The door bell rang, well, it would have rung if we had a door bell anymore, ever since mother removed the bell part and made the door bell turn on the oven. Don't ask how she did it, I don't know. If I knew, I'd fix it. But I have better than a door bell, I have an annoying mother. She somehow senses when people are at the door and tells me.
     Sephiroth! Door! The door Sephiroth! Get the door Sephiroth! What's wrong with you, your legs broken? Sephiroth, you have two choices: answer the door before they ring the bell, or save your CD collection which is locked in the oven.
     Since I still can't get the oven open, I decided to race to the door to presumably meet Rufus and President Shinra. I was right, it was them. Damn. Why couldn't it have been someone else? Well, at least they looked about as happy to see me as I was to see them. President Shinra was alternating between smoking his cigar and eating a breaded chicken drumstick, and Rufus was listening to headphones, singing random lyrics to "Born to be Wild" incomprehensibly. It was a great way to visit your former first-class soldier (and assassin as far as President Shinra was concerned). I waved for them to follow me, and turned to lead them into the house. Yes, I forgot about the hole that "Tiffany" dug. I fell into it again which made mother run down the stairs (I didn't even know she was upstairs) so that she could laugh at me. I climbed out of the hole, just in time to see that Rufus had not been paying attention, and he made the same mistake I did with Tiffany's hole. Now that I was on this end of the hole, I found it was not nearly as funny as Mother made it out to be.
     Holy shit! I mean, holy non-shit. Did you see that!? Rufus fell down the hole! He's bleeding out his face!
     Seeing Mother laughing so hard, I did what anybody else would have done. Okay, so it's kinda rude, but I pushed Mother in the hole.
     Ahh, Sephiroth, you ass goblin! Why the eff did you do that! To your own Mother even! Sick 'im Tiffany! Push him down here so I can whoop his ass!... T-Tiffany? Tiffany? Tiffany you butt cookie! Push yourself down here! I'm gonna whoop the tar out of you! I'm gonna miss Sinbad!
     This whole time, and I don't think the fat one noticed. He looked at the staircase, blew smoke in my face, stared at my foodless kitchen, drooled, turned around, and left. At first, I thought this had to be the coolest thing ever, my house is safe with me, I get to keep it. Then I noticed that his largeness did not leave the bruised Rufus a car. Now I have a roommate. This is the worst day of my life.