Episode 8: Early Show

INT. STUDIO

Baralai stood up with a confused look on his face as he spun slowly in circles looking at the floor.

BARALAI: Where's my chair?

NOOJ (O.S.): Don't you think the absence of your guests matters more?

BARALAI: Not really. I just would like to make it through an interview in comfort. Have you seen the chair?

NOOJ (O.S.): Yeah. Your guests ran off with it.

Jecht and Auron enter from the left carrying a blue director's chair with "BARALEE" written on the back.

JECHT: You snitch.

BARALAI: Can we talk about the show now?

Baralai sat down in his chair and faced Auron and Jecht, who sat in director's chairs across from him.

BARALAI: Hello and welcome to my segment of The Early Final Fantasy Show. We have the latest castoffs from The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Please welcome Auron and Jecht.

AURON: Why do we have to talk to you?

BARALAI: Because the viewing public must know what went wrong. So what exactly went wrong? What happened that last leg?

JECHT: Bad leg.

AURON: Can we go now?

BARALAI: Bad leg meaning your leg?

JECHT: Sure.

AURON: Can we go now?

BARALAI: Now, you two were basically the villains through this whole thing. You eliminated Dr. P and Double D, you literally dropped Strago and Relm into last place, you got tangled with Fujin and Raijin, as well as some other general hijinks.

JECHT: I've done worse in my life. Besides, it was all in good fun. We wanted to keep the competition lively. Those two girls in the second leg were good competition and were going to beat us. Or at least beat Auron. I could out run them. I'm the best. But we planned a few maneuvers in case of disaster. That was one of them, and it was completely legal.

AURON: We knocked off Strago and Relm to keep a strong and competitive environment. They obviously couldn't win so we didn't want them taking away from the competitiveness. Jecht and I didn't even discuss it, we just both knew it was what we had to do.

JECHT: We were just surprised that the squirt and old fart didn't figure that out and make a move to pass us. We gave them a heck of an opportunity to do it.

AURON: Can we go now?

BARALAI: What about the fake clue box you two constructed? What were your intentions with that?

AURON: Just having a bit of fun with our competition. Yuna and Rikku are strong women. I think that by giving them extra tasks they were able to become a stronger team. I never expected them to lose because of a fake clue box. Yuna is possibly the strongest woman I know.

JECHT: We really do love those two girls. They just seemed like the two that would actually react to our trick, and it was getting heavy to lug the pieces around.

BARALAI: So how horrible was it to come in last on that leg by only a matter of seconds? Do you regret anything like not walking just a few seconds faster?

JECHT: I personally don't regret anything. We mentally checked out the leg before when Fujin and I collided. It's all fun until somebody gets hurt, so after that point we weren't really motivated. Hell, even I was hurt, so hell if I wanted to continue.

BARALAI: I see. Now, I seem to remember a bit about a carriage in Central Park-

JECHT: They AIRED that!?

AURON: Never happened.

BARALAI: And was it enjoyable to -let's say- ride Auron that last leg?

JECHT: They AIRED that!?

AURON: Can we go now?

BARALAI: I'm sorry, I just read the cue cards. I really do respect you two, it's just weird to see two highly respected and honored guardians act like you did on the race.

AURON: Jecht is quite the competitor. Have you seen his Sublimely Something-or-other Jecht Shot Thing? He's a complete dick when he gets into a competitive environment.

JECHT: Heh, it's true. We were also a bit annoyed at the show anyway. They labeled us as Grizzled Old Guys. We're not that old.

AURON: We are fairly grizzled through.

JECHT: So?

AURON: Just mentioning it. 

BARALAI: So now who are you two cheering for?

AURON: Yuna and Rikku. Cheering for the home team. They've grown throughout this competition. They deserve the win.

JECHT: I want the fat guy and his son. The fat dude is great. Then again, the whore and the giant chicken are cool people. Maybe them.

AURON: Can we go now?

BARALAI: Yes.

AURON and JECHT: Finally.