Episode 10: Part 1

<Announcer Gippal>
     Gippal stood at the end of a white entryway to an even whiter palace. He held on tightly to a nearby spire and waved his foot out above the cloud surface only inches away. He looked slighlty left of the camera. "You're sure this is safe to walk on?" He looked nervously to the cloud floor again. He stepped out with both eyes obviously shut tightly, despite the patch covering one eye. His foot hit as if on any other surface, only tiny puffs of white erupted with each step. He walked around more confidently and opened his eyes. "Edit that out, guys. Start here... I'm standing here in the cloud city known as Nimbus Land. It is the home to a royal family of cloud people, as well as the home to the ninth pitstop in a race around worlds. Teams fought hard to survive in the last leg and only a faulty map led to the elimination of Steiner and Beatrix. Now three teams remain. Will Yuna and Rikku recover after falling so far behind at the detour? Will Amarant and Lani's teamwork continue, or will the fighting start once again? Amarant and Lani, who were first to arrive at 4:34 pm, will depart at 4:34 am."

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, 1st to depart: 4:34 am>
     "Hot springs are gross," Lani whined as she forced her fingers through her wet, knotted hair. "I smell horrible. Kind of like you after you shower."
     Amarant ignored her and ripped open the clue. "Take a bus to Chocobo Air Garden in Gaia."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now travel by the cloud bus in Nimbus Land to the Chocobo Air Garden. The Chocobo Air Garden is a place only accessible by cloud bus or a gold chocobo. From Nimbus Land there are two busses: one departing at 6:30 am and one departing at 7:30 am."

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Currently in 1st>
     "We're going home!?" Lani yelled happily as she grabbed the clue from Amarant. "Oh man are we going to win this one. How much money did we get for this leg?"
     "They've been giving us money?" Amarant asked. "I thought this three hundred gil was a bribe."
     "Of course they have. I just usually pocket it before you can smell it. Speaking of smells, I can't wait for all of you to be forced onto a small bus with yours truly. I smell fresher than a-"
     "I don't want to know," Amarant said. "You smell like hot springs. Get over it."
     "You get over it!" Lani yelled. She frowned as Amarant began to walk away. "Why do you always do that!?"
     Lani caught up to Amarant as he looked down at a sign labeled 'Hours of Operation'.
     "They don't open until 6," Amarant said. "You have about two hours to smell better. If you continue to smell like this, I'm throwing you out of the bus."
     "Shut your beak, chicken! I'll do what I want. And it just so happens that I can't stand my own smell either. So even though it has nothing to do with you, I'm going to get clean. Piss off."
     Lani walked off to find a shower as Amarant sat beside the entrance for the gates to open to the cloud bus. 

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, 2nd to depart: 4:55 am>
     Rufus ripped open the clue and read it out loud. "Take a bus to Chocobo Air Garden in Gaia."
     "Mmm, chocobo," Shinra said.
     "Please tell me you don't eat chocobos," Rufus said as he brushed hair out of his eyes.
     "Is there something wrong with that?"
     "Let's continue the race," Rufus said as he pointed toward the bus station. "I see Amarant sitting there, so I think we're okay with catching the first bus. We should wait in line anyway though."
     "You're certainly becoming observant, Radish," Shinra said. "This race makes me confident in saying that when I die, you can take over the family business."
     "That statement raises so many continuity questions," Rufus responded. "Let's pretend it never happened and wait with Amarant."

     Amarant staggered awake as he attempted to drift off to sleep. He opened his eyes and saw Rufus and Shinra approaching with Lani still nowhere to be seen.
     "You know, we get first priority since both of us are here," Rufus explained to Amarant.
     Amarant looked around at the emptiness that was the bus station. He looked back to Rufus. "Be my guest. I don't think second in line will lose me a bus seat."
     "Just making sure you knew," Rufus said.
     "Wait one gysahl pickin' moment," Lani yelled at Rufus as she vigorously rubbed a towel on her wet hair. Her clothes were between her knees and a second towel was wrapped around her body as she staggered toward the group. "Red, what are you doing!? No giving away our position in line! Bad Flamer!"
     "You left," Amarant said. Before Lani could argue, he looked up at Rufus. "That's all the help you get. The rest of this argument is yours."
     "You did leave," Rufus said to Lani. "It won't matter though."
     "Neither will my fist in your ass!" Lani yelled at Rufus.
     "No, see, that one does matter."
     "Well I'm not giving up my spot!"
     "Fine," Shinra chimed in. "We'll let you slide that once. If you leave the line again though, we'll take your spot."
     "Ha! Suckers!" Lani yelled as she sat next to Amarant and continued to dry her hair. She finished and put the towel down in front of her. She found her pile of clothes and grabbed them as she rose to her feet. "I'll be back, Red. I just need to chan-" she looked up at the Shinras as both simply smiled and crossed their arms. "Oh. Well I mean, I'm going to-" she looked over at Amarant, who was wide awake and staring at her, possibly more intently than the Shinras.
     "We really do need to be first," Amarant said. "It's completely vital to our success."
     "I'm vital to your, umm," Lani shouted several attempts at comebacks and putdowns, but she was unable to finish any of them. "Screw you all! I'll change right here, but you perverts don't get to look!" She ducked underneath her hair towel and pulled her clothes underneath, though she was unable to cover all her body parts. She continued to fight to the best of her ability to get dressed under a small towel as all three men watched intently.
     "I love second place," Rufus said.
     "It definitely has its moments," Shinra concurred.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Last to depart: 6:00 am>
     Rikku ripped open the clue. "Chocobo Air Garden!" she shouted.
     "Ooh, what's that!?" Yuna asked eagerly.
     "I dunno, but it's chocobos!"
     "And gardens! Maybe it's where they grow chocobos!" Yuna said.
     "In the sky?" Rikku asked herself. "That seems so strange, but yeah, I guess it makes sense."
     "I think we need to get to the bus station," Yuna said as she watched the other two teams enter the bus station in the distance.
     Rikku nodded and Yuna nodded back before both began running to the bus station. It was very close to the pitstop and with the gates lowered it was simply a cloud platform with a large cloud bus parked beside it. The man on the bus took money from each of the teams as they boarded.
     Yuna grabbed the money and walked to the bus driver with Rikku only a couple steps behind her.
     "Fifty gil each to ride," the driver said to Yuna. 
     "You use gil here?" Rikku asked.
     "I drive to a world that uses gil, and if you don't mind me saying, I like spending money in Gaia a lot better than here. I don't like mushrooms you see."
     "We see," Yuna and Rikku said as both handed fifty gil to the driver.
     Yuna and Rikku walked down the aisle of the bus and saw Rufus and Shinra sitting in their own seat made of clouds with Rufus closest to the aisle. Rikku took the supposed window seat, which on this bus with no walls was more like the danger seat, leaving Yuna to sit on the outside across the aisle from Rufus.
     "You two are so strange but cute," Rikku said to Yuna, breaking Yuna's stare on Rufus.
     "Gag me, Red," Lani said as she laid on her back with her head dipping into the aisle. Amarant sat on the seat across the aisle from Lani and sat in a similar fashion, though his head was hanging out the bus.
     "I'll choke you soon," Amarant said. "Sometime after we finish this race. Win or lose, you can pretty much count on me choking you."
     "You'd better do it quickly. I was really looking forward to keeping my axe warm inside your chest."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "All three teams are now flying to the Chocobo Air Garden in the world of Gaia via cloud bus."

<Arrive at Chocobo Air Garden: 9:30 am>
     The three teams stepped off the cloud bus and looked around at their odd surroundings. They were on a large chunk of dirt and grass floating only a matter of feet above the clouds. As opposed to the clouds from before, these would not support weight, which made the chunks of land much more vital. The area was lush with flowers and even a dirt bridge connecting two of the chunks of land.
     Yuna and Rikku were the first to spot the clue box across the bridge from them as they jogged over to it, being careful to fall off the side. Yuna reached in and pulled out her clue.
     "Roadblock," she read. "Who's hot?"

<Announcer Gippal>
     "A roadblock is a task that only one person may perform. In this roadblock, that person must play a game known as Chocobo Hot and Cold. The person must ride one of the three gold chocobos and and use that chocobo to dig up an object known as a chocograph in a random location. To locate the chocograph, they must dig in random locations. If the chocobo senses an object is nearby it will begin to make louder and louder noises as they dig closer. There are more objects buried than just the three chocographs, so the chocobos will not be able to tell a potion from a chocograph. In addition, the gold chocobos they will ride are capable of running on top of the clouds without sinking through, though no pieces will be buried in the clouds."

     "This is a trick question I think," Rikku said. "I mean, maybe they should've said: who's hotter. But despite my being hotter, you should do it, Yunie."
     "Me?" Yuna asked timidly.
     "You handle chocobos better than I do. You'd be better at this."
     "Right, I'll do it then!" Yuna said.

     "This is sooooo mine," Lani said. "Hope you liked finding the girlie dressup clothes in your roadblock. In mine I get to ride the most pimped out chocobo there is. Sucker."
     "At least mine was easy," Amarant said.

     "Not a friggin chance," Rufus told Shinra. "You keep your fatass away from my chocobo. I'm doing this... %*^#ing chocobo eater..."

     Rufus, Yuna, and Lani ran to the three gold chocobos standing only a short distance from the clue box and each one mounted their bird. Rufus led his chocobo immediately down a slope onto the clouds and around the back to the farthest location. He poked the chocobo's neck and the chocobo responded by pecking the ground and emitting a quiet kweh. He continued to lead his chocobo around the area until it finally was a bit louder with a kweh!? He led the chocobo in a circle until it finally yelled KWEHHH!!! and began pecking furiously at the ground. It finally picked up an object and dropped it in Rufus's hand.
     "300 gil?" Rufus said. He tossed the gil on the ground and led his chocobo to a new location. "Too bad we can't keep the things we find," he muttered to himself.

     Yuna led her chocobo across the bridge and began pecking around. It immediately let out a KWEHHH!!! and began digging. It quickly found an object and coughed it at Yuna.
     "A potion?" she said. She patted her chocobo on the head. "Good try! You can do it next time."
     The chocobo kwehed with delight and began digging once again. It immediately found another object and coughed an ether into Yuna's hand.
     "You're such a smart chocobo," Yuna complimented while rubbing its head. "Hopefully we can find a chocograph soon, okay?"
     The chocobo nodded and ran around trying to find another object to dig up.

     Lani immediately forced her chocobo to begin digging and her chocobo instantly found an object.
     "Dig dig dig!" Lani screamed at her chocobo. "Dig until you can't dig anymore! And when you can't dig anymore, I'll hit you until you can!"
     The chocobo finally coughed up a bucket containing several small bird bones.
     "Eww, somebody was eating chocobo wings? And they buried it!?"

     "Ever eaten a chocobo?" Shinra asked Amarant.
     "A live one?" Amarant asked.
     "N-"
     "It doesn't matter, the answer is yes. Though I didn't exactly eat a live one, it was more like a large bite out of one."
     "You are disgusting!" Rikku shouted. "I should go vegetarian just for hearing that!"
     "Why the hell would you go vegetarian for my taking a bite out of a chocobo?" Amarant asked, just before realizing he was engaging in a conversation he didn't care about at all. "That really doesn't make sense."
     "Because it's gross. Icky icky! And maybe if a hot babe like myself stops eating chocobos -and by that I mean never ever starts- then the rest of the world will stop!"
     "I'm glad I'm not from your world," Amarant said. He ended his end of the conversation by stopping right then and laying on the ground for a short nap.
     "They're high in potassium," Shinra added.
     "You're so disgusting," Rikku said. She held her palm out to Shinra to shun him away, then walked away to watch Yuna digging on her chocobo.

     "Yes!" Yuna yelled as her chocobo spat a chocograph into her hand. It closed its eyes and smiled as widely as a bird could smile and made a sort of purring noise. Yuna pet the chocobo on the head. "Good boy! You're the best chocobo in the world!"
     Yuna steered her chocobo to the moogle to show him the chocograph. He nodded and handed her a clue. She immediately jumped off her chocobo and waved for Rikku to join her, which she did. Both looked over their shoulders suspiciously before opening the clue.
     "Find your next location using the chocograph," Yuna whispered.

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now travel to an unknown location marked on their chocograph. On the chocograph is a picture of a spot of grass near a cave of ice. Teams will travel on the same chocobo as provided for the roadblock and will search for the clue by having their chocobo dig up a treasure box, which will contain their next clue."

     "Sounds complicated," Rikku said.
     "Don't worry, I have a smart chocobo!" Yuna replied as she led Rikku to her chocobo. The chocobo helped Yuna onto its back, then Yuna reached down to take Rikku's hand and pull her on as well. The chocobo saw Yuna helping Rikku and helped by nudging Rikku up with its head.
     "He really is a nice chocobo," Rikku said.
     Kweh! The chocobo chirped gleefully as it leapt into the air and dove through the clouds.
     The chocobo landed on the water and began making long strides across the ocean while Yuna and Rikku quivered in fear.
     "It can't just do that!" Rikku yelled to Yuna as the wind rushed through their hair.
     "Where do you think this place is?" Yuna said, changing the subject.
     "Why would I know?" Rikku said. "Let's stop and ask for directions."
     "Umm, Rikku? We're in the middle of the ocean. You don't suppose this is an entirely water planet like some bad movie?" Yuna asked.
     "I sure hope not," Rikku responded. Rikku pointed into the distance. "Is that land?"
     "That way, chocobo!" Yuna said to her chocobo. It complied and ran full speed ahead at the patch of land.

     "DIG!" Lani shouted at her chocobo. "Moogle! It's not working!"
     "He doesn't care," Amarant yelled back, a bit angry from being woken prematurely. "Maybe if you'd stop kicking the bird he'd actually dig."
     Lani looked down at her legs, which were currently wrapped incredibly tightly around the chocobo's stomach. She relaxed her legs and her chocobo immediately began breathing deeply. "Oh, sooooorry," Lani said as she patted it politely on the head. She paused for a few seconds as her chocobo stared at her. "NOW DIG!"

     Rufus's chocobo pranced around and dug in random areas, despite Rufus's orders to dig in one area. He continued to try talking to the chocobo and point to different nearby locations, but the chocobo continued to run around aimlessly. KWEHHHH!!!!!
     "Is it another damn potion?" Rufus asked as he leaned on the bird.
     The chocobo dug furiously and soon spat a hunk of rock into Rufus's hand.
     "You finally found one?" Rufus said as he looked at the chocograph in his hand. "Good job. For this I'll make sure Captain Big-As-A-Planet doesn't eat you."
     Rufus rode his chocobo to the moogle and received his clue where Shinra joined him.
     "Good work, R-"
     "Shut up. Let's just go."
     "Wait," Shinra said. He pulled out a cigar and lit it, taking a couple puffs on it.
     "Congrats, can we go now?" Rufus asked.
     "Not yet. I got this map," Shinra held up a map, "and I learned a thing or two about this Air Garden place. Apparently we're floating around the world to different points. I learned from this moogle the continent containing the location in the chocograph, but he didn't know any more than that, but in exactly twenty minutes we'll be directly over that continent."
     "You really do your homework," Rufus said. "Is it something they teach you in business classes?"
     "Classes?" Shinra shook his head. "I was just bored because the chicken-man fell asleep."
     "Okay, we'll wait, but let's do something that throws those other two off so they don't copy us."
     "I'm way ahead of you as always," Shinra said as he tapped his cigar into the back end of the chocobo.
     KWEEEEAHHHH!!!!! The chocobo screamed before it flapped it's wings and ran around in circles.
     "That's your plan?" Rufus asked. "Make sure we're forced to walk all the way on foot?"
     "It'll calm down," Shinra explained. "In about fifteen minutes it'll be right as rain. Just make up something else to occupy about five minutes and we'll be fine and look like we didn't intend to do it."
     "Sure. This had better not get us a penalty."
     "Oh the bird is fine. He's just a little scared is all."
     "He's scared you might eat him. You're already trying to slow cook him."

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Currently in 1st>
     Yuna and Rikku rode into a nearby town where rain continued to fall nonstop. The town looked deserted at first glance and was fairly rundown with an overturned fruit-cart and cracked and broken buildings overlooking a cobblestone street.
     Yuna and Rikku got off their chocobo and put their backpacks over their heads to shelter themselves from the rain. They ran down the street until they found cover from the rain under a balcony. Yuna pulled out her chocograph and looked at it as if looking would help.
     "Can I help you?" came a friendly voice from underneath the nearby fruit-cart.
     "We need help finding a location," Rikku responded while taking a defensive position just in case.
     Slowly, a man emerged from underneath the cart, but when he came into view it was apparent that this man was no man at all, but instead a giant rat. He was still humanoid in terms of limbs, height, and ability to walk upright, but he was indeed a large blue rat. He wore a knight's armor and carried a sword from his hip.
     "Oh, a chocograph?" the rat-man said. "Let me see."
     Yuna's hands shook, but she handed the chocograph to the man. He reached out his hairy rat hand and grabbed the chocograph.
     "Ah ha! I know his place," he said after only looking for a short while.
     "Where is it?" Rikku asked. "Is it far?"
     "I've never been there, but in the background is the ice cavern. I've heard about it before. It's by Dali."
     "Thank you, sir!" Yuna said. She started to walk away, but Rikku grabbed her by the arm.
     "Shouldn't we take him with us?" Rikku asked quietly. "A local would be great help."
     "But he's a rat. What if he has rabies?"
     "Good point," Rikku said. She thought for a moment. "I've got it! We'll put him at the front of the chocobo so he can't bite or scratch us and turn us into zombies!"
     "I don't have rabies," the rat-man said.
     "Of course not," Yuna said to the rat-man, then she turned her back to the rat-man and pulled Rikku close. "I told you you talk loud!" she said quietly.
     "Yeah yeah," Rikku said. She and Yuna turned back to the rat-man. "Would you like to accompany us to this location? At the very least it's probably not raining there."
     He thought for a minute. "Let's see. Stay here and sleep under a cold, wet cart that smells like moldy cheese, or accompany two human women on a chocobo. I'll come, sure."
     "Thanks!" Yuna and Rikku both yelled as they helped the rat-man onto their chocobo then slid on behind him.
     "Forward!" Rikku commanded the chocobo.
     "Actually left," the rat-man said.
     "Of course," Rikku said. "Left, chocobo!"

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Currently in 2nd>
     "We need to go now," Shinra told Rufus.
     "You need to stop scaring the chocobo then," Rufus said. He waved for the chocobo to come closer but it was still keeping its distance. "Tell you what, chocobo. If you let us ride you, I'll give you a free shot to peck at his fat head."
     Kweh! the chocobo cried happily. Then, before Shinra could protest, the chocobo ran behind him and pecked him solidly in the top of the head.
     "OUCH!" Shinra yelled, rubbing the top of his head then checking his hand for blood.
     "You're fine," Rufus said. "Now let's go."
     Rufus hopped on the chocobo, which had bent down to let he and Shinra on. Finally Shinra got on and the chocobo stood up and leapt into the clouds. They landed on a patch of land a lot more softly than they expected. Rufus pointed ahead and the chocobo ran toward the center of the continent.
     "What's the plan?" Shinra asked Rufus as he pulled some headache medicine out of his bag.
     "Heading toward the center until we find a town to ask about the location."
     "Good, you've actually planned something. I think I'll sleep for now then." Second later, Shinra fell forward into Rufus and began to sleep on his back.
     "Chocobo, you didn't kill him, did you?" Rufus asked. The chocobo smiled. "I don't know how you damn things smile like that. It's creepy. I'd better not be dragging his fatass around for the rest of this race."