Episode 7: Part 1

<Raijin & Fujin: Friends, 1st to depart: 7:34 am>
     Raijin and Fujin stood on the mat and looked over their shoulders at Yuna, Rikku, Shinra, and Rufus, who were standing with arms crossed as they tapped their feet loudly in anticipation. Fujin ripped open the clue before the four pushed past her and grabbed their clues.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins; Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, 2nd/3rd to depart: 7:34:10 am>
     Yuna was the first to rip open the clue and read it aloud. "Make your way to Traverse Town. Five teams 200 munny for this leg, one team has nothing. Not even pants."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now travel to the city of Traverse Town through a gateway located in the Soho Pharmacy of all places. Once there, teams must find a mailbox located by the entrance to the town. Beside the mailbox will be their next clue."

     All three lead teams ran outside and looked up and down the streets. Without any leads as to the location of the pharmacy, the three teams ran in completely different directions, though the teams paired off into non-team pairings. Yuna and Rufus went to the left, Rikku and Raijin went right, and Fujin stayed with Shinra.
     "Found it," Rufus said, pointing to a sign that said "Pharmacy" above a store with a large window, which also read "Pharmacy."
     "You sure this is it?" Yuna asked. Rufus raised an eyebrow at her. "Right, silly me. Of course it is."
     "Let me get my teammate with my world class impression of a chicken... wing," Rufus said. He shook out his arms, then started simply stared straight ahead and hissed. "Tssssssssssss."
     "Where's the steak!?" Shinra shouted as he ran to Rufus in a faster sprint than he'd been in in a long time.
     "Crap, was that steak?" Rufus asked. "Damn, I was going for chicken. Oh well. Found it, let's go."
     "Wait wait!" Yuna said. "Lemme get Rikku with my Rikku call!" She took a deep breath, then let out a cry not much louder than a whisper. "Oh my God cute boys!"
     Within seconds, Rikku was standing by her side. She had one hand on Yuna's shoulder as her other cradled her chest as she tried to catch her breath. "Where're the boys?" She looked at the Pharmacy signs and then looked to Yuna. "Oh. Well, are you sure this is it?"
     Rufus sighed. "Let's go."
     The four walked inside and ran to the back of the store where they found a brown door with a rusted handle.
     "This must be it," Rufus said. He reached for the handle and pulled the door open. Inside was an old wooden desk, a bunch of papers everywhere, and a urinal on the back wall.
     "Employee's lounge," Rufus said.
     "It's... nice," Rikku added.
     "What if they have to poo?" Shinra asked as he lit up a cigar.
     "Please don't ask questions like that," Rufus said. He closed the door. "Look around for another door or something."
     "What about this one?" Yuna said, pointing to a glowing ancient door growing randomly in the middle of one of the aisles.
     "There's a good chance," Rikku said.
     Yuna pushed open the door, revealing a swirling mass of darkness within. For some reason, none of the four felt it was a bad idea and all entered the door, which slammed behind the last person.

     Raijin continued looking to the right when suddenly Fujin's hand fell on his shoulder and spun him around to face the empty streets.
     "Everyone's gone, ya know?" Raijin said.
     Fujin nodded and pointed down the street toward the Pharmacy. Raijin only looked with a blank face, to which Fujin responded by grabbing his ear and pulling him down the street to the Pharmacy. He eventually got the point and ran along side her. The pair finally found the Pharmacy and entered. They found the door right away and went through it.

     Yuna walked out of the door and found herself in a strange town with streetlamps and cobblestone streets. Directly ahead was the mailbox, which sat next to a clue box. She waited as the other three people came through and they all ran together to the box, where they were suddenly surprised by a small white monster underfoot with a big round pink nose and some pom-pom thing on its head, dangling like an ornament on Charlie Brown's Christmas tree.
     "What is it?" Yuna said as she bent down to look at the moogle in front of her. 
     "It's cuuute," Rikku replied as she bent down with Yuna to observe it.
     "It's in the way," Rufus said as he stepped over it and walked to the clue box. His coat caught on the moogle as it slid with him for a couple feet."
     "Hey, watch it, kupo!" the moogle yelled at him as it dusted off its pom-pom.
     "It talks!" Yuna and Rikku said as they pointed at it and smiled widely.
     "What's a 'kupo'?" Shinra asked.

     "Ya'll found a moogle!?" Raijin yelled as he and Fujin walked through the gate and joined the other four. "Never seen one in person, ya know? There was a card of one, but that's about it, ya know? Never thought they actually existed..."
     "What are moogles?" Yuna asked. Rikku tapped her on the shoulder and pointed to the moogle. Yuna followed the pointing of her finger. "Ohhhh, those. I thought they were just dolls."
     "Do I look like a doll!?" the moogle yelled angrily. "I'm a living breathing thing! I have a job, I have a family, I have a-"
     "You don't have a family," Shinra told the moogle. "Only people have families."
     "I do too have a family! My mom: Kupla, my dad: Kujo, my brothers: Kumon, Kupanoodles, and my sister: Kuties. And I have a name too! So there!"
     The group stood in silence for a while, except for Rufus who had already opened the clue and was waiting for the camera to pay attention to him so he could read it and move on.
     "So what is it?" Rikku said impatiently.
     "Kuklux!" the moogle yelled.
     "That's enough talk for me, ya know?" Raijin said as he ran to the clue box and grabbed a clue from inside. He tore it open and read it aloud. "Roadblock already, ya know? Who's ready for an adventure in gummi?"

<Announcer Gippal>
     "A roadblock is a task that only one person may perform. In this roadblock, teams must assemble a flying ship from an assortment of materials. This ship, known as a gummi ship, must be certified by the gummi supervisor, Cid. Once it meets the safety requirements, he will give them their next clue."

     "I'll do it," Raijin said quickly. He started to tear the clue open to find out what was in store for him. "Anything to get away from that moogle, ya know?"
     "WIMP," Fujin said.
     "Wimp or not, he creeps me out, ya know?"

     "Gummy?" Rufus read. He sighed and started ripping open the clue. "I already know your fatass is doing this one. I can feel your drool on my shoulder, and it's disgusting."
     "Sorry," Shinra said as he wiped his mouth. 
     "Oh hey!" Rufus said as he pulled out another card behind the roadblock. "There's a fast-forward. You wanna do it?"
     "And pass up this gummy opportunity? No way!" Shinra said.

     "I'm a machina girl and I am in a machina world! I should do it," Rikku insisted.
     "Right," Yuna agreed. She looked at the fast-forward tucked behind the roadblock. "What about this?"
     "No thank you!" Rikku said, cracking her knuckles and stretching her arms to the sky. "I'm Al Bhed. I'm gonna kick this roadblock's butt!"

     Raijin, Shinra, and Rikku all trotted off to find the gummi ship parts. They went up a set of stairs where they saw Cid Highwind wearing a plain white t-shirt and chewing on a piece of hay. Behind him were six mats with various parts strewn about.
     "Sorry guys, we're closed right now," Cid said.
     "You're KIDDING!" Rikku yelled at him.
     "So what if I am?"
     The three looked at each other with confused looks, then ran to the mats and started putting pieces together.

<Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, 4th to depart: 7:49 am>
     Auron ripped open the clue and read it over. "Make your way to Traverse Town."
     "There better not be any more carriages," Jecht said.
     "From now on we avoid anything involving animals," Auron said.
     "Also anything that puts us in gay situations."
     "That too."
     Auron and Jecht ran outside and searched the streets for the Pharmacy. Jecht ran across the street to get a wider view of all the stores and finally pointed to the Pharmacy. The two ran inside the Pharmacy and found the door to Traverse Town almost immediately. They ran inside and soon found themselves in the strange town with the clue box only slightly ahead. They ran to it and Jecht grabbed the clue and read it.
     "Roadblock. Who's ready for an adventure in gummi?"
     "You do it," Auron said. "I did the last one."
     "Fine," Jecht said. He handed the clue to Auron and ran to the gummi ship supplies.

     "There's nothing gummy about this," Shinra said as he held up a triangular piece and tried to jam it onto his ship. When it wouldn't stay attached, he delivered a swift kick to it that jammed it in, but left him exhausted. He sat down and looked over his ship while catching his breath.
     "Oh quit whining, it's easy!" Rikku flaunted as she stuck the blocks to each other. She climbed on top of her ship and put her finger to her lip as she inspected her unfinished ship. "Needs more guns up front."

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, 5th to depart: 8:25 am>
     Beatrix tore open the clue while Steiner crossed his fingers and mumbled "Nothing with cars, nothing with cars" to himself.
     "Sounds like we're done with cars for now," Beatrix said. "Traverse Town through some door nearby. Let's go!"
     Steiner and Beatrix ran outside, into the Pharmacy, and through the door to Traverse Town. They started toward the mailbox, but were soon assaulted by the small moogle.
     "Hold it, buddy!" he yelled at Steiner.
     "A moogle!" Beatrix said. She looked at Steiner. "Good to see something familiar again, isn't it?"
     "Indeed," Steiner said. "Pardon us, moogle. We must make haste. We are in a race-"
     "With those other guys, right?" Kuklux said. "Yeah, they were mean and ignored me before I could tell the sad story of how my entire race was destroyed!"
     Steiner continued to listen to the moogle's story while Beatrix snuck around and grabbed the clue and brought it back to Steiner. Without saying a word, she pointed to the fast-forward."
     "That's horrible, Sir Kuklux! What a horrible tale of the destruction of your clan, but I assure you more moogles exist."
     "Really!?" Kuklux said excitedly.
     "Indeed! I've been using a product that a moogle once gave me. It's called Superslick, and-"
     "You have Superslick!? I'd do anything for some Superslick!"
     "Anything?" Beatrix said, crouching down to his level. "Even help us with a fast-forward?"
     "A what?" Kuklux asked.
     "Gippal will explain it."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "I refuse to be part of a contestant-formed segue," Gippal said. He crossed his arms and stared at the camera for a few seconds. "Fine. This is the third of three predetermined fast-forwards. With a fast-forward, teams can follow a set of instructions and bypass all remaining obstacles in the leg and go straight to the pitstop. However, teams can only use the fast-forward once, so they must decide when it's most advantageous to use it. In this fast-forward, teams must find all ten postcards hidden throughout the town. Once they find all ten and deliver them to the mailbox, they will receive their next clue."

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in 5th>
     "That's it?" Kuklux said. "Heck yeah I'll help you find some dumb postcards! I know this city like the back of my hand!"
     "You do?" Beatrix asked rhetorically.
     "Well, no," Kuklux responded. "But I'll help you look. I'll check Third District. You two check the Second District. Meet back here in thirty minutes!"
     "Many thanks!" Steiner said, saluting the moogle. "But please, no touching any of the postcards. Just remember where they are. There's probably a penalty if you take them. Can you handle this mission?"
     "For Superslick? I can handle anything!"
     Beatrix and Steiner ran to the giant gates leading to the Second District while the tiny moogle struggled to push open the door to Third District enough to get through. He finally slipped inside as Steiner held the door open and gestured for Beatrix to enter.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Last to Depart: 8:30 am>
     Lani ripped open the clue and read it. "Make your way to Traverse Town. Five teams 200 munny for this leg, one team has nothing. Not even pants."
     Amarant and Lani both looked down at the frilly pink dresses they were wearing. They had thin straps over the shoulders, an elastic top, and a long flowing skirt. Lani's outfit fit her appropriately, though Amarant's ran slightly small and only ran down to his knees. The top was luckily stretchy enough to cover his chest, though it seemed very strained.
     "Yeah, quit whining, Flamer," Lani said. She pointed to her chest. "This dress is way too high. How am I supposed to beg for money without cleavage?"
     "I don't th-" Amarant started, when suddenly the camera clattered to the floor and got a good view of their matching pink pumps. Amarant had already broken the heels off of his.
     The camera was finally lifted up and viewed Lani's face very closely. "Umm, our cameraman just spontaneously combusted. See?" The camera focused on a censored-by-blur body that was obviously burning and steaming and wriggling on the floor. The camera turned back around to Lani. "We don't have time to wait for a replacement. Tell them to catch up. We're moving on!"
     Amarant ran outside to find the Pharmacy while the camera focused in on his legs as he struggled to walk without falling over, despite the fact that the pumps were already broken. He finally found it and they went into the door, where a new cameraman greeted them at the entrance to Traverse Town. 
     Lani ran to the clue box and pulled out their clue. "Roadblock. And it's your turn. Now get in there and-" she read through the clue, "build a gummi ship!"
     "Fine," Amarant said as he walked to the building area and worked on building his own gummi ship.

     "Finished!" Rikku yelled as she hopped off her assembled gummi ship.
     Cid walked up and inspected the ship. "Dang. You could probably teach me a thing or two about building these things."
     "Really?"
     "No! Now take your clue and leave me alone!" Cid yelled.
     Yuna joined Rikku as they opened the clue and Rikku read it aloud. "Using your gummi ship, fly to the world of Wonderland."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now use the gummi ship they constructed and fly to the world of Wonderland. Their gummi ships will be moved to the gummi launch pad, where teams will get in and fly themselves through several obstacles until they reach Wonderland. Once there, teams must figure out how to get inside a very small door and find the clue box by the Queen's tower."

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Currently in 1st>
     "Should we wait for Rufus and Shinra?" Yuna asked Rikku.
     Both looked over at Shinra's monstrosity of a gummi ship, then back at each other. "Nope," they both said, then they turned and ran toward the gummi ship launch pad. They pushed open the large city gates and found their ship already waiting for them. They climbed inside and Rikku made a quick grab for the controls. Within only a few seconds, the ship lifted off and flew through space through a series of rings and small squares, which Rikku blasted through with the arsenal attached to the front.

     "Piece of cake, ya know?" Raijin said as he dusted his hands off. Cid looked the ship over, then silently handed him his clue. Fujin joined as Raijin read the clue aloud. They then headed off to find their gummi ship outside, where they boarded and flew off toward Wonderland.

     Steiner stood on the sidewalk with Beatrix hoisted up into the air. She reached out to a sign reading "Boots & Shoes" and finally grabbed on and pulled herself up. She opened up a small chest on top and pulled out a postcard.
     "They'd better not all be hidden like this," Beatrix said as she hopped down, where Steiner caught her against his armor. She grimaced. "Next time, let me fall. Your armor hurts more than ground. Thanks though."

     "Done," Jecht said. "Piece of cake."
     "Finished!" Shinra shouted proudly. "Come check it out, Mr. I-shouldn't-bother-learning-your-name."
     "Psh, screw you, buddy," Cid said, walking over to Jecht's ship. "Meh, this is a piece of crap, but it'll fly." He handed Jecht his clue, then stretched for a minute before walking to Shinra's ship and examining it. "Nah, this is too much crap. And you broke a piece!" He pointed to a crumbling square on the left side of the ship. "And you only have one wing!"
     "It's new and original!"
     "It'll fly like crap. Put another dang wing on."
     Shinra looked at him for a minute. "They don't let you cuss, do they?"
     "No they don't, dangit!" Cid yelled. He pulled the hay out of his mouth. "They won't even let me smoke the c-words!"
     "Well, at the very least say cigarettes," Shinra said. "I just got a mental picture and-"
     "Please, don't elaborate," Amarant said as he continued to assemble his gummi ship, all the while getting his dress very dirty and sweaty.

     Lani wandered around Traverse Town while Amarant worked on his gummi ship and spoke to all people she came across. She ran into a man in a colonial outfit quite literally.
     "Oh, silly me!" she said as her hands happened across him in inappropriate areas. "I'm sorry, I'm just so weak from a lack of food. I don't have any money, you see. In fact, all I have is this dress. Not even under-panties. I don't suppose you could give me some money to help me out..."
     "Here you are, young lass," the man said as he handed her a large amount of munny. "Now, use that well. Buy yourself some food and by all means, do not get tempted to spend it on panties."
     "Oh, of course, sir! Thank you!" Lani said as she bowed away from him and ran to watch Amarant at the roadblock again.

     "How about now?" Shinra said, pointing to his gummi ship. The sides were still broken beyond repair and the wings weren't level, but there were two of them.
     "Fine," Cid said as he handed him the clue. "Well, not fine. It's a piece of umm, the c-word, but-"
     "You're doing it again," Amarant said. "Also my stupid ship is done too."
     "It certainly is," Cid said, handing Amarant a clue.