Episode 11: Part 2

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Edgar and Relm: Assistants>
     "You will control this land no longer!" Rufus shouted at Shinra as he ripped a sword from the sheath hanging at his side and pointed it at Shinra's chest. "The people demand a tolerant ruler who understands the people. They are starving and you just keep eating!"
     "You cannot challenge me," Shinra said. "Striking out at your own father. Do you hate me so much?"
     "Indeed I do!" Rufus said.
     "It is always a father's dread to see his son perish before himself, but it will be my glory in seeing you fall before me! Guard!"
     A flash of light appeared between Rufus and Shinra, then a cloud of smoke appeared. Rufus struck out at Shinra with an overhead slash, but a loud clang rang through the audience. The smoke cleared and revealed Edgar, who blocked the attack. He stood underneath his sword, holding the sword with two hands and straining under the immense power of Rufus's attack.
     The audience watched the three onstage and all gasped at the entry of Edgar. Some applauded while others simply watched and waved their fans at their faces.
     "I expected your lackeys a bit earlier," Rufus said. "I am disappointed."
     "Let me relieve you of that disappointment," Edgar said. "And while I'm at it, let me end your pitiful existance. En garde!"

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants>
     "What kind of name is Breireicht anyway?" Lani asked. "This detour is dumb. We've only found like two, and it's been what? Fifteen minutes?"
     "Just stop complaining and look," Amarant said as he walked around the corner and looked in the kitchen. There were several chefs, but no knights.
     "They aren't just going to come to us you know," Amarant mumbled.
     "Feel my fury!!"
     A knight ran into the room with his sword drawn and rage in his eyes. Jecht stuck his leg out and tripped the knight. He stood up and faced a piece of paper that was being held by Lani. "Sign," she ordered.
     "Sorry for the outburst," he said as he signed the paper. "Haagan at your service. I thought somebody was in trouble is all. I'm highly against trouble happening."
     "Miss Lani?" Rinoa asked quietly. "I think I have a plan."
     "So do it!" Lani said.
     "But I think it might be a little mean and-"
     "DO IT!"
     Rinoa nodded. She took a deep breath, then suddenly screamed "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!"
     Her teammates and Haagan covered their ears.
     "You cheating bitch!" Lani screamed at her. She ran to Rinoa and hugged her tightly. "I love you!"
     Within a few seconds, a second knight ran in the room with sword drawn. "A woman in trouble!?" the knight yelled.
     "False alarm, Weimar," Haagan said. "Better sign their stupid paper though."
     "This isn't a false alarm at all!" Weimar said. He sheathed his sword and ran to Rinoa. He took her hand and kissed it. Might you be the damsel looking to be de-stressed?"
     "Pardon?" Rinoa asked.
     "Sex."
     "Oh, not now thank you. But could you sign our paper?"
     "Anything for a lady," Weimar said, taking the paper and putting his name down beneath Haagan's.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants>
     "A cry for help!?" Breireicht said.
     "Don't go," Rikku said. She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to the paper he was signing.
     "That's Rinoa," Squall said.
     "That's dirty trickery," Rikku said.
     "It's good strategy," Paine said.
     "So who have you found so far?" Breireicht asked.
     "Laudo and Dojebon," Yuna read from the list, pronouncing both names poorly.
     "Ah. Laudo was at the gates trying to get fired again, right? And Dojebon was likely admiring the statue in the lake."
     "Yes, that's right," Rikku said. "Well, thanks for your help! Bye!"
     "Wait, I think I have an idea," Yuna said. "Sir, could you possibly tell us the locations of the other knights?"
     "Genius!" Rikku said. "Good thing you're on my team!"
     "I can give you most of them anyway," Breireicht said. "I can never tell where Haagan is. His fury takes him everywhere."
     "Well we'll find his furiousness," Rikku said. "Right, Yunie?"
     "Right!" Yuna agreed. "SYRP ready for anything!"
     The three girls surrounded Squall and posed, though instead of their typical poses, they expanded off of Squall's position with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Yuna rolled her eyes, Rikku shrugged, and Paine put her palm to her forehead.
     "Syrup?" Squall asked.
     "It was code for 'do whatever Squall is doing'," Rikku explained.
     "..." Squall said.

     "No, please! Don't die!" Rufus shouted to Relm, who was limp in his arms. "I- I don't know why you did such a thing. Tell me! Why would you do something like that for him!?"
     "He is our... father," Relm said. She closed her eyes and fell to the floor.
     "Noooooooooooo!" Rufus cried out as the curtain fell on the stage.
     From a backroom came a large man with a large purple beard and rabbit-like face. He held out the next clue to Rufus, but then retracted it. "Mind if I ask what you call that play?"
     "I call it 'Rufus'," Rufus said.
     "Stupid name, but whatever, here's your clue," the man said as he handed the clue to Rufus.
     Rufus ripped the clue open. "Find Ipsen's Castle and navigate it to find the location of your next destination."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now travel to Ipsen's Castle on the opposite side of the world. The distance is far, but the ships are fast and there's no traffic, so with the proper navigation, teams could reach the location quickly. Once there, teams must find their way through the castle, which contains a series of puzzles to reach the end. At the end will be a clue box and a map giving them their next destination."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Edgar and Relm: Assistants: Currently in 1st>
     "Okay, same places on the ship then," Rufus ordered. The group ran back to their ship to find two identical ships parked beside it.
     "Oh Em Gee, we're in first!" Relm said. "I knew I could do it. That old fuddy duddy was just holding me back! I'm so awesome and Rufus is so hot sex."
     "So strange," Edgar said to himself as he passed Relm and boarded the ship.
     "A gentleman would've helped me onboard!" Relm yelled to Edgar. She was suddenly lifted into the air and placed on the airship by Shinra.
     "There you go little girl," Shinra said.
     "Gee, thanks," Relm said.
     With all four onboard, the ship lifted off and headed to the northwest.
     "We really might take this," Rufus said, just as the engine briefly sputtered. It regained control within a couple seconds. "Well, we might as long as nothing goes wrong down there!" Rufus said loudly while stomping his foot.
     "I'm on it," Edgar yelled back. "Don't worry, I'm good with machines."
     "And he totally has a plumber's crack while fixing machines!" Relm yelled.
     "I do not!"
     "Do so!"
     "I'm wearing a cape! You couldn't tell even if I did!"
     "Can so, there's a crease in the cape where your buttcrack goes and just slightly above the pants line!"
     "I'm glad this isn't awkward," Rufus said to Shinra.
     "Just fly," Shinra said. Rufus complied and continued to the northwest. "No no no," Shinra said quickly. "Go east. Unless this world isn't a sphere, this'll get us there much faster."
     "Okay," Rufus said, spinning the airship around and heading east-by-northeast.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants>
     "Where the hell is he?" Lani asked.
     "Just keep looking," Amarant said. He leaned against the castle wall to catch his breath as Rinoa and Jecht slowly followed them out the main castle's entrance.
     "Should I yell for help again?" Rinoa asked.
     "He didn't come last time," Lani said.
     "Maybe those two towers count as the castle," Jecht pointed out.
     "Geh, fine. Let's try it," Lani said, leading the party to the right tower. Inside were a couple doors, one of which contained a long spiral staircase.
     "Let's try the other door," Rinoa suggested.
     "I'm all for that," Jecht said, looking at the extreme heights of the staircase.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants>
     "Feel my fury!" Haagan screamed as he rounded the corner. Squall saw him out of the corner of his eye and quickly pounced on him.
     "Yay for Mr. Squallhart!" Yuna said. She handed the fallen Haagan a sheet of paper. "Sign, please."
     Haagan scribbled his name down, then reached into his armor and pulled out a clue. "Congratulations on finding all the Knights of Pluto: Defenders of Alexandria. Good luck with your race."
     "Thank you," Yuna said. She ripped open the clue and read it to her teammates. "Fly to Ipsen Castle. This means more navigating, doesn't it?"
     "You can do it!" Rikku cheered her on. "Just tell me what direction to go and I'll go it."
     "What direction is this?" Yuna posed, standing tall and facing Paine, Squall, and Rikku with her arms at her sides. She lifted her right arm up and pointed into the sky at a 45 degree angle.
     "Northwest," Paine said.
     "No, I like the illustrated version better," Rikku said. "So I fly the ship like, up and that way and I'll be there. Got it."
     "So they're important in your world?" Squall said quietly to Paine.
     Paine shrugged. "I don't get it either."
     The four boarded their ship and flew to the northwest toward Ipsen's Castle.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants: Currently in last>
     "Please tell me I can push him down the stairs after he signs this," Lani said.
     "I don't want a penalty in the finale," Amarant said.
     The foursome ran quickly up the stairs after Breireicht, who was slowly climbing the stairs upward.
     "I'm blaming you for this, Rinoa," Lani said. "You're back on thin ice."
     "Back?" Rinoa asked.
     "You started on thin ice. Then you made your way to thick ice, and now you're back to thin. Thinner than before."
     "Got the clue," Amarant said, waving the clue at Lani and Rinoa. "Can we go please?"
     "Fine! Geez, always getting so mad at me for nothing," Lani said to Amarant. "Always cluck-cluck cluck-cluck-cluck."
     "Just hurry. I know the way to Ipsen's Castle, which is where we're going. I once raced Zidane and his entire group through this place, so I know the layout inside fairly well. Just keep up."
     "Excellent!" Lani said. "I knew I loved you."
     "What?" Amarant asked.
     "I said 'I knew I looooned you' meaning like, the money I loaned you when we were going toward Conde Petite that once."
     "Nice save," Jecht said.
     "You be quiet!" Lani yelled.

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Edgar and Relm: Assistants: Currently in 1st>
     The Shinras exited their ship and admired the castle for a moment. It was a lone castle in a grassy field, surrounded by tall cliffs. The castle was fairly typical looking except that it stood on top of an exact replica of itself, which was upsidedown like the castle's reflection. A long staircase led up to the top castle's entrance.
     "Strange design," Rufus said.
     "Reeve once proposed a design like this," Shinra said. "I really started enjoying shooting his ideas down."
     "I had the same enjoyment in that," Rufus said.
     "Ready, Robert?" Shinra asked.
     "Ready, mom," Rufus said with a chuckle.
     "You two are straaaaange," Relm said. She and Edgar led the way into the castle.
     Inside the castle there were many pillars and a pole in the center with a red and yellow arrow pointing down the pole.
     "Here we go," Rufus said. He slid down the pole humming the Batman theme song.

<Rikku & Yuna: Cousins, Paine and Squall: Assistants: Currently in 2nd>
     "Is that it!?" Yuna screamed happily. "I think we found it!"
     "Good navigator-ing, Yunie!" Rikku said. She parked the airship beside the Shinras' and the four exited the ship and quickly entered the castle.
     "That was the Shinras' airship," Yuna pointed out. She walked along the corridor beside Rikku, with Paine and Squall not far behind.
     "They made a comeback," Rikku said. "This way." Rikku ran to the pole and slid down it.

     "We're stuck," Rufus said. He stared at a wall barring their path. He poked at it, but it didn't react. He kicked at it, but it still stayed strong. Shinra came to join him in prodding the door.
     "I think it's this way," Edgar said, pointing into a small room. "It's rigged up like some kind of elevator."
     "We were just going to do that," Rufus said.
     "Just trying to throw off other teams," Shinra said. They all ran into the elevator and emerged in a room with a map of the world on it and a red and yellow mirror hanging on the world map at a location called 'Shimmering Island.' Beside the map was a message. It read 'Defeat the spider for your next clue.'
     "Defeat what?" Rufus asked.
     Suddenly a large red spider fell down from the ceiling and fired a blizzaga attack that landed by Edgar's feet, barely missing him.
     "Oh praise the lord, I've been wanting a fight so badly," Rufus said. He pulled his sawed-off shotgun out of his jacket and cocked it.
     "As have I," Shinra said. He flicked his wrist and a small pistol shot out of his jacket. He looked to Rufus and laughed. "I always have this on me. Sometimes meetings don't go as planned, you see."
     "I guess we all have our methods of negotiation," Edgar said. He pulled out a pike and a bag full of strange tools.
     "I'll sketch him so good," Relm said, pulling out a paintbrush. The Shinras both gave her a strange glance.
     "Don't worry, she'll help," Edgar assured them.
     The battle began with the spider leaping at Rufus and chopping several of his legs at him. Rufus dodged the attack and rolled to the side. He fired up twice at the spider and missed both times, but spent no time in reloading for a second shot. The spider took the opportunity to continue attacking Rufus, who continued dodging and firing off blind shots to try to put the spider on the defense, but it only continued its assault.
     "Don't breathe," Edgar shouted. He donned a full hazmat suit and a tank on his back. He held a hose attached to the tank and pointed it at the spider. A green fume shot out of his hose and filled the room, then evaporated quickly.
     "No effect," Rufus said, pulling his face out of his undershirt. He started to run back to his group that he had been forced to separate from, when suddenly the spider started to ram full speed at Rufus. It approached him quickly, when suddenly a shot ran out and the spider curled into a ball on the ceiling in defense mode.
     Rufus looked at Shinra, who held a smoking gun aimed just over Rufus's shoulder. "Thanks, dad."
     Shinra nodded, then took a couple potshots at the spider, but nothing seemed to effect it.
     "I've got this," Relm said. She put on a fake mustache and smiled at Rufus, who only sighed. Relm twirled her brush in the air at the spider, which suddenly reached out all eight of its limbs, then struck itself in the head. The spider shrieked and dropped a clue, before rising high into the ceiling.
     "What the hell just happened?" Rufus asked.
     "I can control them with my mustache," Relm said, taking the mustache off. "Also it makes me look more grown up."
     "Sure does," Rufus said. He picked up the clue and tore it open. "Umm..." he looked the clue over for a minute. "Stop sign."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "A Stop Sign is a stopping point for an additional racer. Teams must choose between their two assistants and choose one to stay behind, while the other may continue aiding them."

     "We can't take long to decide," Shinra said.
     "Should be easy," Relm said.
     "It is," Rufus said. "Relm, we're Stopping you. Stay here. We need Edgar in case of things like mechanical failures."
     "Oh poo," Relm said. "Fine fine, I'll just sit here on my own with the giant spiders and scary dark corridors. Just a small girl, stuck in a new world by herself."
     "Right, thanks for understanding," Rufus said.
     "Thanks for the help," Shinra said.
     The three boys ran out the door and waited by the elevator, which opened and let the three girls and Squall out.
     "Oh, hiya boys!" Rikku said.
     "Hi ladies," Rufus said. "And Squall. Good luck and be careful."
     "We uhh, will," Rikku responded.
     "Bye," Yuna said with a wave, but the boys did not see as all three were already in the elevator with the door closing to their backs.
     "Guys?" Paine said, reading the clue on the wall. "Incoming enemy. Get ready."
     The spider returned again to the room, where now Relm watched from the corner and cheered the spider on.
     "Ready, Yunie?" Rikku said, twirling her two daggers around in her hands.
     "I'm ready," Yuna said. She pulled two handguns out and twirled them similar to Rikku's knives. "Ready, Paine?"
     "Always," Paine said. She pulled her sword out and slashed it in front of her while assuming a defensive stance. "Squall? You good at fighting?"
     "Or anything?" Rikku joked to Yuna. Yuna hushed her.
     "I can hold my own," Squall said, pulling out his gunblade and resting it on his shoulder.

     Rufus's party ran out of Ipsen's Castle in time to see another airship landing beside theirs. They could already hear Lani cussing about two ships already being there. Rufus boarded the ship and helped Edgar and Shinra in before waving to Lani's team.
     "See you at the finish line," Rufus taunted.
     "I'll keep it warm for you!" Lani taunted back.
     Rufus's ship took off into the air and headed north by northeast.
     "Keep it warm?" Jecht asked Lani.
     "I got flustered, back off!" Lani responded. "You'd be flustered too if you were in last place with a bunch of idiots."

     "I can't get at him!" Rikku said, fending off two legs: one using the dagger in her left hand and the other using the dagger in her right.
     "I'm pinned down," Yuna said, shooting at the arms that attacked her. The arms scared easily and retracted with each shot, but it instantly resumed its assault.
     Squall and Paine fought side-by-side, fending off the remaining four legs.
     "Can you clear me a path?" Squall asked Paine.
     "I can try," Paine said as she took a strong swing at the two legs beside her. They were thrown off balance and took a second before coming at Paine, which Squall used as an opening.
     "Good enough," Squall said to himself as he swatted a leg away with his gunblade, then fired a shot at the other. The four legs all hesitated in their attack, then rushed at Squall, who was already underneath the spider. He slid on the ground and slashed at the underside of the spider, finally firing a shot straight into the spider's abdomen. The spider leapt into the air and dropped a clue on Squall, who was now partially covered in spider goo.
     "Holy Eff!" Rikku shouted. "So Squall isn't useless!"
     "Shhh!" Yuna said to Rikku.
     "..." Squall responded.
     Rikku picked up the clue and ripped it open. She let Yuna look at it with her and they both looked at their partners. "Stop sign," Rikku said. "Thank you so so so so so much, Squall, but we have to make you stop racing. We need Paine."
     "You should hurry then," Squall said to them.
     Yuna and Rikku nodded and raced to the elevator. Paine reached out and shook Squall's hand, then without a word, ran to the elevator with the other two.
     Squall held his hand out to Relm, who came out of the corner and ran to him.
     "Hellooooooo Mr. Sexy: Spider Slayer Extraordinaire," Relm said, taking his hand. "Take me away."

<Shinra & Rufus: Father/Son, Edgar: Assistant: Currently in 1st>
     "I think we're here," Shinra said. He ran to the edge of the ship and looked down into a small island with several shining lights below. "I'd call that Shimmering Island."
     "What now?" Rufus said.
     "Jump," the instructor instructed.
     "Hey, that guy is still here?" Rufus asked.
     "Yes, now get your partner and jump."
     Edgar ran to the top of the ship and joined the Shinras in nervously looking over the edge of the ship. All three merely stared down while the instructor took the wheel and circled.
     "You only live once," Edgar finally said as he climbed onto the edge of the ship."
     "Right, once," the Shinras responded as they slowly climbed up and joined him.
     "I can't do it," Rufus said.
     "Me neither," Edgar said.
     "Then I hope you two are strong enough to lift me," Shinra said.
     "Nobody is," Rufus said. "But wh-"
     Shinra suddenly grabbed Edgar and Rufus's shirts and leapt off the side of the ship, pulling Rufus and Edgar down with him. The three freefell into the shimmering lights until the light was so bright they could not keep their eyes open. When the wind stopped rushing beside them, the three opened their eyes and looked around. The trio was laying in a thick layer of snow in front of a strange temple. Behind them was a snow-covered, narrow path over a gorge. To their left was a blue and white orb floating above a small pedestal and with a ring circling the orb.
     "Where are we?" Rufus asked.
     "Macalania Temple in Spira," a voice behind them said. A man toting a large backpack approached them. He spoke with a thick Cockney accent. "O'aka the twenty-third, at your service." He reached into his backpack and pulled out a clue, which he handed to Shinra.
     Shinra ripped open the clue and read it to Rufus. "Obtain your next clue inside the Cloister of Trials in the Macalania Temple."

<Announcer Gippal>
     "Teams must now enter the temple and figure out a series of puzzles to obtain their next clue. They will find this clue by finding the destruction sphere inside the temple and putting it into the correct slot. This will unveil a treasure box containing their next clue."

     "Let's go, hurry!" Rufus yelled. The three ran to the temple, where a monk outside the temple halted them.
     "No entry," the monk said. "The temple is off limits until 1:00 pm, which is in about ten minutes."
     "Crap," Rufus said.

<Amarant & Lani: Coworkers, Jecht and Rinoa: Assistants: Currently in Last>
     "You really know this place well," Rinoa said to Amarant. "Good job."
     Amarant led the group into the mirror room and read the wall. The group assumed battle positions: Amarant with his claws, Lani with her axe, Jecht with his sword, and Rinoa with her pinwheel.
     "I have so been waiting to kill something," Lani said.
     "I think that feeling is mutual," Jecht said.
     "I thought it'd just be a race," Rinoa said. "I'll bet Squall had no issues with this fight."
     The spider came down from the ceiling, but it was immediately put on the defensive as Jecht, Amarant, and Lani all charged at it. It struck out at them, but all of them batted away his arms like they were nothing. Finally with another leg hidden behind it, the spider lashed out and struck the torsos of the three overzealous fighters and knocked them to the side. The three started slowly getting up from the corner they were thrown to when Rinoa jumped into the battle.
     "He's all mine," Rinoa said. She pointed the contraption on her arm at the spider and shot her blaster at the spider. It clipped the corner of the spider's face, and despite a cut that formed from the wound, the spider looked generally unharmed as it batted the blaster away to the same corner as the other three. Amarant glared at Rinoa briefly, then seized the opportunity and plucked the blaster out of the air and threw it violently at the spider. The blade sliced into the side of the spider, which instantly retreated into the ceiling and dropped a clue.
     Lani was first to the clue as she ripped it open. "Stop sign. Who should stop racing? Rinoa or Jecht?"
     "Rinoa," Amarant said immediately.
     "Agreed, now let's go."
     Amarant, Lani, and Jecht all gathered their weapons that had fallen out of their hands during battle and raced out of the room. Rinoa simply waved after them and collected her blaster edge.
     "Bitches," Rinoa mumbled to herself.