Episode 5: Early Show

INT. STUDIO

Baralai sat in a blue director's chair across from him were Sabin Figaro and an empty chair.

BARALAI: Good evening and welcome back to The Early Final Fantasy Show. We're here with the fifth round castoffs from The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Welcome to the show, Sabin and the chair where his brother should be.

SABIN: He'll be here in a minute. He just has to go hit on your cute sound girl. It'll only be a minute.

BARALAI: We only air about a minute of this segment, so we'd better not wait. I'll just ask you for the details. So, first question has got to be back on the first episode. You two traveled a long distance the wrong way. What happened there?

SABIN: We got a navigation tip from someone that turned out to be blind. Also an asshole. He thought it was funny as hell. And the whole time riding that weird elephant thing we were discussing how we hoped we wouldn't be the most retarded team ever on the race.

Edgar walked onto the stage and took a seat in his chair.

EDGAR: You talkin' about the first leg of the race? Yeah, that sucked. At least I made up for it with the flight.

BARALAI: Yeah, that was amazing! You snuck on as flight attendants!

EDGAR: Actually, they were holding the plane for us anyway. We did the flight attendants thing to make a bit of cash back from the Shoopuf ride.

BARALAI: I see. Now, we don't have much longer before they cut us off-

NOOJ (O.S.): Don't worry about it. We already cut it off. Just go on as long as you want.

BARALAI: Oh. Well tell us about the latest leg. Why didn't you two go for the fast forward?

SABIN: We didn't think it was necessary. We were trying to save it. We didn't exactly expect a detour like that.

BARALAI: Right, that detour. Must've been aggravating to watch those other teams hit it on the first try while you two just couldn't seem to hit it.

SABIN: Yeah, I'm horrible with accuracy, and Edgar's pretty wimpy when it comes to non-automatic weapons.

EDGAR: Also, it wasn't that close really. It was edited to seem closer, but when we decided to start practicing with the spears, we actually only had like, three spears left. So we threw all of them and actually had to run and get another bag, which took a long time.

BARALAI: I see. Now, tell me. What the hell was up with the Amazing Final Fantasy Race Ninja?

EDGAR: That guy was tight. He could move fast like anything, and see, we were down there in that world and everyone on the staff was getting sick, so we found this one guy and he was working both detours at once. The detours were really far apart, but this guy could like, teleport or something, so he was bouncing back and forth between detours.

SABIN: He rocked.

BARALAI: I see. Well, one last question for you two. Who're you cheering for now?

EDGAR: Do you even need to ask? Yuna, Rikku, Lani, Fujin, and Beatrix.

SABIN: Yeah. Me too.

EDGAR: No you're not! Don't be so gay!

SABIN: You're being gay!

The two brothers jumped at each other and started wrestling. Baralai only sat in his chair and buried his face in his hand.

BARALAI: Okay, thanks for watching. Good night everybody.