet you can't. But you know, I looked damn good in that skirt."
     "I can only imagine, and I refuse to imagine it."

     Rufus found the boy at the stairs before he found any merchants. He'd seen several naked people whom he figured were merchants that were already robbed. He walked up to the boy at the stairs.
     "What's the deal little boy?" Rufus asked. "There's no merchant people left."
     "There's only one left actually," the boy said. "All the others have all left for the day. No more will come for another few hours."
     "Fine, so where's this last guy? Are you allowed to tell me?"
     "I guess it's fine. The last merchant is around the corner taking a nap."
     "Great. That'll be easy to steal his clothes."
     "Yep. Just head around this small path," the boy pointed around the corner. "SHE's right there, you can't miss her."
     "She?" Rufus said confusedly. He rounded the corner and sure enough there was a small female merchant resting on a counter. "No way, that's it, we're done. I quit."
     Rufus stormed outside and found Shinra at the chocobo stables. He'd finally caught his breath and was now stuffing his face with a sandwich and a beer that he'd gotten at the cafe.
     "Come on Assfat," Rufus said to Shinra. "We're done. We've just quit."
     "The hell? Why would we quit Ralphie?" Shinra asked.
     "There's only one merchant left, and it's a girl. I'm not wearing those clothes on TV- I mean ever!"
     "That's too bad Rufus," Shinra said. Rufus suddenly perked up, noticing his father remembered his name. "I really wanted to win. But if you can't go on, then I guess it's fine. We'll tell that Gippal fellow that we quit because you didn't care about your allowance anymore, nor your inheritance."
     Rufus's eyes narrowed on Shinra. "You fat piece of shit. You're kidding, right?"
     "How does one get a hold of Gippal anyway?" Shinra said, staring into the air.
     "Fine! I'll be right back," Rufus sulked, walking back to the room with the boy and the female merchant.
     "Oh Raul!" Shinra yelled to him.
     "Raul now? Damn that's bad. What is it?"
     "While we were getting direction in that Narshe place, I saw something."
     "What's that?" Rufus asked.
     "I saw the crew setting up the pitstop by the Narshe caves. We already know where this leg ends!"
     "Nice move Fatty," Rufus said. "At least we know where we're going in the end.
     Rufus ran with a new sense of confidence and went into the room. He saw the girl on the table. She started to stir like she about to wake up. Rufus looked around and finally decided on his plan.
     "Hey there cutie," Rufus said politely in her ear, petting her long blond hair softly.
     The girl stirred and opened her eyes slowly, seeing Rufus's face right in front of hers. "H-hey. Who're you?"
     "My name's R-Raul. What's yours?"
     "Rebecca," she said.
     "Rebecca, hey. Listen, I need a favor from you. See, this boy over here says he only lets merchants through, and I need to get through him. I was just wondering if I could borrow your clothes for a couple minutes."
     "I-I can't. My boss would kill me if I let someone wander off with my outfit."
     "Wander off? Oh no no. You can come with me. Afterwards you can have them back. See, a bunch of people have been grabbing merchant clothes because of this race we're in, and when they do, they do it pretty violently. I figure I'd give you the option of just, taking them off and giving them to me."
     "Well thanks, but no thanks. I need something more in return."
     "Well then, how about you come with me a bit longer as our guide afterward. We'll be heading to new places, so I'm sure you can make some nice money on the way, selling in new areas. Plus, I'll throw in a hundred gil if you help me with this part of the race."
     "It's tempting," she said. "Yeah, yeah okay! I'll do it!"
     Rufus sat in a corner and watched the girl undress.
     "At least I get something good out of this cross-dressing thing," Rufus said to himself.
     Once she was undressed, she gave the clothes to Rufus, who put them on as poorly and quickly as he could. Then he put his arm around Rebecca and walked up to the boy at the stairs who was still holding back laughter. That is, until he saw Rufus with an attractive, half-naked woman next to him.
     "Yeah, uh huh. Now move," Rufus ordered the boy. The boy stood to the side and let them pass, taking a final look back at Rebecca.
     Once Rufus received his clue, he handed the clothes back to Rebecca and they left to find Shinra. After filling him in on the Rebecca situation, Rufus and Shinra got in the next boat and headed off to Mobliz.

<Announcer Gippal>
     "The teams are all currently making their way to Mobliz. On the first boat are Edgar and Sabin, and Amarant and Lani. On the second boat leaving a half hour later are: Steiner and Beatrix, Raijin and Fujin, Squall and Rinoa, and Strago and Relm. On the third boat leaving an hour after the first are: Yuna and Rikku, Tifa and Paine, and Auron and Jecht. On the fourth boat, arriving a full hour and a half after the first are Shinra and Rufus."