Episode 4: Part 1

     Gippal walked around the metallic floors of the dome. "This is the Post-Apocalyptic Future for a parallel universe in the year 2300 A.D. This worthless dome was one of four domes to withstand a devastating attack by a creature known as Lavos, but more importantly, it was the third pitstop in a race around worlds. In the end it came down to a footrace between two teams, and Squall and Rinoa were eliminated. Edgar and Sabin were the first to arrive with a commanding lead, but will they be able to retain this lead? And will Yuna and Rikku be able to come from behind, or will they continue to be bullied by Auron and Jecht? Edgar and Sabin, who were the first to arrive at 7:08 pm will depart at 7:08 am."

<Edgar & Sabin: Brothers, 1st to depart: 7:08 am>
     Edgar ripped open the clue and pulled out a yellow card. "D-detour? What the f-"
     The camera reset and Edgar pretended to open the clue again. "Detour. Sun or Snow?"

<Announcer Gippal>
     "A detour is a choice between two tasks. In Sun, teams must find the infamous Sun Palace and battle a monster known as Son of the Sun. Teams will be shielded from its attacks, but to defeat the creature, teams must randomly choose one of five targets to attack. The creature will spin the targets after every four attacks, so teams must choose carefully. After seven successful hits, teams will receive their next clue. The task is not physically demanding, but the random choice could take teams a long time. In Snow, teams must climb through a massive snowstorm on Death Peak. Once they reach the top, they will receive their next clue. However, the peak has massive snowstorms, which will blow the teams back to the beginning unless they can find an object to hide behind. This task could prove very difficult, but strong teams could finish very quickly."

<Edgar & Sabin: Brothers, Currently in 1st>
     Edgar read further on the clue. "Death Peak's hours of operation are 9:00 am to 5:00 pm, so we'd be waiting a while there. The Sun one opens at 8:00 am though. Let's do that one."
     Sabin agreed, then both ran outside the dome. Outside the dome they found several flying cars near the edge of the land, some colored as taxis. Edgar and Sabin flagged one down and flew to the Sun Palace. Within a few minutes, they reached the Sun Palace and ran inside.
     There was a large floating eyeball with five fires surrounding it. Standing between the eyeball and Edgar and Sabin was a large see-through plate and a crew of about three men wearing "See the Son of the Sun" t-shirts. Edgar and Sabin approached the crew and received a short walkthrough.
     A man handed them each a paintball gun. "All you've gotta do is duck around this corner and shoot at one of those fires. If you're right, you get one point. If you're wrong, it'll shoot fire back at you, so after every hit you've gotta get behind this fireproof shield here," he patted the see-through plate. "Get seven points and you'll get your next clue. Ready? Go!"
     Edgar was first to sneak around the corner. He blasted the fire closest to him and watched to see the result. Sabin grabbed him quickly and pulled him behind the shield just as the eyeball unleashed a fury of flame in Edgar's direction.
     "It's see-through Bro," Sabin said. "You're gonna lose your eyebrows if you keep watching it that closely."
     Sabin took his turn and shot at the fire farthest from him, then jumped behind the plate. Flame shot by him.
     Edgar hopped around the corner and fired at a flame on the left side, then hid just before flames decimated him. "Fifty fifty now Sabin! Pick one!"
     Sabin jumped around the corner and blasted the flame on the right. A '1' appeared on a scoreboard.
     "Yes!" the brothers cheered.
     "Okay, so it's that o-" Edgar watched as the flames spun around the eyeball, eventually coming to a stop. "Umm, okay. It was the far right one!" Edgar jumped around and blasted the far right flame, only to be countered with a blast of flames. "Dammit! This is gonna take forever!"

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, 2nd to depart: 9:03 am>
     Rufus opened the clue. "Detour already. Wonderful. Oh, but we've got it looks like three-hundred gil for this leg. Sun of Snow?"
     "Don't be stupid, Rambo. You're not getting my fat ass up a mountain."
     "I'm just glad I don't have to say it anymore. Let's go."
     Rufus and Shinra ran outside in search of a taxi.

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, 3rd to depart: 9:04 am>
     Beatrix tore open the clue. "Sun or Snow?"
     Steiner stood in thought, pondering the choice.
     "Never mind!" Beatrix shouted. "I have an idea. Come on!"

<Edgar & Sabin: Brothers, 6 Points>
     "The one in back Sabin!" Edgar shouted.
     Sabin jumped out and fired at the rear fire, putting a final point on their scoreboard.
     One of the crew members walked to Edgar and handed him a clue. Edgar ripped it open and read. "Travel to Enhasa, Zeal by way of the Epoch Interdimentional Flights. Caution: yield ahead."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must travel by taxi to Epoch Interdimentional Flights and find a flight to the city of Enhasa in the lost empire of Zeal. Flights there are scarce since they must find the specific point in the timeline where Zeal existed prior to its destruction."

     Edgar and Sabin ran outside and prepared to find a taxi, when suddenly a taxi pulled up. Rufus stepped out and said something to the driver, then both he and Shinra ran inside the Sun Palace. Edgar and Sabin ran to the taxi and hopped in the back.
     "Welcome to Johnny Cab," the automated driver said.
     "Epoch Interdimentional, and step on it!" Edgar yelled to the driver.
     "I'm sorry, but this taxi is currenly being reserved. Thank you, and have a nice day."
     "No no no," Edgar said. "Those guys didn't reserve the taxi, they said they umm-"
     "Deserved!" Sabin piped in. "They said they 'deserved' a taxi. So can you just send them another taxi to pick 'em up and you can take us to Epoch Interdimentional."
     The robot driver rose a middle finger to them. "I'm sorry, this taxi is reserved."
     The doors of the cab opened and Sabin and Edgar were flung out either side.
     "These taxis suck," Sabin said.
     "I know," Edgar said. "Why couldn't they be Jenny Cabs? Those would be hot."
     "Sure, Bro," Sabin said. He pointed to the distance where a taxi stopped for them. "There's one. Let's go."

     Rufus and Shinra ran inside and grabbed their guns behind the plate. Rufus was first to fire and decided to show off a bit, starting everything off with a shot behind his back. He hit the far left fire and watched a '1' appear on their scoreboard.
     "Whoa! Lucky shot! Nice job Raijin!" Shinra said.
     "Umm, Raijin is another one of the racers," Rufus said. "That's a whole new low for you. Now hurry up and shoot the right target."
     "It was the left one," Shinra said.
     "Oh, really? Well I was aiming for the right one."
     "Yeah, that's the last time I let a woman teach you how to fire a gun," Shinra said, shooting the left target and scoring a '2' on their scoreboard.
     "Nobody taught me to shoot!" Rufus yelled. "I just figured it out after watching Mom shoot solicitors!"
     "Yeah, and she was a horrible shot. She usually only shot their briefcases or bibles or whatever they had."
     "That's what she was aim- No, you know what? I don't care what you think. Let's just hurry and do this detour."
     "I'm trying, but it's your shot."

     Steiner and Beatrix stepped out of their cab and looked up at Death Peak. The mountain was huge, but through the snowstorm they could see the man with the clue at the end of it. It wasn't too far from them, but it still looked like it'd be tricky to climb.
     "Ready?" Beatrix asked Steiner.
     "This mountain is nothing!" Steiner cried out. "No mountain will defeat me! I will persevere!"
     "Good, then let's go," Beatrix said.
     Both proceeded up the mountain, heading for the first stationary object, which was a tree. The wind pressed on them hard as they proceeded up, but neither would break down. Steiner had fallen behind, but Beatrix slowed down and waited for him. Just as Beatrix was almost behind the tree, the wind's speed increased dramatically. Beatrix completely lost her footing and went sliding back down the mountain. Steiner put a knee to the ground and lowered his head to the wind, closing his eyes. When the wind stopped, he looked back up and noticed he hadn't moved at all from where he dropped down. Beatrix had already begun to start back up the trail.
     "Beatrix-dear!" Steiner said. "It's amazing! I didn't-" he looked immediately behind him and saw Beatrix pushing him on his back.
     "Onward my human anchor!" Beatrix yelled at Steiner.
     Steiner smiled and started trudging up the mountain. Another harsh wind struck them, but both dropped to a knee and stood their ground. Only a few minutes passed and both reached the top. The man with their clue seemed stunned as he handed the clue to Steiner.
     Steiner opened the clue and read it.
     "Epoch Interdimentional Flights?" Beatrix said. "We passed that in our taxi! It's only a little ways from here. We could probably walk it and be there in no time!"
     "Then let's make haste!" Steiner yelled.
     Both turned and ran as fast as they could down the mountain.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, 4th to depart: 9:29 am>
     Lani ripped the top off the clue and read it out loud. "Detour? Bit early, isn't it?" She shrugged. "Sun or Snow? What do you think, Flamer?"
     "I don't deal in chance," Amarant said.
     "Neither do I," Lani said. "Let's get to that mountain."
     Amarant headed for the door when Lani snuck up behind him and punched him in the back.
     "That's for grabbing my tits last night you sick perverted freak!" Lani yelled.
     Amarant shrugged. "Couldn't have been that good, I don't remember it at all."
     "You bastard! There's not a man alive that wouldn't like a crack at these!" Lani yelled, pointing at her chest. "Even homosexuals like you can't get enough of me and my boys."

<Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, 5th to depart: 9:33 am>
     "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Auron asked Jecht.
     "If it's about how much you'd like a go at that Lani chick's rack like that big dude did last night, then yes."
     "Just making sure," Auron said, ripping open the clue. "Sun or Snow?"
     "Hell if I'm climbing another freezing mountain," Jecht said. "I think I already lost my nipples to frostbite back on Gagazet. Let's do that Sun one."
     "Speaking of nipples on cold mountains," Auron trailed off.
     "Heh. Still. Hot girls in cold places aside, there's no friken way."

<Edgar & Sabin: Brothers, Currently in 1st>
     Edgar and Sabin headed into Epoch Interdimentional Flights and found the counter with an Amazing FF Race flag.
     The woman behind the counter wore filthy rags and had possibly never cleaned her hair in her lifetime. "Can I help you?" she asked in a groggy smoker's voice.
     Edgar gave Sabin a worried look, then looked back to the woman. "Yeah, hi, we need tickets to Enhasa."
     "Arright, we've got a flight at 9:45, but you won't make that. After that we've got a noon flight and a 1:35 flight."
     "The noon please," Edgar requested.
     "Bro!" Sabin yelled, pulling Edgar aside. He whispered to Edgar, "Bro. We've still got ten minutes before the 9:45 one!"
     "Your point? She said no way."
     "I thought you had the ol' Figaro charm! Lay some on her! We need to keep our lead."
     "Did you see her!?" Edgar said, motioning back to the woman. "That's the ugliest woman to ever exist! The only time I thought I saw something uglier, it turned out to be a half-eaten corpse!"
     "Still! Come on, Bro!" Sabin urged.
     Edgar sighed, then turned back to the counter. He slowly tip-toed his fingers towards her hand on the desk and started up her arm. "You sure there's no way a couple of gents like us could get onto that 9:45 flight?"
     The woman smiled. The teeth she still had were covered in plaque and some other black stuff nobody could positively identify. Edgar and Sabin both gasped. "Well, sure, okay," the woman said. "But only because your friend here is cute," the woman motioned to Sabin.
     "Great! Thanks!" Edgar said, grabbing the tickets out of her hand and racing with Sabin to catch their flight.
     "Edgar!" Sabin yelled excitedly. "I was the cute one back there! She actually thought I was cute!"
     "That's amazing. Maybe you should go back there and ask her on a date," Edgar said sarcastically.
     Sabin slowed his pace. "You really think I should?"
     "Are you desperate?" Edgar asked.
     "Well, sort of," Sabin said, slowing even more.
     "No. Come on," Edgar urged, pulling Sabin with him. "Nobody is that desperate. You'll destroy the Figaro name."
     "Sorry, Bro," Sabin said. "Yeah, she was uglier than four week old diarrhea."
     "Disgusting, but true."

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in 2nd>
     Steiner and Beatrix ran into Epoch Interdimentional and approached the flagged counter.
     "Excuse me! Vile woman-like being!" Steiner said to the woman. "We need your fastest flight to Enhasa."
     "We have one leaving in two minutes," the woman said. "Want that one?"
     "Yes, please!" Beatrix piped in.
     The woman typed on her computer, then handed them the freshly printed tickets. Steiner and Beatrix saluted her.
     "Let us make haste!" Steiner said to Beatrix.
     Both ran quickly to their terminal and boarded a small aircraft.
     The aircraft rose into the air and flew forward until it suddenly disappeared.

<Announcer Gippal>
     "On board the 9:45 flight to Enhasa are Edgar and Sabin, and Steiner and Beatrix."

<Raijin & Fujin: Friends, 6th to depart: 9:58 am>
     Raijin held the clue out in front of him, but was looking awkwardly at Fujin.
     "Hey, Fuge, you sane now?" Raijin asked.
     "HANGOVER," Fujin responded, rubbing her eye with her palm.
     "Better than last leg," Raijin said, ripping the clue open. "Detour ya know. Sun or Snow?"
     "SUN," Fujin said.
     "All right, let's go," Raijin said as both ran out in search of a taxi.

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, 6 points>
     Rufus peeked around the corner and delivered a final shot to a nearby flame, scoring their seventh point. A man handed Rufus the next clue.
     Rufus tore open the clue. "Epoch Interdimentional. Let's go."
     Rufus and Shinra ran outside in search of their taxi.

     Auron and Jecht reached the Sun Palace and headed inside to the see-through plate. They picked up their guns and manned their positions on either side of the plate.
     "Don't worry, Auron," Jecht said. "I know these gun things are before your time, so just leave it to me. I'm the best. I can easily compensate for you and-" Suddenly a paintball exploded on Jecht's shoulder, interrupting his train of thought. "Hey! The hell?" He looked beside him at Auron, who was pointing his gun at Jecht.
     "I figured it out," Auron said, cracking a smile.
     "Yeah yeah. Just shoot the damn fire already."

     Amarant and Lani took no time climbing out of their taxi and starting right up the mountain. They fought the first wave of light winds and worked their way to hide behind a tree on the right. Once the winds died down they started towards a second tree on the left. Amarant was stronger at fighting the cold winds and reached a holding point behind the tree. Lani however was struggling between her shivering and her walking and started to fall behind. She was only a couple feet from the tree when suddenly the powerful winds started pushing down the mountain. She tried to hold her own, but the winds proved too great and she lost her footing. Just as Lani was about to soar down the mountainside, Amarant reached an arm out and caught her by the ankle. Lani flapped in the wind like a kite, then finally the winds slowed and she fell back down to the ground.
     Amarant immediately took off for the next tree, but Lani sat by the second tree shivering. Her arms were crossed tightly against her chest as she sat with her knees tucked in tightly.
     "We can warm up once we get our clue," Amarant said. "It's best to just keep going."
     "You dolt! I'm not waiting because I'm cold!" Lani yelled back. "It's just that some faggot had to go and hold me stupidly in the wind!"
     Amarant ran to the next tree and hid from the next high winds. Both stayed silent while the winds blew by. Finally the latest wind current died down.
     "You'd be at the bottom of this mountain if I didn't grab you," Amarant responded.
     "I know!" Lani yelled back. "I'd be at the bottom with my top!"
     Amarant was about to yell back to question what the hell she meant when he suddenly noticed something odd about Lani's profile. From the side, he couldn't see any signs of the small white tube top she wore. He finally noticed that she wasn't shivering at this point, she was covering herself.
     "Figured it out yet you moron!?" Lani yelled at him.
     "Just go," Amarant said. "You never cared if people saw-"
     "It's not a matter of embarrassment! This show is live to millions, and my boys are a prime source of information. I can get answers out of any guy just by offering to show 'em off. So if everybody sees them on TV, they'll be old news and I'll be out of a job! My interrogation style will be forever ruined!"
     "Just go," Amarant repeated. "Then we'll just make sure it doesn't get aired."
     Lani thought for a minute. "Fine."

<Strago & Relm: Grandpa/Granddaughter, 7th to depart: 10:17 am>
     Strago ripped open the clue and prepared to read it when suddenly Relm started jumping up and down.
     "Come on Gramps!" Relm said. "Wait on the clue for a second. We need to get PUMPED UP!" she roared.
     Strago stopped to think, then lowered the opened clue in his hands. "Okay, Relm. Let's get PUMPED UP!"
     "Who's gonna win!?" Relm yelled.
     "We are!" Strago yelled back.
     "Who's gonna lose!?"
     "The other teams!"
     "How're we gonna win!?"
     "Wh-" Strago paused and looked confused. "What's the answer to that one?"
     "I dunno, make something up!" Relm ordered. "Teamwork or perseverance or something like that."
     "Detour," Strago read. "Sun or Snow?"
     "What a fuddy duddy. Let's do Sun. We'll never climb a mountain."

     Fujin and Raijin jumped out of their cab and walked into the Sun Palace. Inside, Auron and Jecht were standing behind a see-through plate shooting paintballs at the five fires surrounding an eyeball. A nearby scoreboard with their name on it read '4 points.' Wasting no time, Raijin and Fujin ran inside and grabbed paintball guns of their own.
     A staff member approached the four of them. "Okay guys, when there's multiple groups, here's how it works," he explained. "You're going to shoot in order, one at a time. Your point totals will be kept separately. Good luck to both teams."

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, 8th to depart: 10:25 am>
     Yuna ripped open the clue. "Detour. Sun or Snow?"
     "I like the Sun one!" Rikku said. "I always like to hang out and get some sun, so why not?"
     "But remember what Mr. Squall said," Yuna said. "We tend to pick the stupid choices. So, let's do Snow!"
     "There you go Yunie!" Rikku cheered. "That's usin' the ol' noggin! Snow it is!"

     Shinra and Rufus hopped out of their taxi and paid the Johnny Cab. They raced inside the Epoch Interdimentional Flights when suddenly Amarant and Lani came tearing around the corner and raced them inside. All four made a dash for the counter. Lani was in front, followed closely by Rufus and Shinra, with Amarant behind after getting stuck behind a large group of old women. Lani, knowing that she couldn't buy the tickets without Amarant present, decided on a last-ditch strategy. She turned around, and while running backwards lifted her newly reacquired top up; flashing Rufus and Shinra. It was very brief and the camera was sadly behind her at the time. Shinra seemed unaffected, but Rufus was thrown off-guard and tripped over his own foot. He crashed on the floor, leaving Shinra to stop and help him up as Amarant passed them by.
     "Son," Shinra trailed off. "We're going to have to work on that."
     Rufus got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Well if you would've taken me on that trip to Wall Market like you promised then maybe this wouldn't have happened!"
     "Wait a minute, are you saying you've never-"
     "Been to Wall Market?" Rufus asked. "Nope, never."
     "No no no," Shinra said. "I mean you've never-"
     "Here come Lani and Amarant," Rufus interrupted.
     "Don't worry guys," Lani said. "We're all going to be on the same flight. It doesn't leave till noon and there's plenty of tickets. I can't believe I wasted that maneuver for something so petty."

     Auron fired a final shot around the plate scoring his seventh point. He and Jecht grabbed their clue and started to run out. Fujin stepped around the plate and took her turn. She fired at the same fire Auron had fired at and received their seventh point as well.
     "Wait up guys!" Raijin yelled to Auron and Jecht.
     Fujin took the clue and read through it.
     "FARE," Fujin yelled to Auron and Jecht.
     "Yeah, let's split a cab, ya know?" Raijin suggested.
     Auron and Jecht looked at each other and shrugged. Finally Jecht waved them over.
     "Yeah, sure," Jecht said to Raijin. "But don't slow us down or we're kickin' you out."
     "DITTO," Fujin responded.
     "Seems we're on the same page," Auron said. "Let's go."

     Strago and Relm arrived at the Sun Palace and grabbed their equipment to start shooting. Strago's first shot flew off course and nailed the giant floating eyeball right in the pupil. The eyeball went crazy and started shooting flames all over the room. The staff hid behind panels of their own and signaled to Relm and Strago to just stay put and wait it out.

     Yuna and Rikku arrived at Death Peak and stared up the mountain. Both shivered just looking at the mountain.
     "Is this a good idea, Yunie?" Rikku asked.
     "Of course it is," Yuna responded. "Now let's strategize. How can we get up this mountain fast enough?"
     "Run really really fast?" Rikku asked.
     "No, that's just what they'll expect us to do," Yuna said. "Look!" Yuna pointed to a tree.
     "Climb the tree?" Rikku asked. "Will that work?"
     "Of course it will!" Yuna replied energetically. "We'll simply climb above the wind!"
     "Good idea, Yunie!" Rikku clapped.
     Yuna and Rikku ran for the first tree and clamped onto the side of it. The strong wind blew against the tree as both struggled to get on top of the tree during the massive winds, when suddenly brilliance struck.
     "Yunie, look!" Rikku yelled, pointing at a second tree. "That tree's even closer! Let's climb that one!"
     "Good idea, Rikku!"
     The girls released the tree and made a dash for the second tree.

     Auron, Jecht, Fujin, and Raijin climbed out of their taxi and ran inside the airport. They passed by the other two teams currently waiting on their flight.
     "Don't worry, we'll all be on the same flight," Rufus said unenthusiastically. "It doesn't even leave till noon. It'll take a miracle for the other teams to not catch us."
     "My top is still really really cold," Lani said aloud.
     "The hell happened?" Jecht asked.
     "Oh, it blew off during the detour and landed in a huge pile of snow."
     Auron and Jecht both looked at each other out of the corners of their eyes. Auron socked Jecht in the arm. Hard.
     "Geez, sorry," Jecht mumbled. "From now on if there's any chance of exposed cans on the race we're taking it."
     "Just withhold information from her," Rufus said, pointing at Lani. "She already flashed us just to get her plane tickets."
     Auron glared at Jecht.
     "Great," Jecht said. "I'm gonna go get the tickets now. This is making me depressed."

<Strago & Relm: Grandpa/Granddaughter, 5 points>
     Strago jumped around the plate and used his new strategy: aim for the eyeball. He was a horrible shot, and when he aimed for the eyeball he would instead hit any of the fires randomly. While he never hit the right one, he didn't have to wait out the onslaught of fires from shooting the eyeball. Relm however, was both lucky and a crack shot. She seemed to hit the correct flame every time she fired. She rounded the corner and blasted the nearest flame. A '6' appeared on the scoreboard.
     The eyeball spun the flames around him angrily in a roulette fashion. Strago tried to keep his eye on the correct flame, but eventually got so dizzy that he fell over. Relm, however, was staring at the flame, following it with her eyes, never blinking. Finally the flames stopped, and Relm promptly jumped out and blasted the far flame.
     A '7' appeared on the scoreboard.

     Yuna and Rikku finally reached the top after accidentally figuring out the secret to avoiding the wind. Rikku took the clue, then both of them took a running leap and soared down the mountain with the help of the high winds.
     After collecting themselves at the bottom, Yuna and Rikku read through the clue and decided to jog to the nearby Epoch Flights. They trotted into the airport-like building just behind Strago and Relm. Both bought their tickets at the counter and waited with the rest of the teams. Finally all the teams boarded their flight.