Episode 7: Part 3

     Auron and Jecht slid to the end of the branch, which ended in a sharp turn upwards that sent them both flying about twenty feet to a platform of trees. There were several platforms and a limited amount of vines hanging between them. The platforms were in all the corners, northeast, northwest, southeast, and southwest, with Auron and Jecht on the southwest platform and the clue box on the northeast platform.
     "Should we go to one corner, then the clue? Or straight to the clue?" Auron asked Jecht.
     "You know my answer already," Jecht said. He cracked his knuckles.
     "Straight to the box it is."
     Jecht jumped out for the first vine and started swinging back and forth until he was able to grab the next vine. He let go of the old one and swung on the new as Auron took the first vine.

     "I'm not waiting for them, ya know?" Raijin said as he and Fujin walked onto the platform. "I think we should head to that corner, ya know?" He pointed at the southeast corner.
     "BOTH," Fujin said.
     "Good plan, ya know!" Raijin said. "I'll go this one, you go that one, so we don't have to wait for each other, ya know?"
     Raijin leapt out and grabbed the vine to head in the southeast direction, while Fujin went for the vine to the northwest. The two picked up momentum quickly, Raijin with his size and Fujin with her lack thereof. Raijin went quickly for the next vine and grabbed it, then quickly swung once and leapt for the platform. He fell slightly short and caught the platform by smashing his torso into the side. Despite having the wind knocked out of him, he took a few breaths, then pulled himself onto the platform.
     "KLUTZ!" Fujin yelled across to him from the northwest platform.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Third to Branches Detour>
     Lani looked down the long slick branch and looked back at Amarant, specifically at his dress. "We should've done the other one," Lani said.
     "Scared?" Amarant said.
     "No!" Lani quickly returned. "I mean, the actual sliding doesn't scare me, nor the fact that half the known world will see up my dress while I'm sliding at four million miles per hour! The problem is that if I don't go first, I'm gonna have to look at your fat, naked, hairy ass. Now move it ya big chicken! I'm first!"
     Lani jumped onto the branch and started sliding down. Amarant jumped on behind her and put his head down to gain speed. It wasn't long before he had caught up to Lani, who was waving her arms wildly to keep her balance. 
     "This suuuuuuucks!" Lani screamed. "Why couldn't we just kill somebody or something? We should've done the other detour! Red you su-" Lani suddenly ran headfirst into a raised branch and was knocked completely off her feet and off the branch. She started to fall to the water below when Amarant dug his feet into the branch and swung down and caught her by the foot. The sudden weight shift threw him off balance and he started to fall after her, but he reached out and grabbed the giant tree trunk and held on tightly. The bottom of Lani's dress flapped over her face.
     "I thought you didn't wear unders," Amarant said, looking at her pink frilly panties that seemed to match the dress perfectly.
     "So I went shopping while you were at your dumb roadblock! They were cute! Now stop gawking and pull me up!"
     Amarant started swinging her for a few seconds, then finally whipped her around the branch and plopped her down on it, face down. "Go. I'll catch up."
     "Are you sure?" Lani asked, just before falling face forward and bracing herself. She continued to slide forward at a very slow pace.
     "Positive," Amarant said as he hung and watched her in horror.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins>
     Yuna and Rikku sat in front of the ropes, waiting to go in again.
     "Sorry for the delay, ladies," Phil said. "Herc got a splinter and he's quite the baby when it comes to splinters. Some hero, huh?"
     "Ooh, ouchies," Rikku said. "I hate splinters."
     "You really don't want to be around her when she gets a splinter," Yuna said with a smile. "She's a screamer."
     "That's so interesting," Phil said. "Oh look, the course is ready. Go ahead, ladies! You have sixty seconds to break thirty barrels!"
     Yuna and Rikku jumped to their feet and ran outside to the fighting arena, where now there were fewer barrels, but a new gadget held ten barrels in the air and spun them horizontally in a circle, while four barrels were placed in opposite corners of the arena, not the fighting arena, but in the stands. The two glanced at the barrels in so many locations, but neither seemed too shocked.
     "I'll take the left," Yuna said.
     "The rights are all mine," Rikku said.
     Without another word, the two ran into the arena and the time began. Yuna made for the center barrels while Rikku went straight for the barrels in the stands. Yuna jumped up and struck the first barrel spinning in the air in a single blow.

     "Hey, Auron," Jecht said as he swung on a single vine near the middle. "We're in trouble. There isn't a center vine."
     "Why trouble?" Auron asked.
     "There's nowhere to go but back. So go back."
     Auron swung back and grabbed the next vine and worked his way to the original platform. Jecht started to swing back, but suddenly changed direction and swung to grab the vine in front of Raijin.
     "Hey, watch what you're doing, ya know?" Raijin said as he retracted his arm from grabbing the same vine.
     "Sorry, it'll just take a second," Jecht said as he released the old vine and pulled onto the new one. He started to swing quickly to the next vine, when his grip gave out and he started to fall, when Raijin reached out and grabbed his arm. Raijin started to pull him in, when his own grip gave out and both he and Jecht plummeted down and eventually splashed down in the waters below.
     "Well that's just great," Jecht said, looking up at the platform above.
     "Yeah, Fuge is gonna kill me, ya know?" Raijin said, swimming toward a very long ladder leading up to the first platform. "Better hurry up, don't wanna leave the boss waitin'."

     "KILL," Fujin said as she swung to the final platform.
     "Mind killing two?" Auron said as he swung to the final platform.
     "SURE."
     "Thanks."

     Yuna and Rikku stood in the arena with only one barrel in the corner remaining and both girls running for it. The clock was at five seconds and ticking down quickly as Rikku threw her rod at the barrel, shattering it into several pieces. The clock stopped with two seconds remaining. Both sighed and met in the center for a quick relief hug, then trotted inside to get their clue from Phil.
     "Nice work, ladies," Phil said, handing them their clue and giving Rikku a quick pat on the butt. 
     Rikku glared at Phil, then ripped open the clue. "Make your way to the pitstop at Hollow Bastion. Warning: the last team to check in may be eliminated."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now travel almost the full way across the galaxy to the land of Hollow Bastion. Once there, they must climb up several flights of large steps, use a magical transportation pod, and enter the large castle at the top. At the top of the stairs inside teams will find the pitstop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here, may be eliminated."

     "Pitstop," Yuna said calmly. "Let's go. This might have been the slow detour and-"
     "Relax," Rikku said. "Look, there's another gummi ship landing now. And it's so beat up that-"
     "It's the Shinras!" Yuna said. 
     Yuna and Rikku quickly ran out to their gummi ship and met with Rufus and Shinra in the middle, who were running the opposite direction toward the coliseum.

     "I'm never letting you do another roadblock again," Rufus said, just as a chunk of the left wing of the gummi ship fell completely off the ship. Not that it'll matter. We're eliminated for sure."
     "Don't worry so much, Rembrandt," Shinra said. "Your old dad still has a trick or two up his sleeve."
     "That's week old bologna," Rufus said. "Which is disgusting."
     "Rufus!" Rikku yelled. "What's it doin', pimpsta?"
     Rufus opened his mouth to respond, then looked over to Yuna. "Is the detour easy?"
     "It was for us, but I'm afraid we're the only ones who did this detour," Yuna said. "It might've been the slow one."
     "It might be, but you'll be fine. Fatty and I are in lots of trouble here. Our ship is busted and we haven't even started the detour. In fact, we need to hurry on." Rufus waved and grabbed Shinra by the jacket and tried to run off, only to find himself anchored down by Shinra's weight. "Come on!"
     "Coming," Shinra said as he trotted toward the detour behind Rufus.
     "Let's go!" Rikku said as she led Yuna toward the gummi parking. She waited as Yuna watched as Rufus and Shinra entered the coliseum. "Man, their ship is a wreck!" Rikku pointed out. "They're eliminated for sure. Unless..."
     "Unless what?" Yuna asked.
     "Check the rules for me, but I don't think anti-sabotage is a penalty, is it?"
     "No, but it'd slow us down if we-"
     "Big deal!" Rikku said. "Even if we don't finish by the time they finish the detour, there's no WAY they can out fly me!"
     Yuna paused and looked at their own gummi ship. "We should just go. We can't wait forever for an alliance. Besides, we could use the lead, assuming we have one. Otherwise we could be next to go."
     "Good point," Rikku said. "Okay, get in the ship."
     Yuna ran to the gummi ship and opened the hatch to get in, then looked back at Rikku. "Are you coming?"
     Rikku looked over the Shinra's ship, then looked back at Yuna. "You don't really want to abandon them. I'll only be five minutes!" Rikku ran to the Shinra's ship and picked up the broken piece of wing.
     "Rikku! We have to hurry!"
     "You'll thank me in the long run!" Rikku yelled back. "Five minutes! We'll be gone before they even see us!" She looked down at the ship. "What kind of moron would put this here!?" She picked up a broken gummi block and put it in place the correct direction. "Now there's somebody that never played the cylinder goes through the circle game. These don't even interlock!"

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers; Last to Branches Detour>
     Lani and Amarant flipped off the branch and landed on the platform. They looked at the vines and saw Fujin and Auron both waiting at the clue box, then looked down and saw Raijin climbing up the long ladder below, with Jecht breathing up his neck as he climbed only inches behind him.
     "That's weird," Lani said. "Hurry up, Flamer, we've gotta go fas-" she looked up at Amarant, who was already swinging across the first vine toward the northwest platform. "You suck on a team!"
     Amarant swung quickly across several branches, using his long reach to snag vines quickly. He waited on the third vine and continued to hold the second as Lani pulled herself onto the first vine. She was about to vocalize her complaint of how long Amarant was holding the second vine, when he suddenly flung the second vine to her. She grabbed the vine and switched to it, then swung forward as Amarant went on and continued to throw vines back to her.

     "STUPID," Fujin said, looking down at Raijin and Jecht.
     "Is it possible to switch teammates?" Auron asked. He looked at Fujin. "I wouldn't mind having a smarter, more dedicated -and much more attractive- teammate."
     "DITTO."
     "We should move," Auron said. "Amarant and Lani will be here soon." He extended his hand out to Fujin. "This is going to be an interesting race to the finish. May the best team win."
     "US," Fujin said with a smile as she shook his hand, then backed away as Amarant and Lani jumped to the final platform.
     Lani ran to the clue box as Amarant walked casually as usual. She pulled out the clue and looked at Amarant. "Amarant, I-"
     "Need to read faster," Amarant said, pointing at the unopened clue.
     She grinned, then looked down at the clue. "I know already! Sheesh! Be a bit more patient! I'm a lady, remember? Those things you don't like? Now hold your horses, Red!" She ripped open the clue and read it aloud. "Make your way to the pitstop at Hollow Bastion. Warning, the last team to check in may be eliminated."
     Amarant dusted off his pink dress. "It's an elimination leg."
     "And we'll be just fine with these two sitting here," Lani said loudly. She laughed as she and Amarant took a manmade path back to the gummi ships. They reached their ship quickly and took off.
     "What way?" Lani said from the driver's seat.
     Amarant opened the glove compartment and pointed to the right. "It's a long flight."
     "Great, and I'm stuck with you to entertain me," Lani said. "We should play a game on the way. Like Twenty Questions, or I Spy."
     "I've got a game," Amarant said. "Let's pretend we're in a race. Go faster."
     "Jerk," Lani said as she leaned back in her chair and drove with her feet.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Currently in 2nd>
     "Okay, good enough," Rikku said, stepping back to admire the Shinras' new gummi ship.
     "We should go," Yuna said, firing up the gummi ship engine.
     Rikku ran to their ship and hopped into the ship, nudging Yuna out of the driver's seat. She took off flying and glanced down at the map in front of her. She twisted the ship and punched the gas. "We're OFF!"
     "Rikku, I-" Yuna stopped. "Thank you."
     "Hey, don't worry about it! I know you didn't really want to ditch our alliance. He's too cute to ditch," she said with a wink. "Besides, it works out for the best. If they survive another leg, then our chances are better. Don't get me wrong, they're good racers, but if it comes down to a footrace and a bunch of physical tasks in the end, we've got it made!"
     "If they survive," Yuna trailed off.
     "Right. If."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Last to Barrels Detour>
     Shinra pounded a barrel to smithereens as Rufus ran to two remaining barrels. He pounded on the one in front of him, then kicked the last barrel at Shinra. The barrel rolled toward him and he quickly bashed it with his rod. Rufus finally pounded his own barrel and the timer in the sky stopped.
     "Damn, Tubs," Rufus said. "You move slower than molasses, but you sure beat the hell out of those barrels. I guess there's either muscle hidden under that fat, or maybe just a whole lot of momentum."
     "I don't know the physics behind it," Shinra said, missing all putdowns and only noticing the praise, "but your old man isn't just dead weight."
     "And a lot of weight that is," Rufus said. "Speaking of weight, we need to get out of here so they can set up the next set."
     "I don't get the segue."
     "Weight, as in, you're fat, and wait, as in, waiting for the waiter to bring us our food."
     "Oh. I get it." Shinra trotted back to the lobby with Phil as Rufus walked behind him.

<Raijin & Fujin: Friends; Auron & Jecht: Grizzled Old Guys, At Branches Detour>
     Raijin raced up the ladder and onto the platform, quickly making his way toward the northwest platform. He jumped out for the first vine and grabbed on, swinging back and forth for the next vine.
     Jecht came up the ladder only a couple seconds later and raced for the southeast platform. He swung on the first vine, then reached the second, but took a couple extra seconds making sure he had a good grip before proceeding on.
     The two raced toward the final platform with Raijin reaching it first. Fujin grabbed the clue quickly and ripped it open. She didn't even look at it as she explained the contents. "PITSTOP."
     "We'd better hurry then, ya know?" Raijin said.
     "DOLT!" Fujin said.
     "Sorry, ya know? Instinct kicked in and I tried-"
     "SHUT," Fujin commanded as she and Raijin ran to the gummi ships.
     Jecht reached the platform and the two grabbed their clue and ran after Fujin and Raijin. They reached their own ship only a few seconds after the other gummi ship took off and raced on, following Raijin and Fujin's ship.
     "Keep close to them," Jecht ordered Auron. "We'll take 'em in a foot race."
     "Do you think the other detour was quicker?" Auron asked.
     "Who cares? If we beat these two, it doesn't matter if anybody is behind us!"

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, At Barrels Detour>
     The two approached the second arena and looked at the setup.
     "Okay, Babe Ruth," Rufus said. "You take the main arena, I'll get those ones that involve running.
     "Will do," Shinra said. He ran into the arena and started the timer. He instantly began wailing on the barrels in the center.
     Rufus quickly headed for the barrels in the right stands and ran full speed toward the stands. He raced up the steps and took a couple swings at the first barrel, then as it crashed down, he headed across the top to the side of the stands to the other barrel. It also fell after a couple swings. Rufus ran on pure adrenaline to the other side of the arena, not even checking to see how Shinra was doing in the center. He looked up at the clock and saw that forty seconds had already elapsed as he reached the bottom of the stands. He sped up the steps and headed for the barrel when his jacket caught an edge of a seat and he fell forward on the step in front of him.
     With the wind knocked out of him, he slowly stood up and looked at the timer, which had only eleven seconds remaining. He hopped to his feet and ran for the barrel at the top, taking three swings to break the barrel. He sprinted while out of breath for the last barrel and glanced at the time, which had only two seconds remaining. Knowing he couldn't make the run, he threw his rod at the barrel and hoped for the best. As the timer ticked down, the rod flew through the air, then bounced off the barrel, barely even denting it. The timer fell to under one second as Shinra jumped in front of Rufus's view and took a final baseball-style swing and destroyed the barrel.
     Rufus looked at his father, then back at the timer, which had only twelve hundredths of a second remaining. He looked at the center arena where all the barrels were completely crushed. "Wha.... How?" Rufus panted.
     "Your old man's got more drive in him than you think!" Shinra bellowed. "Come on, son. We've got some catching up to do."
     The two ran inside and grabbed the clue from Phil. Phil said nothing as the two left the building and headed for their gummi ship.
     "We're still probably in last," Rufus said. "Thanks for helping out on the detour though."
     "Thanks!?" Shinra said. He stopped dead in his tracks. "Son, a Shinra never says 'Thanks' to ANYBODY."
     "Not even hookers?" Rufus asked.
     Shinra smiled. "Only if they're really really good. Now hurry up. I told you, this old man's more useful than you think. On the drive over here, I saw a shortcut. In the name of Columbus, we'll take the back route to Hollow Bastion. The other teams will probably take the long way, which is almost three times as long as the route we'll take."
     "You're ki- wait, what the hell is a Columbus? You know, what? Never mind. I don't care. That still rocks!" Rufus said with a sudden burst of energy. "But with our ship..."
     Shinra and Rufus rounded the corner and found their ship fully repaired with a note under the windshield wiper. Shinra read it out loud. "You're welcome, happy face, signed YR." He looked up at Rufus. "You keep charming those ladies, and I'll keep finding us shortcuts."
     "We might still be in this," Rufus said. He and Shinra boarded the gummi ship. "But what if the other teams found that shortcut too?"
     "Then we'll have to hope one team has screwed up even more than us," Shinra said as they took off.

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating>
     "I can't find it anywhere!" Beatrix yelled at Steiner.
     "We've double-checked and triple-checked every district!" Steiner replied. "There IS no tenth postcard!"
     "Did you check every room in the hotel?"
     "Twice!"
     "Did you check the gizmo shop?"
     "Thrice!"
     "Then what should we do?" Beatrix asked. She fell to her knees and was on the verge of tears.
     "We've seen more perilous things than a loss on a television program," Steiner said. He crouched down by Beatrix and comfortingly put his arm around her. "Shall we quit the fast-forward and finish the race as intended? There may be a chance that a team journeyed in the wrong direction."
     "There's no chance of that," Beatrix said. "The remaining teams are all strong competition and would not falter as much as we would need."
     "There is still a chance!" Steiner said. He calmed down again. "Should we simply go to the pitstop with our heads held high and accept defeat?"
     Beatrix wiped her eyes, then looked up at Steiner. "No, wait a minute. High, high... Did we check anything high?"
     "We checked the second floor of the cafe, and we checked the top of the gizmo shop, despite my falling from the rickety ladder of ungodliness, then there was the b-"
     "But did we check rooftops?" Beatrix asked.
     "I would certainly break all rooftops in this poorly constructed village," Steiner said. He looked at the concern in Beatrix's eyes. "That is a no. No, I have not checked the rooftops."
     "Boost me up!" Beatrix ordered, running to the nearest building.
     Steiner grabbed Beatrix by the waist, then hurled her into the air, catching the bottoms of her feet, then launching her higher until she landed on the rooftop. She ran swiftly along the rooftop and checked for postcards, then without waiting for Steiner, jumped a large gap to the next roof and ran along it.
     "Beatrix! Use more caution whilst venturing in such dangerous situations!" Steiner yelled as he ran alongside the building.
     "I'm a General! I don't need to be told to be more safe!" she yelled back. "And don't use the word 'whilst' in my presence ever again!"
     Steiner ran around the building where he expected Beatrix to end up, but saw nothing. Finally Beatrix jumped down from the rooftop, landing behind Steiner and catching herself with a palm to the floor. As he turned to look at her, she held up a postcard.
     Steiner waved his arms in the air, but could not think of any words to accompany his motion. Beatrix grabbed one of his flailing arms and pulled him toward the mailbox with the ten postcards. The two quickly pulled out all ten postcards and tossed them in the mailbox. A few seconds later, the mailbox spat out a clue. Beatrix picked it up.
     "Travel to the pitstop at Hollow Bastion," Beatrix read.

<Announcer Gippal>
     "For completing the fast-forward, Steiner and Beatrix are allowed to go straight to the pitstop. However, since other teams built their own modes of transportation on a roadblock skipped by Steiner and Beatrix, they will be instead flown in our own special limousine-style gummi ship, complete with complimentary chardonnay and a comfortable, bump-free flight."

<Steiner & Beatrix: Dating, Currently in Last Place>
     "Hollow Bastion is a long distance from here," Steiner observed, looking at a map as they awaited the limogummi. "Do you think the other teams are on their way there? Or maybe the detour was as difficult as our fast-forward?"
     "We can only hope so," Beatrix said as she stepped into the limogummi that had pulled up to Traverse Town's gate. "At the very least we can go out in style."
     "We did our best," Steiner said as he joined Beatrix inside and sat next to her on a very cushioned leather seat. Both grabbed a glass of chardonnay from a silver platter to Beatrix's left and sat back. "We can only hope now. At least hope finally comes with a leather interior and chardonnay."
     "Hope never looked so elegant," Beatrix said. She looked to the front. "Driver, to Hollow Bastion."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son>
     Shinra and Rufus flew their improved gummi ship quickly as a world of many steps came into view. They could see the castle of Hollow Bastion.
     "Your shortcut worked, Dad!" Rufus said. The gummi ship fell silent. "I- I mean, fat umm, guy. Because you're fat."
     "Yes," Shinra said. "And it looks like no other gummi ships are here. This could be our first first place, Rrr- umm, have I used Rudy?"
     "Probably," Rufus said. "But there are a lot of steps."
     "Never mind that!" Shinra said. There's nobody in sight! Take us down, Son!"
     Rufus moved the gummi ship toward the Hollow Bastion landing area, when suddenly a bright light flashed and a long, stretched gummi ship appeared on the landing area. "The hell!?" Rufus shouted.

     "You said... We're here?" Steiner asked the driver, glancing down at his still full chardonnay.
     "This baby is equipped with a Warp-G," the driver informed them. "Instantly takes you wherever you want. You'd better hurry though." The driver pointed into the sky where a gummi ship was coming down quickly.
     The door opened and both Steiner and Beatrix chugged their glass of chardonnay, then ran out of the ship quickly and headed for the many steps. They immediately dropped their bags and ran and climbed as fast as they could.
     Shinra and Rufus exited their ship just as quickly and dropped their packs next to their ship. Rufus ran full speed, while Shinra ran his own full speed. The running speed mattered very little when they reached the actual steps and Steiner and Shinra soon found themselves in a dead heat determining whether it was harder to climb in armor or climb while fat. 
     Beatrix had found the top of the steps quickly, while Rufus came in a distant second. The two watched as Steiner and Shinra duked it out. Finally Steiner and Shinra climbed up opposite sides of the same block and joined Rufus and Beatrix as all four jumped into the moving platform and were carried quickly to the top. The four exited and ran for the castle entrance. They all entered at approximately the same time as Rufus and Shinra ran for the left stairs and Beatrix and Steiner ran for the right. The two staircases winded up to the same point, where Gippal stood at the mat waiting beside a large, hairy creature in a purple cloak. Both teams sprinted as one team pulled ahead and stumbled onto the mat.
     "Welcome to Hollow Bastion," the Beast growled.
     Gippal looked at the team. "Steiner and Beatrix, you're team number one!"
     "My Lord, thank you, Gippal," Beatrix said, catching her breath. "That was a difficult task at the fast-forward. But, no penalty for killing the poor moogle?"
     "Nobody liked that moogle," Gippal said. "Also, he was an ass."
     "Indeed," Steiner said. "But no prize?"
     "Sorry, no prize," Gippal informed them. "It was going to be a prize to golf in Wonderland, but the Queen wouldn't allow it. How about we just give you each like, 1000 gil?"
     "Sure!" Beatrix said quickly.
     "Then it's settled." Gippal looked up. "Now let's let our second place team join us on the mat."
     Shinra and Rufus moved onto the mat and looked at Gippal.
     "Shinra and Rufus, you're team number two." Gippal looked at the two. "Looks like you two have bonded quite a bit-"
     "No," they both said.
     "Of course not," Gippal said. 

     "You sure this is the way to Hollow Bastion?" Yuna asked as Rikku flew the ship through several armies of angry gummi ships.
     "I think so," Rikku said. "Check the map. I just passed that watery place, then that clock tower place, and now I'm at the pumpkin place."
     "That's the wrong way- Err, I think," Yuna said, looking at the map.
     "Is it?" Rikku asked. She grabbed the map from Yuna. "Oh dangit! I passed it!"
     "We're gone for sure," Yuna said.
     "Don't say that just yet!" Rikku said. "Never doubt an Al-Bhed's flying abilities!" Rikku spun the ship around and fired up the engines. Yuna fell out of her seat as the ship bounced around and twisted in a three-dimensional space U-turn.

     Amarant sat in silence as Lani flew the ship. She looked over at him, but he was sitting completely still. Motionless, yet still awake.
     "You're so boring!" Lani shouted at him. "What if you make me fall asleep while I'm driving?"
     "I'd drive," Amarant said.
     "What if I was still in the driver's seat and you couldn't reach the controls around my bored, sexy, sleeping body?" 
     "I'd move you."
     Lani paused, then pointed to the left out the window. "What's that?"
     "The wrong way," Amarant said.
     "No no, the big fishy thing!"
     "Still the wrong way," Amarant said. "Just don't piss it off. It looks angry."
     "Don't YOU piss ME off, Flamer!" Lani yelled.
     "You're picking a fight because you're bored?" Amarant asked.
     "A little! Now fight back, pussy!" Lani looked over at Amarant, who was again silent and motionless. "Jerk! I hate you! BRAHNE would've made a better partner!"

     "They're still there, ya know?" Raijin said. 
     "FOLLOWING," Fujin said from the driver's seat.
     "Yeah, they're definitely following us. Should we go the wrong way and try to ditch them? Might work, ya know? Then again, it might backfire horribly and we'd be sacked, ya know?"
     "STUPID."
     "Yeah, that's be stupid. Besides, we don't even know if we're fighting for the bottom, ya know? Somebody might've gotten lost, ya know? Or worse. I don't know what worse could happen aside from death or disqualification, but there's still a chance, ya know?"
     "HOPEFUL."

     "You sure they're not leading us some stupid way?" Jecht asked.
     Auron looked up from the steering controls. "You're the navigator, you tell me."
     "Just worried is all," Jecht said. "We've been flying for quite a while and I swear we've passed that giant space-whale about four thousand times."
     "It moves. It's passing us. Besides, how can you tell it's the same one?"
     "We former giant creatures know how to tell other giant creatures apart from one another. Trust me, it's the same one."
     "I'll take your word for it," Auron said. He paused for a minute, then looked up at Jecht. "So what gender is it? Is it turning you on?"
     "It's male," Jecht said.
     Auron continued to look at him. "So yes?"
     "Go to hell, Auron. One of us has gotten laid before. One of us has a child with a sexy woman. The other used to talk about snuggling for warmth with two grown men."
     "Mt. Gagazet is a cold place," Auron said. 
     "It was summer," Jecht said.
     "You're still hot for that man fish."

     A gummi ship landed at the Hollow Bastion and Amarant and Lani quickly jumped out. They headed quickly up the steps and into the castle. They stood on the map and faced Gippal and the Beast.
     "Lani and Amarant," Gippal said, "you're team number three!"
     "Thanks, Gippal," Lani said. "By the way, can Amarant be a greeter and I'll take that hairy dude as a partner? Red is too boring. Even the dog-man might like, do some tricks for me or something."
     Gippal looked at the Beast. "You gonna take that?"
     "It's cool," the Beast grumbled. "You should hear what the dishes call me. Or worse: the toilet. Oh, and the  shower. I hate the shower."
     "Anyway," Gippal said, redirecting attention to Amarant and Lani. "Last to third. How's that feel?"
     "Great," Lani said. "I'm looking forward to buying some real clothes at this pitstop. Flamer's not, but I sure am."
     Amarant looked at the Beast. "Be my teammate."

     A single gummi ship landed on the platform, followed closely by two others. Yuna and Rikku jumped out of their gummi ship and looked into the sky at the two ships heading for the world. They started running quickly for the large steps.
     "Drop your pack!" Rikku ordered Yuna, who complied quickly. The two started climbing quickly for the moving platform.

     "All the ships are here except us two, ya know?" Raijin said, directing his gummi ship down to the parking area. "Leave the packs and get ready to run, ya know?"
     "READY," Fujin said with her hand on the exit handle.

     "This is gonna be close, Auron," Jecht said. He started stretching his arms and legs. "Heh, we should've eliminated them a few legs ago."
     "Isn't this the competition you wanted?" Auron asked.
     "You betcha," Jecht said in a very serious tone.

     Raijin and Fujin touched down first as their cockpit flew open and the two jumped out, running quickly after Yuna and Rikku. Fujin was out first and led Raijin by several feet. Raijin looked back at the other ship as Auron and Jecht touched down.

     Jecht jumped out of the ship first and sprinted extremely fast out the door. His barefeet barely even seemed to touch the ground as he ran at Raijin, gaining on him quickly. Auron ran quickly as well as he slid out of the top half of his jacket, which flapped behind him in the wind. 

     Fujin climbed the first large step and reached down for Raijin. He took her hand and she pulled him up the majority of the way as he did the rest of the work with his legs. The two continued in this fashion up the steps like it had been rehearsed. They were within two large steps of Yuna and Rikku, who were moving onto the moving platform.
     "WAIT," Fujin yelled to the girls.
     "Yeah, okay, we'll jump on at the same time!" Rikku yelled to them. "NOT!"
     Rikku and Yuna jumped onto the moving platform just as Raijin and Fujin reached the top. It took off to the top carrying only the two girls, who were currently taunting them.
     Raijin and Fujin waited for the platform as Auron and Jecht climbed up the final step and waited right beside them. All four breathed heavily as the moving platform started to head back.
     "I promised you an interesting race," Auron said to Fujin. She smiled back at him.

     Yuna and Rikku ran up the final stairs and jumped onto the mat.
     "Yuna and Rikku," Gippal said, "you're team number four."
     "Thank you," Yuna choked out between breaths.

     The platform arrived and Auron, Jecht, Raijin, and Fujin all got on. The platform went for what seemed like an eternity to all four hyped up racers. All stood ready to run at the edge of the platform and none even cared to look at the castle in front of them. All were only focused on the racers around them and the ground in front of them. Not a single word was exchanged as the platform reached the top.
     All four racers sprinted at top speed and bashed into each other with their pumping arms as they traveled down the path and inside the door. Jecht took a lead out in front, only to have Fujin right behind him as her leg went between his legs and managed to get behind his front leg and in front of his rear leg. The two went crashing to the ground with their legs tangled as Raijin hopped to one side to avoid stepping on them and Auron leapt over the two, only slightly catching his foot on one of Jecht's outstretched arms. He stumbled, but caught himself and resumed sprinting just slightly behind Raijin.
     Jecht and Fujin both quickly popped up and ran on, though both showed signs of leg pains. They both went up the left staircase and fought constantly for the lead as Raijin and Auron both reached the mat and stood on it, waiting for their respective partners. Fujin took the inside track and gained a short lead on Jecht, then pushed in front of him to cut him off.
     Jecht saw her move and knew he'd been beaten in the footrace. He still ran his hand along the slick banister. He marked Fujin's speed and followed her all the way up the stairs, then with only about five steps remaining, he pulled on the banister and jumped up, putting his left leg on the banister firmly gripping the side with his toes, then leapt across the divide between the stairs and the second floor and cleared the second floor banister.
     Fujin saw the attempt to steal the lead and ran even harder, despite her obviously pained leg. Fujin ran forward as Jecht rolled and popped up and resumed his own running. They were only inches away from each other with Jecht slightly in front, when suddenly Fujin's knee hyperextended and she started to fall forward. Raijin left the mat to catch her, but she was still too far out as she almost hit the ground until Jecht reached out and caught her and fell with her, then twisted to fall underneath her and soften her landing.
     Raijin left the mat to aid his teammate as Jecht sat with her head in his lap.
     "Hey, you okay?" Jecht asked her.
     She shut her eyes tightly and gritted her teeth and grabbed her knee.
     "Hey, open your eyes," Jecht yelled. "Are you okay?"
     She opened her eyes but continued to grit her teeth as she nodded to Jecht.
     Raijin tapped Jecht on the shoulder, then pointed over his own shoulder at the mat. He reached down and pulled Fujin off of Jecht and to her feet as Jecht rose up and walked to the mat slowly, looking back at Fujin as he walked. Auron watched as well as Raijin lifted her to her feet and supported her bad leg.
     "Auron and Jecht," Gippal said, "you're team number five."
     Jecht and Auron both simply nodded, then cleared off the mat. 
     Fujin tested her leg and bent it a couple times before Raijin picked her up and carried her to the mat.
     "Raijin and Fujin," Gippal said, "you're the last team to arrive. I'm sorry to tell you you've both been eliminated from the race."
     "We couldn't continue like this anyway, ya know?" Raijin said. "It doesn't look serious, but it would've still held us back. Psychologically, ya know?"
     "Are you upset that things turned out this way, especially since you've led so many legs?" Gippal asked.
     "Not at all, ya know? We should've been gone a few legs ago anyway to these same guys. They're great racers and they beat Fuge and I twice now, ya know. I'm just glad nothing worse happened to Fuge, ya know? She's tough and would've run on two broken legs. She'll recover from this in no time. And hey, maybe she'll have a bum leg for a few weeks and kick me less, ya know? Hell, that's a million dollar prize in itself!" Fujin socked Raijin in the arm. Raijin winced. "Hey, careful. I'll drop you, ya know!"
     Fujin reached out and pulled in Jecht for a hug, then beckoned for Auron for a hug as well. "Nice race," she said to them. The two nodded as Raijin smiled and carried her away.