Episode 5: Early Show

INT. STUDIO

Baralai sat behind his large wooden desk with the oceanic backdrop. Beside his desk was a large golden couch.

BARALAI (to camera): I guess I can't complain. I couldn't find it on a map, either. And I have a map... It seems it's time for the only segment nobody cares about. We have last night's castoffs from The Amazing Final Fantasy Race. Please welcome Reno and Rude!

Reno and Rude entered from the left and took their seats on the couch. Rude sat tall, while Reno plopped into the couch and slouched so much that he almost seemed to be lying down.

BARALAI: So... What're you two doing here? I had good money on you two.

RUDE: So did we.

BARALAI: This is your only time placing below third place. You were unstoppable.

RENO: Yeah, it sucks. It was all because of that damn Turtle Island. We couldn't find it.

BARALAI: Why not?

RENO: See, the problem was that we had a strategy to fly high so that we could see more, y'know? Made sense to us. But the "turtle" is made of the main island, which is the shell, then the body parts --head, legs, arms, tail-- they were all underwater. So from a close enough height, you can see them through the clear waters and they look like turtle parts, but from way up high, all you could see was the "shell." And the shell doesn't look like a shell without the other parts, y'know?

BARALAI: And that's why you lost?

RUDE: Yes.

RENO: Pretty much, yeah. We expected a U-Turn, so we don't credit it toward our losing. We do also credit a stupidly designed leg toward our race though. I mean, it really all came down to that Turtle Island task. How boring.

NOOJ (O.S.): I agree. I turned it off before the whole series even premiered.

BARALAI: So what do you guys think of this whole alliance thing? That supposedly took you out.

RUDE: Lies.

RENO: They didn't do anything to us, y'know? Their names weren't on the Yield board, so they didn't do anything. I think the alliance is crap, y'know? The big lady and the whiney lady... That's an explosion waiting to happen.

RUDE: One argument and it'll be over.

BARALAI: I see what you mean. So it looks like you guys beat the heck out of those detours. How'd that all go?

RENO: We rocked it out, no doubt. But we weren't flawless. We failed like everybody did on the Mail Delivery. More than they showed. If I remember right, then no team finished in less than five attempts. I wanna say Ma and Zell were the fastest.

RUDE: The 'Stand' detour was simple. It would be hard for a single person to do, but otherwise was simple.

BARALAI: What about that killer Roadblock? Some teams just got stuck on it, while Reno, you came in and put Setzer into a coma!

RENO: (Laughs) Not a coma, no. But we were so tight for time, my killer instinct just kicked in. Also, that light bat thing is almost exactly like the weapon I normally use, so it was just like taking somebody out, y'know? Only there was a pad. Lucky for Setzer, I guess. I think he was worn out by my turn, too.

BARALAI: A lot of people compare you to last season's Edgar and Sabin. With the exception of their poor start, both of you placed very high, then suddenly lost in episode five. Your thoughts?

RENO: I didn't watch last season. Ask him.

Reno gestures to Rude.

RUDE: We were different. Ours was luck. They lost from not being able to complete a simple task.

BARALAI: I see. Well it's that time, so I'd better wrap things up with my final question: who are you rooting for?

RENO: The pirate girls. Well, only one's a pirate. But either way, that's cool stuff, y'know? Also, Fran and Balthier. They're the best remaining racers. I don't root for those who don't deserve it.

RUDE: Fran.

BARALAI: Fran and Balthier are def-

RUDE: No. Just Fran.

BARALAI: Well I think a vote for Fran to win will count for-

RUDE: No.

BARALAI: .....Well, that's enough for us! Tune in next time when we'll find out who I bet money on and inevitably lose it to Nooj. And now a word from our sponsor!

NOOJ (O.S.): Sponsor. Heh. Yeah right.