Episode 4: Early Show

INT. STUDIO

Baralai sat in a blue director's chair across from him were Strago Magus and Relm Arrowny in a similar director's chairs.

BARALAI: Good evening and welcome back to The Early Final Fantasy Show. We're here with the fourth round castoffs from The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Welcome to the show, Strago and Relm.

RELM: Heya, cutie!

STRAGO: Speak up! I can't hear you!

BARALAI: So this was a horrible cut for you two. You worked out a strategy with another team, only to have it backfire. Would you explain what exactly happened?

RELM: Those communist bastards, Auron and Jecht double crossed us. I figured if we'd play up the weak team thing, we could get every team trying to help us out until the last round where we'd whoops some ass.

STRAGO: I knew it was a bad idea to put our fates in the hands of others, but she insisted her strategy would work.

BARALAI: Well it turns out that your alliance was with Auron and Jecht who personally put Tifa and Paine out as well.

RELM: I know! That's why I would've expected them to go with it and give them a better chance of winning!

BARALAI: Well apparently that's not their style. Now, I just have-

RELM: You're just too cute when you get all "subject changy."

BARALAI: R-right. So I just have to talk about Episode 2 where Strago actually DIED. What happened there?

STRAGO: Oh that's been happening for years. I have these dying episodes where I'll just collapse and be clinically dead for hours. It's a disorder.

RELM: It's not a disorder! You're old! When the first multicellular creature was born you were there saying, "Hey! What took ya?" We just have to keep reviving your wrinkled ass with phoenix downs!

BARALAI: Whoa whoa whoa! Okay, I also wanted to discuss the Nu roadblock this latest episode.

RELM: Oh boy! A topic about me!

BARALAI: Actually I was more concerned about Beatrix-

RELM: I killed a man once.

BARALAI: But I'd love to hear about you.

RELM: Oh! Goodie! So I was standing there scratching and all-

BARALAI: Oh, I'm afraid we're almost out of time. One last question: What team are you two cheering for now?

STRAGO: I'm for Edgar and Sabin since we know them, but I wouldn't mind those two chicks from your world winning.

RELM: Not me! I'm all for Rufie! He's a dreamboat. I hope he wins and with the million decides to take me away to a land where age means nothing! Somewhere like Neverland Ranch-

BARALAI: Whoa whoa whoa! Topical humor. We're going to have to cut away. Good night everybody.