Episode 5: Part 2

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in 1st Place>
     "I think we should do Guide," Beatrix said. "We've got good teamwork, so we'll go through quickly."
     "Indeed," Steiner said. "Let us make haste."
     Steiner and Beatrix jogged toward the Great Pyramid in the distance. There was a bridge just outside of Crustacia that had been recently repaired, but Steiner and Beatrix noticed the weak foundation of it and still tried to put as little pressure on it as possible. Once across, they simply followed paths that had been trampled and probably used quite frequently to find their way to the Great Pyramid.

<Raijin & Fujin: Friends, Currently in last place>
     Raijin panted and doubled over from exhaustion. Fujin fought off another giant spider and joined him in the panting.
     "What a stupid fast-forward, ya know?" Raijin said. "I'm thinkin' we should cut our losses and just try to catch up, ya know?"
     "FAG," Fujin said.
     "Fine, fine," Raijin said. "Well, where haven't we checked? I mean, we've checked everything. What's left? Everything else? This is bull, ya know?"
     Fujin slapped Raijin on the back and pointed. There was something in the distance that didn't look familiar at all. "GO," Fujin said to Raijin, and both started running for the mysterious object.

     The skeleton boatman's boat sailed on over the desert. Onboard were Auron, Jecht, Shinra, and Rufus.
     "And on your left is a stunning figure," the skeleton said. "Those rocks shape the 'Mummified Cats Playing Poker.' And on your right, there's a couple idiots running in the desert because they were cheapasses and wouldn't give me a damn amulet."
     "Neat," Jecht said. "Get the camera, Auron!"
     "Shut up," Auron replied.

     Yuna, Rikku, Edgar, Sabin, Amarant, and Lani all ran for the clue box in Crustacia. Edgar and Sabin were the first to reach the box.

     "Detour: Guide or Glide," Edgar read.
     "All right! This is the challenge I've been waiting for!" Sabin exclaimed. "Let's Glide!"

     Lani and Amarant both read over the clue at the same time, then looked up at each other. "Teamwork? Let's Glide," they both said.
     "Heh, we finally agree on something," Lani said to Amarant.

     "Teamwork!" Yuna and Rikku cheered.
     "Let's find that pyramid!" Rikku said.
     "Wait, we need directions," Yuna said. "Let's ask someone inside.
     Yuna and Rikku entered a room in the bottom portion of the ship and found a bunch of scary looking pirates. There was a bar in the corner and a couple people fighting toward the middle of the room. Yuna and Rikku avoided the fight and headed for the bartender.
     "Excuse me, cutie," Rikku said to the bartender. "We're lookin' for the Great Pyramid. Think one of you tough men could point us in the right direction?"
     "Listen, lady," the bartender said. "We're pirates, and therefore there's only three things we like: Money, women, and the letter R! So unless you can give us one of those, then you'd better scram!"
     "But we're women!" Yuna said.
     "WOMEN!?" The entire bar said. Even the two fighting men stopped until the one punched the other in the face, which started the fight up again.
     "Yep, and her name is Rikku," Yuna said, pointing at Rikku. "That starts with an R!"
     "Arrrrrrrrrrr," the entire room chanted.
     "HA!" the bartender laughed, "You guys-"
     "Girls," Yuna corrected.
     "Yeah, like I was sayin', you bitches are all right. Pete here'll take you straight to that pyramid."
     "Who's Pete?" Rikku asked.
     "Who's Pete?" the bartender repeated. "I'm Pete! Duh! Come on. Lemme show you that pyramid."

     "It's the damn city, ya know," Raijin said. Both he and Fujin were right back where they started at the Nobilia entrance. "We're screwed, ya know?"
     "LOOK," Fujin said.
     "Yeah, I know, ya know." Raijin paused at that odd sentence. "Yeah, the only option we have left is to finish the damn fast-forward. We'll never catch up otherwise. So how 'bout we space ourselves out and run south until we're at the end. We'll stay a good distance apart so we can cover more ground, but we'll stay within shouting range, ya know?"
     "OKAY," Fujin said.
     Raijin started at the city entrance and faced south. He looked to his left and saw Fujin in the distance preparing to run at the same time. Then, as if someone shouted 'Go!' they both started running and looking frantically.

     Auron and Jecht ran for the clue box. Rufus was behind them, but Shinra was simply walking to the box, taking his time.
     "Detour: Guide or Glide," Auron read.
     "We should throw stuff," Jecht said. "I mean, you're talking to the star player of the Zanarkand Alphamales!"
     "Alphamales?" Auron asked. "What about Abes?"
     "They had to change it. Too many dykes were offended by Alphamales. Don't ask me why."

     "Guide or Glide?" Rufus asked.
     "Pick one," Shinra said.
     "Okay, we'll do Guide. You can work the switches and I'll run the maze. It might just work."

     "Steiner, are you sure?" Beatrix asked Steiner. She and Steiner were standing outside a tall pyramid. Steiner was standing on a small switch that opened a passage into the pyramid. Behind him was a tall staircase leading to another door higher up on the pyramid.
     "I am," Steiner said, saluting. "I shall run and you will open the passages for me. While you may be faster than I, you also can work under pressure better. If you were yelling at me to open a door, I would likely fail to fulfill my duties and would let us down."
     "Okay, good luck then," Beatrix said. She kissed Steiner on the cheek then ran inside the door.
     Steiner looked at the camera. "Actually I just don't want her to yell at me. I hate when she yells." Steiner took off running up the stairs.

     Amarant, Lani, Edgar, and Sabin all stayed fairly well in step as they made their way to the Halls of Collosia. It was a giant temple with large steps leading up to the entrance. The four ran inside. The main room was very large. There was a tiny room with bars on one side that looked like a sort of prison cell. To the left there were two hallways. To the right there were two hallways. At the far end of the room was a large gorge with a golden switch that could twist.
     "Let's get this shit over with," Lani said. "Let's go right."
     Lani and Amarant both headed off to the first hallway on the right.

     "Which one, Bro?" Sabin asked Edgar.
     "You can pick," Edgar replied.
     "Oh, really? Awesome. Let's go to the second door on the left."

     "RAGE!" Fujin yelled. 
     Raijin was so caught off guard that he fell over. He stood up and looked to where Fujin was yelling from and saw a breathtaking sight. Fujin was standing in an oasis next to a bearded man in a toga, who was slipping a yellow clue out of his toga.
     "Heck yeah!" Raijin yelled. He ran to the oasis with Fujin where they were finally given the clue. Raijin ripped it open and read it. "Make your way to the pitstop at Horace's Camp. Warning: the last team to check in, may be eliminated."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must make their way to the pitstop at a camp set up by one of the founders of Evermore: Horace. The camp is located slightly west of Crustacia and should be relatively easy to find. The last team to check in here, may be eliminated."

<Raijin & Fujin: Friends, Currently in 1st>
     "Okay, now we just have to get out of this desert, ya know," Raijin said.
     "SOUTH," Fujin said.
     Raijin and Fujin started running directly south, hoping to find the end to this desert before either of them passed out.

     Steiner trotted through the maze inside the Great Pyramid. His armor clunked along as he continued through. In the maze were a bunch of large skeleton buzzard things that kept flying into Steiner, knocking him over.
     "Vile cur!" Steiner yelled at the bat, shaking his fist at it. "I don't remember the clue mentioning these things. But never mind that, I must persevere!"
     Steiner ran down a flight of stairs and continued through the twisting maze of the Great Pyramid. He searched for a long time until he finally encountered a door of spears that barred his path.
     "Beatrix-dear!" Steiner yelled. "Can you hear me?"
     "Yes! I heard you and your armor coming down the stairs," Beatrix shouted. She was standing in a room with many odd symbols and a statue of what looked like a brontosaurus. There were four colored squares on the floor with pictures of scarabs and other such things.
     "I'm at a barrier," Steiner said. "Push the switch!"
     Beatrix moved around the room looking for switches. After a short time searching, she decided that the switches must be the floor panels. She stepped on one. The panel started to glow and far off sounds could be heard.
     "Did that work?" Beatrix shouted.
     "No! Try another switch."
     Beatrix walked onto another panel and watched as the spears that led into her room on one side opened.
     "Okay, that's going to be the last one," Beatrix said to herself as she ran to the next switch.
     "There! That one!" Steiner yelled. He ran through the opening and continued to navigate the maze.

     "Found 'em!" Lani yelled. She pointed to a quiver of spears that was lying in the corner of the room. She ran to them and quickly shrugged them onto her shoulder.
     Amarant walked over to her and watched as she struggled to carry the heavy sack of bronze spears. He pulled one out and started walking back toward the main hallway.
     "Hey! Red! What the hell!? Take more than that you homosexual!"
     "We only need one," Amarant said confidently.
     "Like hell if I'm trusting you to make one good toss! It took us like twenty minutes just to walk through this damn hallway! If we had to turn back, it'd set us back like, hours!"
     "Stop wasting time by carrying all of those," Amarant said. "I'll make the throw."
     Lani dropped the sack and pulled out two bronze spears. "Fine, but I'm still taking these two! So that when you screw the hell up, I can save the day and you'll be like 'oh man, Lani, I'm glad you took those two spears!' H-hey! Red! Wait up!"

     "Ever thrown a spear before?" Edgar asked Sabin.
     "Nope," Sabin said. "Can't be too hard, right?"
     Edgar spotted a quiver of spears in the corner of the room and pointed to it. Sabin quickly rushed over and picked up the spears.
     "Wow. They're heavy," Sabin said. He made a fist. "Good! A challenge! Ha ha ha!"

     "So there ya go," Pete said to Rikku and Yuna. He gestured to the Great Pyramid that they were standing beside.
     "Wow, thanks so much!" Rikku said. "Let's hear it for Pete!"
     "Hooray for Pete!" Yuna cheered.
     Yuna and Rikku both kissed either of Pete's cheeks.
     "Aww, thanks women!" Pete said. He wrapped his beefy arms around both of them and lifted them off the ground in what they could only assume was a hug. It was unusual to say the least. "Good luck, ladies," Pete said as he started to walk away. He quickly turned back. "Oh yeah! And if you guys find lots of money and stuff, you come on back to ol' Pete's place. Remember: money, women, and-"
     "Arrrrrr," Rikku and Yuna both yelled.
     "Ha! I love it!" Pete said as he finally left.
     "Okay, Yunie," Rikku said. "I'll go in the switch place here. You go run through the maze."
     "Okay," Yuna said as she ran up the stairs.
     "Wait wait!" Rikku yelled after her. "You've gotta come down here and stand on this switch so I can get in!"
     "Oh, okay," Yuna said as she ran back down the stairs.

     "This place sucks," Jecht said. He looked around the inside of the Halls of Collosia.
     "No time to waste, let's go," Auron said. He walked past Jecht and went down the first hallway on the left.
     "He needs to shut up about that wasting time crap," Jecht said. He rubbed his neck. "Wait the hell up, Auron."

     Rufus and Shinra found the Great Pyramid quickly and ran to the bottom door. Rufus stood on the switch to open the door.
     "Hurry up, get in there," Rufus ordered Shinra. "And remember, if there are switches like this inside that you have to stand on, be sure to not put your full weight on them. We don't need to break a pyramid today."
     Once Shinra was inside, Rufus ran up the stairs and headed for the entrance to his labyrinth. After a winding run around the pyramid, Rufus found the entrance and headed inside.
     It was exactly as he had pictured it. Long tunnels. Long narrow tunnels. No problem at all. Rufus ran through the tunnel at top speed and rounded the first corner, when suddenly he skidded to a stop. He looked out as seven skeleton buzzards were charging at him.
     "You're kidding," Rufus said to himself.
     The buzzards slammed into Rufus and sent him flying into the wall behind him.
     "Fine, that's how you wanna play it?" Rufus said. He rose to his feet and pulled his sawed-off shotgun out of his jacket. The first buzzard charged at him a second time and Rufus promptly blew the buzzard to pieces. "This is gonna be fun," Rufus said to himself as he started running through the maze while blowing skeleton buzzards to pieces.

     "Last switch!" Beatrix shouted as Steiner stood at the gates into the final room. She moved to the switch in the corner and watched as the spears lowered into the ground and Steiner moved inside.
     "Mission complete," Steiner said. "Now where's our clue?"
     Suddenly a man dressed in all black fell from the ceiling and handed them their next clue.
     "Thanks," Beatrix said. "Who the hell are you?"
     "Amazing Final Fantasy Race Ninja," the ninja said. "They pay me well but I have a horrible dental plan."
     Steiner ripped open the clue. "Make your way to the pitstop at Horace's Camp! Warning: the last team to check in will be eliminated."
     "That's not far from here!" Beatrix said happily.
     "Okay, lead the way!" Steiner said.
     "I don't know where it is, I just know it's close. I heard pirates talking about it."
     "This is a strange world," Steiner said. "Let us hurry to the pitstop!"

     "Okay, let's see it," Lani teased Amarant.
     Lani and Amarant stood across the gorge from the switch.
     "You're gonna need more spears, aren't ya?" Lani continued to tease. "It's a longer stretch across than you thought, wasn't it?"
     Amarant grabbed the spear by the very bottom and chucked it at the target. The spear swung around and flew point first at the target. It connected and stuck directly in the middle of the target. The bridge extended and Amarant started to walk across.
     "You're lucky I was here," Lani said, dropping her spears on the ground. "Without my motivation, you'd be screwed!"
     The Amazing Final Fantasy Race Ninja dropped from the ceiling and handed Amarant and Lani their clue.
     "Pitstop, Red," Lani read. "Hurry! We're probably penalized for something again! We've gotta make up time!"
     "You coming?" Amarant asked. He was already back across the bridge and heading out for the exit.
     "Damn, Flamer! Wait the hell up!"