Episode 11: Part 1

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins>
     "We came to win for all of Spira," Yuna said.
     "Also for the super cash prize," Rikku added.
     "I had no idea we'd make it this far, but now that we're here, I'm confident we'll win."
     "It's female intuition. Women like, predict the future. And since there's two of us, that means we'll predict the super future. And the future has our names in the stars."

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers>
     "We can't lose," Amarant said.
     "It's seriously an impossibility," Lani concurred. "Have you seen our competition? I mean, come on. Unless they team up to beat us, they'll never win, and teaming up at this point is just stupid."
     "They can team up if they want, we'll still destroy them."
     "Yeah, watch out, guys and girls. Just move aside and nobody gets hurt."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son>
     "I can win this race with my hands tied behind my back," Rufus said. "And they basically are since I've been dragging this fatass along the entire time."
     "I love Runts," Shinra said, popping colorful candy into his mouth.
     "I think I'd already have the victory if not for him. Shin-Ra has destroyed every rival company in its path, and now the Shinra family is going to destroy every rival team in its path."
     "Good speech, Rattata."

<Announcer Gippal>
     Gippal walked along a long pier. A city contained in high walls stood behind him and two longboats on either side of him. "Previously, on The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Eleven teams set off from Djose Temple in the beautiful world of Spira. Teams were composed of two people, each with an existing relationship.... Except for one team. Teams faced hardships, dangers, and horrible horrible luck. Along the way, eight teams fell by the wayside.
     "Jenova and Sephiroth -- Tifa and Paine -- Squall and Rinoa -- Strago and Relm -- Edgar and Sabin -- Raijin and Fujin -- Auron and Jecht -- Steiner and Beatrix, you've both been eliminated from the race.
     "Cousins Yuna and Rikku began the race looking like nothing more than a quick elimination, but through strong determination and a strong alliance, they were the first to make the final three and contract the assistance of Paine and Squall.
     "Coworkers Amarant and Lani argued throughout the duration of the race, but held strong when elimination reared its ugly head. As two strong individuals and through the aid of a lucky non-elimination round, they were the second to make the final three and contract the assistance of Jecht and Rinoa.
     "Father and son team Shinra and Rufus had their differences, but put them aside and let their strengths out-weigh their weaknesses, and thus securing them the third spot in the final three, with Edgar and Relm to assist them.
     "Will the addition of former friend and coworker, Dr. P, help Yuna and Rikku retain their lead until the finishline? Will Rufus's early hatred for the Figaro brothers keep the Shinras from the victory? Will the addition of Jecht onto Amarant and Lani's team lead to mass genocide? Tonight, one of these three teams will win one-million gil and the winning title of The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Yuna and Rikku, who were the first to arrive at 5:55 pm, will depart at 5:55 am."

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants, 1st to depart: 5:55 am>
     Rikku ripped open the clue as Yuna stood over a shoulder and read along with her. Paine stood over the opposite shoulder and did the same. Squall stood off to the side with only his arm contained in the camera's view of the group.
     "Make your way to the Lindblum Castle district," Rikku read.

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now travel into the city and take the air cab to the Castle. If teams can find another route to the top they are welcome to use it, but the air cab is the most standard transportation in the city."

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants, Currently in 1st>
     "This is exciting," Yuna said. "Isn't this exciting? Seems exciting."
     "For you," Paine responded. "Squall and I aren't in it for nearly as much cash."
     "It's cool otherwise too, isn't it?" Yuna asked.
     "Not really," Paine responded.
     "Not at all," Squall said. "Why was I eliminated again?"
     "Let's go!" Rikku said as she struck a pose. "YRPS for the win!"
     Yuna and Paine joined in the posing, but Squall had already started running toward Lindblum. The three girls stopped posing and sighed.
     "We'll get him to pose yet," Rikku said.
     The trio ran after Squall and joined him in running to the city. They entered the Business district and immediately followed signs leading to the air cab. They finally found the building, only to be met by closed wooden gates and a sign reading "Hours of Operation: 7am to 7pm."
     "That seems very inconvenient if this is their only method of travel between districts," Yuna said.
     "Yunie? Your head okay?" Rikku asked. "I didn't know we knew words over two syl- umm, cymbals."
     "Syllables," Paine corrected.
     "Those too," Rikku said as she sat on the ground. "Stupid inconvenience!"

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants, 2nd to depart: 6:12 am>
     Lani ripped open the clue, but instead of reading it, she lowered the clue and looked at her teammates. "Okay boys and girl-thing, we need to win this," she said. "No more being wimps, and no more being gay. This means you, Flamer."
     "This isn't winning," Amarant said.
     "I know I know I know!" Lani yelled. "Now everybody put your hands -err, wings or whatever chickens have... Just put your damn claws into the center because it's cheer time!"
     Rinoa smiled and stuck her hand into the center of the four people, but no other hands went in. Jecht and Amarant both had their arms crossed across their chests and refused to uncross them.
     "Grr, fine!" Lani yelled, thrusting her hand on top of Rinoa's. "Ovary power! Let's race!"
     "Victory!" Rinoa shouted. "I'm totally going to beat Squall and show him who wears the pants in our relationship!"
     "There's another team to beat too," Amarant said.
     "Just shut up all of you!" Lani yelled. She pulled out the clue and read it. "Make your way to Lindblum Castle district. Okay bitches and Rin-something-"
     "Oh-uh," Rinoa said.
     "Right. Rinoa. Bitches and Rinoa. Let's rock this sucker like peanut butter!"

 <Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Edgar and Relm: Assistants, Last to depart: 6:47 am>
     Rufus ripped open the clue and read it to his teammates.
     "Sounds exciting," Relm said in a bit of a daze. "Let's go, Rufio."
     "Rufio, that's a good one," Shinra said. "Let's go. Air cab's don't wait for anybody. Even though they should. If this were my town, they'd all wait for me. And I'd replace them with trains."
     "You like trains too?" Edgar asked. "I love 'em. I was going to have one put onto my castle, but for some reason, Sabin has been deathly afraid of trains as of late."
     "Will you all shut up and get going!?" Rufus shouted at the group.
     "Yeah, listen to the sexy man!" Relm agreed.
     Edgar and Shinra shrugged at each other and began jogging after Rufus and Relm.

     "What should we do?" Lani asked Jecht as the eight at the gates to the air cab waited impatiently for the cab service to open its doors.
     "Whaddaya mean, 'what should we do?'" Jecht asked her.
     "Well, you're Mr. Dirty Tricks. It's why we hired you. So what can we do to win now?"
     "You want me to help you cheat or something?" Jecht asked. "Should I go tie the other teams to a tree or something?"
     "Can you do that?" Lani asked. There was a brief silence. "No no no, you can't do that. I mean doing something like, to help us get there before this thing opens."
     "You hired me wrongly then. These doors open in like, two minutes. Finding another route is out of the question. I'll help you with the dirtier tactics later in the race though, trust me. I had a bunch stored up that either never got done or Auron was too noble to actually go through with."
     "What a lamer," Lani said. "He reminds me of Flamer. He won't do anything fun. Like our plan to kill all the other teams."
     "That's not a plan," Amarant said. "It's more like what happens when every stupid thought in your head gets together, then accidentally leaks out of your mouth in a barely comprehensible sentence."
     "Kinda like what happened when yo momma gave birth to you. All the gay genes in her got together and attached themselves to a chicken she was digesting."

     The doors to the air cab station rose up. Yuna's team was first to run inside, followed by Lani's team.
     "Hurry!" Rufus shouted as he watched the other two teams run inside in the distance. Everybody on his team broke into a near sprint and rushed into the air cab station. The other two teams had all gotten on the cab as the four entered the station and watched as the air cab departed for the Castle district.
     Rufus skidded to a stop and glared at Shinra and Edgar. Relm saw him glare and also glared at the two.

     "Yes!" Lani shouted as she stood beside the air cab's conductor. She kissed him on the cheek. "There you are. As promised. One kiss for one speedy departure." She walked out of the conductor's booth into the first section of the cab. It was only two sections that only contained plastic chairs attached to either side of the cab, windows lining the sides, and bars to hold for people in the middle. A standard subway-style device. Amarant was leaning against the wall beside the door. Lani had passed him when she first entered, then she looked back at him. He was silent, but unfolded his arms and lowered one hand with his palm facing up. Lani looked at him curiously, then smiled and slapped his hand. "One team down!"
     "They're not too far behind," Amarant said. "They could still catch up."
     "Still, an early lead is nice," Lani said. "Any other plans, Rinoa?"
     "Let's just see what happens," Rinoa said. "Remember, we still have to beat Squally's team."
     "I really wish I'd learned anybody else's names," Lani mumbled.

     Yuna was leaning against a window with her elbows pressing against the steel rim.
     "They didn't make it," Rikku said to Yuna. "You okay?"
     "They'll catch up," Yuna said. "I have this funny feeling that they'll be just fine."
     "That's good," Rikku said.
     "Not really. They're our competition. We need to beat them to win this."
     "So you're ready to win this?" Rikku asked.
     "You bet!"

     The air cab pulled into the station at the Castle district and the two teams raced out to a clue box not far from the station's exit. Rikku was the first to reach the clue.
     She ripped the clue open and read it to her team. "Pilot an airship to Alexandria."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now go to the airship port in the Castle district and find one of three designated airships in the port. The teams must then pilot the ship with an instructor to the empire of Alexandria. On the ship there will be four main jobs: one driver, one navigator, and two people shoveling coal. Teams can choose how they want to designate these jobs among their teammates, but one of the two on the actual team must pilot the ship."

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants, Currently tied for 1st>
     "I'll pilot," Rikku said.
     "We'll shovel," Paine said with a gesture to Squall.
     "Good idea!" Yuna said. "You two are very strong. So I guess that leaves me with n-" Yuna paused and breathed deeply. "O-oh. Navigator. Uh oh."
     "We can do it, Yunie," Rikku said. "Let's go get onboard!"

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants, Currently tied for 1st>
     "I'll drive," Amarant said. "You have no sense of direction."
     "You just want me to get covered in soot," Lani said. "You like 'em dirty."
     "That'd make me not-gay."
     "....Nuh uh! You just think that if I'm covered in soot I'd look like a man! A-and umm-"
     "This is unproductive," Jecht said. "I'm gonna find our airship."
     "Me too," Rinoa said. "Also: I'm navigator! I'm great at navigating."
     "Good. I knew that other team screwed up by giving you to us," Lani said. "Let's get to that airship!"

     Yuna and Rikku boarded the first of three identical airships. It was a large wooden ship with a cabin in the center and a hatch in the front leading to the inner workings of the ship, which included a coal-powered engine. Inside the cabin was a large wooden vertical wheel with pegs along the outer edge. It was obviously the ship's steering wheel. Beside it was a low-tech control panel with a map folded on top of it.
     Yuna and Rikku walked into the cabin, where an instructor waited for them behind the wheel. Squall and Paine ducked into the hatch in the front and headed down to the coal shoveling area.

     Amarant and Rinoa boarded the second ship and entered the cabin while Lani and Jecht headed down into the ship's core. Amarant immediately grabbed the wheel as Rinoa unfolded the map.
     "You'll want to first head to the South Gate," the instructor said. "That's where all ships bound for Alexandria enter."
     "Take a left then," Rinoa told Amarant as she stared down at her map. "Once you're around the cliffside, take a right and we'll head to South Gate."
     Amarant nodded.

     "South Gate is umm... here!" Yuna said, pointing happily at the map. "Go here, Rikku!"
     "You need to tell me where to turn, Yunie," Rikku said.
     "Well according to this, that means you should go umm.... straight!"
     "Okay!" Rikku said. She held the wheel steady and watched Amarant's ship go left. "Heh, sucker. Going the wrong way."
     Rikku's ship flew forward at a decent pace and exited Lindblum through a different exit as Amarant's ship. It flew forward over a large plain and over a small river before coming face to face with a tall mountainside.
     "Umm, Yunie?" Rikku said as she spun the ship's wheel. "I think you lead us astray! We're gonna die!"
     "Oh, sorry! Those markings must mean mountains! Well, I know that now I guess. You should've gone umm... left. Like Amarant did."
     "Great..." Rikku mumbled.

     Rufus and Edgar were the first to exit the air cab with Edgar grabbing the clue and tossing it to Rufus.
     "Airships, eh?" Rufus said. "I watched the pilot on the Highwind a lot while we were in possession of that ship. I'll pilot it."
     "Navigator!" Relm shouted.
     "Sorry, girl," Rufus said. "I actually need my fatter- err, father to navigate. It's the only damn thing he's good at."
     "Aww drat," Relm said. "At least I get to do hard child labor. That's a close second to sexy navigating."
     The four ran to the airship junction and boarded the remaining ship. Edgar ran to the hatch in front and crawled down the ladder while Relm stomped her feet loudly and mumbled to herself as she slowly sulked to the hatch. Once close enough, Edgar reached up and pulled her down with him.
     Rufus and Shinra entered the cabin, where Rufus quickly grabbed the wheel, then released it to scratch his head.
     "The hell?" Rufus said. "This isn't like the Highwind at all."
     "Head to South Gate, where all the airships head to get to Alexandria," the instructor said.
     "All?" Shinra asked. "Does that mean traffic?"
     "A bit, yeah," the instructor said. "Usually some hotheads decide to fly lower or higher than the normal traffic just to go a bit faster and end up making the whole Gate a congested mess, but it's still the best way."
     "What about this North Gate?" Shinra asked, pointing to a location on the map. "Can airships go through there?"
     "It's pretty rundown, so not usually, no. It's legal, but it involves flying through the Cleyra area, and their massive sandstorm tends to make navigation a pain. Typically it's just faster to wait in traffic."
     "Typically," Rufus muttered to himself. "Should we take a risk?"
     Shinra thought for a minute. "I think it's about the only advantage we have is taking risks. Let's go, Rutabaga. Left out of here, then a right around the cliffs, but not all the way around. We're headed north."
     "Right," Rufus said. He spun the wheel hard to the left.

     Lani pounded on the ceiling above her with her shovel. Soot rained down from the shovel head and fell on her face. She coughed a couple times, then yelled up to the ceiling. "Flamer! What the turd are you doing!? We've stopped moving!"
     "Traffic," came Amarant's muffled response from the ceiling.
     "Cut 'em off!" Lani screamed. "You know how to throw stuff! Chuck stuff at their balloons and pop 'em! Just DO something!"
     "Instructor won't let me," Amarant said. "He won't teach me how to change elevations."
     "Did you offer him hot chicken sex? He might like that."
     "You want him so badly," Jecht said to Lani as he sat on the floor.
     "You just keep shoveling," Lani ordered him.
     "We're not moving, sister. Save your strength."
     "You don't think I have a shot with the Flamer, do you?"
     "No, I really don't," Jecht said.
     "Well.... Good!" Lani responded. "Besides, he's gay. But why do you think I don't have a chance with him?"
     "You're very attractive-"
     "Duh," Lani interrupted.
     "But you're too aware of it. He's a stubborn tough guy. He's not going to want a more stubborn tough girl."
     "Oh what do you know!? Besides, I'm totally not hot for him. I'd rather shove my face into a pack of angry mus."
     "There might be one way you'd have a shot with him," Jecht said.
     "How?" Lani asked. "I mean, not that I want to, but so I know what not to do."
     "Win this race."
     "Psh, that should be easy," Lani said. "Have you seen my competition?"
     "I was your competition, girl," Jecht said. "You got so lucky that I got tangled up with Fujin. Both my team and hers could've taken yours no problem."
     "Just shovel coal!" Lani ordered.

     "We caught up!" Rikku shouted as she pointed at Amarant's ship, which was only two ships ahead of theirs in the queue for the South Gate.
     "Still no sign of the Shinras," Yuna said, looking through the ships lining up behind hers.
     "Wonder what happened to them. Hope they didn't try something drastic instead of waiting for the stupid air cab. But whatever, they're our competition. As long as they're not killing themselves doing something stupid, it'll be fine and we'll see them from the finish line."

     "This was stupid," Rufus said, looking at the giant pillar of spinning sand around Cleyra. "We're gonna kill ourselves doing this."
     "Just don't fly too close," Shinra said.
     "There's no choice, fatty. Look. The air around this whole area is a giant tornado. We're gonna crash into the city hidden in the center, I know it."
     "You're not talking like a leader of Shin-Ra," Shinra said.
     Rufus was quiet for a moment as he recomposed himself. He stomped on the floorboards beneath him. "Edgar! Relm! I need more power in the left side. Double the coal input into the left, but don't slack on the right. We've gotta pound through this thing."
     "Yes sir Mr. Sexy!" Relm shouted back.
     "We're all over this," Edgar shouted.
     Rufus held the ship's wheel strong as he flew almost directly at Cleyra. He was completely concentrated on the task at hand, but by his facial expression it was nearly impossible to tell. His posture was completely calm and composed aside from the beads of sweat erupting from his forehead. The ship came dangerously close to Cleyra, to the point where the instructor began to freak out and dive for the wheel, but Shinra held him back. At the last second, Rufus stomped his foot on the ground and shouted "All in the left!" And spun the wheel hard to the right. The ship took a hard spin right and after a slight tugging by the wind, the ship shot out of the center of the tornado-like barrier without ever touching the sand surrounding it. The ship pointed directly at the rundown North Gate, which had only one other small ship flying through it.
     "Distribution to normal," Rufus said calmly below him.
     "What?" Relm shouted back.
     "Distribution normal!" Rufus yelled.
     "Ohhh, okay. Speak up, hot-stuff! You may be Mr. Suave up there, but we can't see your sexiness from down here."

     "Finally out of that damn gate!" Rikku said. "Took friggin forever, huh Yunie?"
     Yuna nodded. "It shouldn't be long now though. The castle is just a little bit further. I hope Lani's team isn't already there."
     "I sure hope not."

     The first ship landed by Alexandria, just outside the large castle. The castle was much more modest than Lindblum. It was a standard castle with a couple of towers and a moat, though the moat was more for image, not defense. In front of the castle was a large lake, which separated the castle from the village. By the waterside stood the next clue box.
     Rufus and Shinra were first to hop off the ship, with Relm and Edgar sprinting to catch up. Rufus reached the clue box and handed the clue to Shinra.
     "I'm just making sure you're capable of reading," Rufus said.
     Shinra ripped open the clue and read it. "Detour: Fight or Knight."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. In Fight, teams must find the theatership parked in the heart of the castle where a group of drama thieves commonly put on plays while secretly robbing the hell out of people. Once there, the teams will have access to pyrotechnics and fake swords, which they will use to stage a fight amongst themselves. If they can entertain a bunch of stuck-up locals and score high enough, they will receive their next clue. The task is simple, but the judges are very strict and will not tolerate minor screw ups. In Knight, teams must search the castle of Alexandria and find the eight Knights of Pluto, formerly serving under our own Captain Adelbert Steiner. Once they receive the eight signatures from the knights, they will receive their next clue. The task requires nothing more than a good memory and good observation, but the knights are easily distracted, so finding them could take a long time."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Edgar and Relm: Assistants, Currently in 1st>
     "Let's act," Rufus said to Shinra. "We'll totally put on a play about an evil father, you, his guardian, Edgar, and their ninja daughter, Relm. I'll fight you all, you'll all die, and we'll call it a day."
     "I'm for it, Roofie," Relm said.
     "Sounds good, but what's my motivation?" Shinra asked.
     "You're starved for attention and turkey. Your son is stealing all the attention and hiding all the turkeys."
     "He must die," Shinra said.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants, Currently in 2nd>
     Lani and Amarant parked beside Rufus's airship and leapt out of their ship, accompanied by Jecht and Rinoa. Amarant reached the clue first and ripped his giant hands into the clue.
     "Detour: Fight or Knight."
     "Let's just find those bastards," Lani said. "It says they're all in this castle, and if I remember those Knights of Pluto, they're lazy as hell, so they won't move. We can finish this with no problems."
     "There's one now I think!" Rinoa shouted, pointing at a knight in the distance.
     "I knew I loved you," Lani said to her. All four racers ran after the knight that was resting on the front steps of the castle with a book under his arm.
     "Knight of Pluto?" Amarant asked. Without waiting for a reply, he handed the sheet for the signatures to him.
     The knight took it and signed his name. "Yes, I am Laudo of the Knights of Pluto. One day they'll fire me for sitting here, not guarding our precious castle, but for now, I-"
     "Shut up and sign!" Lani ordered.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants, Currently in last>
     Yuna's team reached the clue box as Rikku reached in and pulled the clue out. "Detour: Fight or Knight."
     "We're bad with navigation, so finding knights could be tough, but I don't think Squall is much of an actor."
     "..." Squall responded.
     "I guess we'll do Knight?" Yuna asked.
     "I guess so," Rikku said nervously. "Paine, help us out."
     "No problem," Paine mumbled. "Just follow me."
     Paine ran toward the castle with the others running after her.