Okay, I am really good at telling when things are bad. I knew walking back home from the Seventh Heaven that something was wrong because Mother was on the front porch sitting (if you could really call what she does sitting) in a rocking chair staring at me, rocking back and forth. Of course Tiffany was on a stool next to her. I ignored them both and walked inside... and promptly fell face forward, into a ten foot deep hole with cement at the bottom to break my fall. Mother had made a trap door. I should have known since we have never had a big rug at the entrance to our house before. I stayed on the cement ground for awhile because I knew if I stood up right away, I'd have only added to Mother's amusement.
     Are you okay Sephy? I forgot to tell you, Tiffany dug a hole there.
     Why must she always blame everything on Tiffany? I bought Tiffany for her about a year ago. I thought it would keep Mother occupied for a few days. It didn't. She kept on with the pranks and fires and stuff, and just used Tiffany as a scapegoat.
     I stood up and flew to my room. Don't be too shocked. I can fly, and I've been able to fly for quite some time now. It's actually kinda strange. I can fly, and Mother cannot, but Mother has wings, and I don't. I got to my room and found my mail from the previous day. I never open my mail the day I get it. Mother told me it's bad luck. She proved it's bad luck. I opened my mail the day I got it one day, and Mother hit me over the head with a frying pan. Then she blamed it on bad luck... oh, and Tiffany of course. I found two things in my stack of mail. One was opened already, but I didn't mind. It was one of those AOL Free Minutes CDs. Mother loves those things. She plays Frisbee with Tiffany in the backyard.
     Tiffany! Catch the effin Frisbee! Fine, I'll find someone else to play Frisbee with. Maybe Jenny wants to play.
     The unopened mail was a letter from Rufus Shinra. It read...
Dear Sephiroth,
     Hey man, wassap? You enjoyin' the house? I hope so. You keepin' it clean? I hope so, 'cause I'm comin' to visit you tomorrow. My fat ass dad wants to make sure you're not burning it down or anything. And ya know, he might just take the house back if you don't have some goddam chicken prepared when he arrives. Oh, and turkey, he loves turkey. And beef, anything with beef. And is your mother in the old person "I have to keep a jar of crappy candy on the coffee table" phase? 'cause Fatty loves his crappy candy that you can get like four bags of for just one gil. Anyway, see you tomorrow. -Rufus
Well that's just great. Since I didn't open my mail yesterday, Rufus may be here any minute, demanding a satisfactory house with food. Oh well, I don't care. I'm not gonna run around fixing things to get them ready for Rufus and his dad. I even hope Mother hasn't repaired the hole by the door, so maybe that moron Rufus will fall into it.
     Tiffany! You broke Jenny's window with the Frisbee! You'd better go apologize to her. And you'd better apologize to Jenny's father. I didn't even know a Frisbee could go that far into someone's ear!
     How could Mother be so loud? She doesn't even have a voice box.