The cab arrived and do you know who was driving it? Well, neither do I. The license said his name was Rodrigo Rodriguez, so I guess that's who it was. Rodrigo was a very bad driver. He drove slow and took long-cuts and got lost many times in order to run up my fee. I finally saw the theme park gates with Mother standing out front waving. How anticlimactic. She wasn't captured by anything, she wasn't dead, she was just, there. I got out of the cab, gave Rodrigo the finger, flashed my Masamune at him, and Mother waved as he sped off.
     You found me!
     "Yeah, I found you," I said. "Do you know how much-"
     Did you bring a dollar like I asked?
     "I don't even know what a dollar is-"
     Well then, tell me what you think of my park. Come check out this ride. I designed it. It's called Monkey Mayhem. It's my own roller coaster that passes through the monkey exhibit.
     "That sound like a bad idea," I said.
     "Actually it isn't," said a voice behind me. I turned to find out the voice belonged to Reeve, the former Head of Urban Development at Shin-Ra Inc. I heard he quit to start his own company. "We did have to modify her idea, but it's a pretty good idea."
     You modifiers effed up my ride. It was great before you guys came and gayed it up.
     "It was for the safety of the passengers as well as the monkeys. We had to add the glass tunnel that surrounds the ride when it goes through the monkey exhibit, otherwise, there'd be many dead monkeys."
     Good, I hate monkeys. I know the real reason you added the tunnel. You wanted a reason to change my ride's name. The Poo-Flinger was gonna be big. Big I tell you!
     "Look," Reeve said, pulling me aside, "monkeys aside, there's a reason you're here, and there's a reason your mother is here. I heard all about your road trip. It was all over the six o'clock news. Because of this, I figured there'd be no way to get you away from your mother, and no way you'd let her leave the house, so I called her and told her to come here, hoping you'd follow her."
     Mother nodded like she knew what was going on.
     "I actually wanted to hire you for a job. I'm sure you've seen adds for the new Neo Happy Whatever Whatever Midgar plan, and to put it simply, that's my idea, but taken completely out of proportion. At my new company Sith Co., we came up with a plan to turn the planet into one giant city, but unlike those thieves at Shin-Ra, my plan was going to be environmentally safe, utilizing solar and hydroelectric energy. Shin-Ra hasn't given up on the Mako energy and the pollution, so they're going to pollute the world. They're going to take the credit for the awesome industrialization, and blame my company for the pollution. That's not how I want to start my company off."
     Is this gonna get good soon? Probably not. I'm going to test the Monkey Flinger or whatever my ride is now called.
     "I'm not into politics," I said to Reeve, "I'm not sure how I factor into this."
     "I'm not trying to hire you for your political influence," he said. "I'm hiring you for your coercive influence."
     Guys, I just heard. the Monkey Flinger was tested with six passengers, and only one came back alive. I'd go on it anyway, but Dio said I must be this tall to ride.
     "So what you're telling me," I said, ignoring Mother, "is that I get to kill fat President Shinra again?"
     "Bingo."