Episode 2: Early Show

INT. STUDIO

Baralai once again sat in a blue director's chair, only this time, across from him sat Paine and Tifa Lockheart in a similar director's chairs.

BARALAI: Good evening and welcome back to The Early Final Fantasy Show. We're here with the second round's cut from The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Welcome to the show, Dr. P and Tifa.

PAINE: Don't do that.

BARALAI: Sorry. So you two pulled off first place, then immediately dropped to last place. What happened?

TIFA: Well the first round was pretty easy. The detour and the roadblock were both let's say, manipulatable.

PAINE: That's one way to say it.

TIFA: As for the second detour, we got caught up and weren't able to pull out of it.

BARALAI: It seemed to take you a bit longer than others to find a merchant. Was this because you were sticking by your plan to only take the male merchants' clothes to slow down the Shinra team?

TIFA: Well, sort of-

PAINE: Bullshit. You told me on the boat it was because all the merchants you'd found were flat chested and you couldn't fit.

TIFA: I knew it! I knew you'd bring up my br-

PAINE: Don't even turn this around with your obsession with your own-

TIFA: Don't bring that up again! I'm not obsessed wi-

PAINE: We didn't get along. That was our biggest downfall.

BARALAI: I see. So tell me about Auron and Jecht and their trick at the end there.

PAINE: Those cocksmugglers. At the beginning of the leg, they formed an alliance with us in which they told us if we helped them, they wouldn't hurt us. We were expecting something to happen in that footrace to the end, but we expected them to do it to Yuna and Rikku.

BARALAI: I see. Well, while our ratings are higher than ever with you two on the show, we're going to have to end this with one final question. Who are each of you cheering for now?

TIFA: As the only people left from my world, I have to cheer for Rufus and President Shinra. I don't really like them, but you've gotta cheer for your own. As far as other people go, I talked with Rinoa during the rest periods and she seemed really nice, so I'm cheering for her too.

BARALAI: And you Dr. P?

PAINE: I'm going to hurt you at the commercial. I'm cheering for Yuna and Rikku of course, but I've also taken to Amarant and Lani. They're running a decent race, so I wish them the best.

BARALAI: Okay. Thank you both for coming. We hope to see both another day when we're hard up for ratings. N-Nooj? What're you laughing at?

NOOJ (O.S.): You said hard up.

BARALAI: R-right. Till next time then.