<Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, Currently in
5th>
Auron and Jecht got out of their Corolla and ran
to the clue box. Auron grabbed the clue and pulled out, but quickly pulled
the primary clue off the top and revealed a green clue with the words
"Fast Forward" on it.<Announcer Gippal>
"This is the second of three predetermined fast-forwards. With a fast-forward, teams can follow a set of instructions and bypass all remaining obstacles in the leg and go straight to the pitstop. However, teams can only use the fast-forward once, so they must decide when it's most advantageous to use it. In this fast-forward,
a team will have to travel on foot across Central Park and find a
horse-drawn carriage. They must then ride the carriage once around the
park. Once they have completed the full circuit, they will receive their
next clue."
"I think we should do
this," Auron said sternly as he held up the fast-forward."
Jecht scratched his neck. "You think
nobody's done it already?"
"It's only between us and Lani's team.
Steiner and Beatrix are still behind us. They can't drive. There's no way
they passed us."
"Okay okay. Stop wasting time debating.
Let's go!"
Auron smirked and took the point as they ran
through the snowy forest in Central Park.
<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in Last Place>
"OH MY GOD!" Steiner cried out as their
car swerved from lane to lane. It barely missed several streetlights and
telephone polls and often hopped the curb to drive around them. Police
barriers around the city collapsed left and right in their wake.
"Turn!" Beatrix shouted as she grabbed
the wheel and tugged on it.
"Turn back!" Steiner yelled as he
grabbed the wheel back and tugged it the other way.
"The clue!" Beatrix shouted as she
pointed out the clue box at Central Park.
Steiner slammed on the brakes as the car slid up
to the box behind Auron and Jecht's Corolla. They jumped out of the car
and both crossed themselves before going to the clue box.
"There is only one car here," Steiner
pointed out.
Beatrix nodded as she pulled the clue out. She
read through it to herself for a moment before holding up the
fast-forward. "They took the fast-forward," she pointed out.
"I think we're in last and our alliance is taking the fast-forward to
beat us out."
"What unparalleled debauchery!" Steiner
said as he shook with anger.
"I'd have done it too," Beatrix added.
"As would I," Steiner said as he calmed
down instantly.
"So our detours are," Beatrix looked
down at the clue, "Doing time or Doing Broadway. And I'll pretend the
decision to do the Doing Broadway one was all my own female desire and had
nothing to do with your peculiar love for theatre."
"Indeed. You women are strange, but I shall persevere.
Now let us make haste back to the death mobile known as the Corolla."
"God help us," Beatrix said to herself.
<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Currently in 1st>
Yuna and Rikku ran as quickly as they could up
the snow covered steps leading into the museum. Rikku slipped several
times, yet still refused to slow down. They reached the box at the top
just as Raijin and Fujin pulled up in their car.
Yuna pulled the clue out and ripped it open. She
pulled out a red card. "Roadblock. Who's ready to get boned?"
"ME!" Yuna and Rikku both yelled
quickly.
"But it's my turn!" Rikku
insisted. "So there!"
<Announcer Gippal>
"A roadblock is a task that only one person
may perform. In this roadblock, teams must simply find the T-Rex exhibit.
However, due to recent events, the T-Rex has moved and the change has not
been marked on the maps. In fact, it hasn't been marked anywhere because
it's currently moving about the museum. The next clue will be stuck to his
tail."
Rikku ran inside the museum while
Yuna stayed outside and froze her tits off. She ran straight into the
first room and started her search for the T-Rex.
Raijin and Fujin finally reached
the box and pulled out the clue. "ME," Fujin said after reading
the hint. She immediately ran inside and went up the service staircase to
start her search on the second floor.
<Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, Currently in
5th>
Auron and Jecht finally found the horse-drawn
carriage sitting by the curb with an Amazing FF Race flag on the side. A
driver sat in the front wearing a top hat and coattails. He looked like he
would rather be riding the carriage instead of driving it.
Auron was the first to crawl into the velvet
seats of the carriage and drop his backpack in front of him. Jecht finally
climbed up with a slightly skeptical look on his face as he squeezed very
snuggly next to Auron. The seats were made for couples, so they
comfortably held one and a half people. The driver quickly motioned for
the horses to start walking in their very slow trot around Central Park.
<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Currently in 3rd>
"Who's ready to get boned?" Rufus asked
as he glanced through the hint on the roadblock. "Umm, you?"
"But what if this roadblock involves
physical exertion?" Shinra asked, seeming a bit uptight.
"Then we're going to lose since we chose you
to do it already," Rufus explained. "Now come on! Do it! If you
fail you'll disgrace the Shinra name! Grandpa would be so disappointed
with you!"
"You mean my father or your mother's
father?"
"Yours."
"Oh. Yes. He probably would then. I thought
you meant your mother's father and I was wondering why the hell he would
care, but yeah, that makes much more sense now." Shinra nodded in
acceptance and bolted off into the museum, leaving Rufus bashing his head
against a wall out of embarrassment.
"What's wrong?" Yuna asked him as she
approached from the small cold corner of the museum entrance.
"He's an idiot. That's all," Rufus
explained. He looked up at Yuna finally and found his eyes scanning her
body. Then to keep the conversation lively and not let Yuna question his
gaze, he opened a new conversation. "Sure is nipply out here."
"Nipply?" Yuna asked.
"As in it's cold and nippy and
everything," Rufus explained. "Also I can see your
nipples."
Yuna looked down, then quickly back up. "Mmhmm,
very nipply then. Though I'm pretty sure you're more nipply than I am
right now."
"It comes with wearing white," Rufus
said, fully aware that his clothes were sticking to him and accenting
everything underneath. "You wanna wait in the lobby inside?"
"We can do that?"
Rufus pointed to a sign that read 'Non-roadblockers
Wait in the Lobby."
"Geez, I thought you might've known
something I didn't, ya know?" Raijin joined in the conversation as he
shoved past them and went into the lobby. Yuna and Rufus followed him in.
<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Currently in 4th>
"Oh sweet Princess Rosa!" Lani
projected across the entire theatre. "My love for you is like the sun
and the moon! And you have such a nice rack!"
Amarant stood at stage left wearing the woman's
outfit due to the insisting of Lani mixed with the dumb director's desire
to revolutionize the industry by switching the male and female roles.
"And my love for you burns like the fire of
the burniest fireplaces. Which means I hope you burn in hell."
Lani and Amarant embraced, though instead of a
hug it was more like a contest of bearhugs to see who would give in first.
Both even clutched their own wrists to add force to their hug.
"Bravo!" the director yelled. "You
two are truly in love! I can feel it from here! Just look at that
hug!" He pulled the clue out of his pocket and held it out for one of
them to grab.
Finally Lani gave in as her entire upper body
started turning a strange shade of blue. "I can't breathe, Red! Let
go you flaming idiot!"
<Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, Currently in
5th>
"This is really fuggin' gay," Jecht
said as he squirmed a bit to avoid sitting on Auron's lap.
Auron rested his head on his hand and leaned on
the side of the carriage. "It'll end soon and the cameras may not
even show us on TV. Let's just be sure to not say or do anything
important."
"Fine," Jecht said as he sat as still
as he could, which wasn't very still.
Suddenly the driver burst into flames and fell
off the side of the carriage and the horse burst into flames and attempted
to outrun the fire, though he still rode in his normal circuit.
Auron and Jecht sat in silence and looked more
depressed than shocked about the spontaneous combustion of the driver and
the slow but sure-to-come combustion of the horse.
Auron finally broke the silence. "I'd be
willing to bet the cameras caught that."
"Just drop it," Jecht said.
<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in Last Place>
"And my love for you burns like the fire I'm
setting to this: the most poorly-written play featuring inexistent
words ever," Beatrix read.
"Improvisation," the director said.
"Interesting take on the characters. I approve. Now here is your
clue."
"Can't believe you choked," Beatrix
said to Steiner as she opened the clue.
"I'm a man of nobility, honor, and a man of
the sword! I'm Captain of the Knights of Pluto, not some opera
floozy!"
"Of course you're not," Beatrix said.
"Hurry up, we need to catch up now."
Rikku raced through the museum
following what she thought was the map to the T-Rex exhibit, but her keen
sense of direction had her walking in the completely opposite direction.
She ran through the hall and stopped only inches from the bent over Fujin.
"Whoa! What're you doing here?" Rikku
asked.
"ROADBLOCK," she responded.
Rikku thought at first that it was a horribly
stupid response, only to realize that it was a horribly stupid question.
"So where's the exhibit? I've been looking
forever!"
Fujin pointed over Rikku's shoulder at the
direction Rikku had just come from.
"Oh, so we should go that way?"
"MOVED."
"Oh. Oh! There it is!" Rikku pointed
down the hallway behind Fujin. "Wouldn't you know it!? The exhibit
found us!"
Fujin looked horrified at first by the sight of
the orange pulsating goo that covered the T-Rex skeleton and allowed it to
walk. The T-Rex was destroying the museum as it walked through seemingly
small corridors and knocked over exhibits, but both Fujin and Rikku were
more interested by the clues stuck to the back of his tail. They stood to
the side of the hallway and waited for the large dinosaur skeleton to pass
before pulling the clues from his tail and running to the lobby with them.
Shinra looked up from the exhibit
of the triceratops that he'd been staring at for an extremely long time,
trying to remember if the one with three horns was the T-Rex. Suddenly the
T-Rex entered the room and Shinra put two and two together. He trotted
over to the tail of the T-Rex that had stopped to knock over a few
displays using his face. Shinra pulled the clue from the orange goo on his
tail and raced to the lobby.
"Got it!" Rikku, Fujin,
and Shinra yelled as they entered the lobby all through different doors.
Fujin actually said "DONE," but she was drown out by Rikku's
piercing voice, so it doesn't matter much. All the teams grouped into one
big circle and read the clue.
"Make your way to the pitstop at the Soho
gun shop. Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated,"
Shinra read.
<Announcer Gippal>
"Teams must now travel using their Corollas
to a small gun shop in Soho. Inside this shop is the pitstop for this leg
of the race and the last team to check in here, may be eliminated."
All three leading teams raced
outside to their cars parked outside and took off to find the Soho gun
shop. Of all three teams, only Fujin and Raijin grabbed a map of the city
that was on the wall under a 'Free Maps' sign.
<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Currently in 4th>
"Roadblock," Amarant read. He started
to push open the door of the museum. "And it's my-"
"Nuh uh Mr. Two in-a-Row!" Lani yelled.
"This one's mine!"
"Fine. Go find a dinosaur now."
"Fine! Maybe I'll find your personality
among all these extinct things too!"
<Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, Currently in Last Place>
The flaming horses finally collapsed as they
reached the end of their course. The carriage continued to fly down the
sidewalk, but Auron and Jecht hopped out just as soon as they reached the
ending point. They found a clue attached to a nearby tree and ripped it
off.
"Pitstop at a gun shop in Soho," Auron
read. "Let's go."
<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in Last Place>
A Corolla crashed into the steps of the museum as
Steiner and Beatrix walked up behind the car. They had bailed out only
moments prior and now walked up the steps to the museum entrance. Just as
they approached the door, Lani came out screaming and waving the clue over
her head. Amarant followed in his normal stoic mode.
"You shoulda seen it, Flamer!" Lani
said happily. "I was all running, and then there's this huge T-Rex!
And he's like ROAR and I'm like Shut up! and so he did and I
took the clue."
Steiner and Beatrix looked at each other.
"Dinosaurs," they said to each other matter-of-factly.
"You do it," Beatrix told Steiner.
"I-I-" Steiner stuttered. Finally he
saluted. "Yes, ma'am!" He tore open the roadblock, then rushed
inside, only to crash immediately into a large, orange, pulsating dinosaur
foot. A clue fell from somewhere that Steiner was unable to see and landed
in a slit in his armor near his neck. He pulled it out and read it
quickly. "A gunshop in Soho! We must make haste!"
Beatrix stood with her jaw practically on the
floor. "My goodness you made quick work of that roadblock!"
Steiner saluted her. "All in a day's
work!" He quickly pulled a map from the wall and ran to their
slightly broken car. Beatrix followed behind him.
Fujin and Raijin, Yuna and Rikku, and the Shinras
all pulled up to the gunshop at the same time with Fujin and Raijin's car
in the lead. All three teams hopped out of their cars quickly and ran
inside the gunshop where Gippal waited with a Japanese man in a blue
windbreaker. The Japanese man stood with a slight hunch and adjusted his
glasses to look at the teams.
"Wait everybody!" Shinra yelled as he
huffed and wheezed to catch up with everybody. "We're obviously the
first teams! Let's share the victory! All step on at once!"
"Good idea, ya know?" Raijin said.
All the teams waited for each other, then walked
up to the mat and stood just out of reach of the mat.
"On the count of three," Raijin said.
Suddenly he and Fujin jumped onto the mat.
"Welcome to Soho," the Japanese man
said.
"Raijin and Fujin, you're team number
one!" Gippal said. "But unfortunately there's no prize this leg.
But good job pissing off your fellow racers."
"BYGONES," Fujin said.
"Yeah, I'm over it, ya know," Raijin
said.
"Yuna, Rikku, Shinra, Rufus, step onto the
mat," Gippal said. They obeyed as Fujin and Raijin moved aside.
"Yuna and Rikku, Rufus and Shinra, you're teams two and three."
"Which of us is two and which is
three?" Rufus asked.
"It doesn't matter," Gippal said.
"It really does," Rufus corrected him.
"Well then, I'll say ladies first. They're
two. Shinras, you're team number three."
"No, you were right," Rufus said.
"It doesn't matter. Guess we tied."
Gippal and the Japanese man, Maeda, watched for
the next teams to come inside. Finally Gippal pointed at a quickly
approaching team. The door swung open and Auron and Jecht rushed inside.
Auron ran to the mat, but Jecht lost his concentration when he saw the
guns in the display.
"Hey Auron, check this thing out,"
Jecht said. He pointed to a nearby automatic weapon.
"You never grow up, do you?" Auron
said.
Jecht ran to the mat and joined Auron.
"Auron and Jecht," Gippal said,
"you're team number four."
Lani and Amarant raced through the streets of New
York, forgetting the fact that there was nobody around to ask for
directions. Lani drove off of instinct while Amarant often complained that
his instincts were saying to go every way she didn't.
Steiner and Beatrix drove equally confused. While
they had a map and theoretically knew where to go, they were still having
difficulty driving the car in general. Their car swerved up onto curbs and
threw them off their charted path, leaving Beatrix to quickly look up
their new route.
Gippal and Maeda waited anxiously
as a team ran quickly through the glass doors of the Soho gunshop and ran
onto the mat.
Gippal looked at the two standing before him.
"Steiner and Beatrix," he said, "you're team number
five!"
Steiner looked as if he had something dramatic to
say, but he only buckled his knees and fell over backwards. Beatrix caught
him mid-faint and pulled him off the mat.
"We thought we were dead last you see,"
Beatrix explained.
Lani and Amarant trotted into the
gunshop, well aware of the number of cars parked outside. Neither seemed
to be incredibly upset with the other, but they both seemed highly upset.
"Lani and Amarant," Gippal said,
"you're the last team to arrive."
"At least you put our names in the right
order," Lani said as she leaned against Amarant's large arm.
"I am," Gippal hesitated for what
seemed like an eternity, "pleased to tell you that this is the first
of two pre-determined non-elimination legs and you're both still in the
race!"
"Fuggin' hell, you're kidding!" Lani
shouted as she jumped to a completely upright position. "I forgot
about those! That's so cool! Flamer! Now I don't have to kill you for
being so dumb!"
"There is a catch though," Gippal said.
"You must hand over all the money currently in your position. In
addition, you will not get any money to start the next leg."
"Fine," Amarant said as he and Lani
handed over all their money, which seemed to be oddly distributed between
the two of them.
"Also, as a new twist to the
non-elimination, you have to hand over all of your possessions."
"That's not a new twist!" Lani said.
"It's been like that for a long time! You take our things and we keep
our passports and the clothes on our backs."
"You're right that you keep your
passports," Gippal said. "The other part has been well,
changed."
"We're not racing naked," Amarant said
sternly.
"Speak for yourself! I want that
money!" Lani shouted as she tossed her hat aside and started pulling
off her shirt.
"Actually, for the remainder of the race
you'll be wearing clothes that we've appointed," Gippal said. He
pulled out two oversized pink dresses.
Amarant and Lani both stared blankly at the
dresses. Finally Lani started tugging at her shirt some more. "No
thanks. I'll stick to nudity."
"Cable TV," Amarant said to Lani.
"Oh, and feel free to keep your
underwear," Gippal said.
"Good," Amarant said.
Lani leaned in closely to Amarant. "What's
underwear?"
Amarant shrugged.
