"Yo Seph," Barret said quietly. "There ain't no way your plan's gonna work."
     "Why's that?" I asked.
     "Shh! Keep yo' voice down man. We's within Shin-Ra's hearin' range. Actually, this relates to my reason. Your plan involved quiet, and we have two of the loudest, most annoying creatures with us right now: your mother, and my -er, Dyne's daughter. Man, they can't stay quiet for even two seconds. Even as we speak they playin' the penis game."
     "Wait," I said, lowering my voice level to Barret's. "The penis game!?"
     "Yeah, you know. The one where one person says 'penis,' then the next person says 'penis,' only they have to say it louder, and it goes back an' forth until somebody gets too embarrassed to yell it loudly."
     "So you're telling me that there's a game out there that involves loud noises and the word 'penis,' and Mother didn't invent it? You've got to be kidding me. That means somebody out there is at least as stupid as-"
     "Yo man! You're gettin' off da subject. Point is, they'll do anything to blow our cover. I mean shit. Marlene couldn't even attempt to resist when Tifa started using that radio. She found the thing ya talk into on the dashboard, and picked it up. Then she looked at me with the 'dammit I have nothing to say' look, and started making stuff up about-"
     "Yeah, we heard. Okay, so what do you suggest?"
     "Ai'ight, listen man. What I'm doin' requires much respect, and much money after this is over. I'm gonna be the leader of 'Team Distraction.' Me, Marlene, and Jenova is gonna bust through da main entrance makin' tons o' noise-"
     "PENIS!" Marlene yelled at the top of her lungs.
     "Like that," Barret resumed. "Then, you, Dyne, and Aeris can do that thing you was talkin' about doin' with the stairs and the hole in the wall."
     The noise of footsteps could be heard coming toward our location. If Shin-Ra troops were to tell others we were here, the plan would be even more difficult. We had to make sure whoever was going to be part of Team Distraction was caught here, and the rest were unseen. I had to decide quickly, and so I did.
     "Never let Mother out of your sight," I said, patting Barret on the back. "I owe you one. Dyne! Aeris! Follow me."
     Hey! What is a penis anyway? Can it talk? Is it a monster?
     Team Actually Gonna Accomplish Something (that's my group) took off to the left, behind some tall metal boxes. Team Distraction entered a battle with two wussy Shin-Ra guards which weren't even a match for Mother alone. Still, they radioed in the disturbance like we assumed they would. My team crept around the boxes until we could see the entrance to the stairwell, and the three guards that sat by the door playing cards.
     "Ooh!" Aeris said semi-quietly clapping her hands. "This is perfect. Look! Three guards: a shorter one, a taller one, and a huge buff one. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
     I never again wanted to put on a Shin-Ra 3rd Class outfit in my life. My protesting wouldn't do much for Aeris's decision though, since she was already telling Dyne how we'd go about getting their clothes off of them without tearing the clothes themselves.
     "You know Aeris," I said. "Shin-Ra doesn't hire women to be soldiers."
     "What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.
     "I mean you may not uhh... fit the uniform properly."
     I locked eyes with Aeris, and forced her vision to follow my own onto her chest. She seemed offended at first, attempting to cover herself, but then stopped, shook her hair back and responded, "why don't you worry about your own tits, eh? I can squeeze into those outfits, no problem. They won't suspect a thing."
     Apparently Dyne was getting fed up with the lack of action taking place, and began his own, unassisted attack. He ran out silently behind them, then very precisely aimed and fired his gunarm, knocking out the soldiers' radios. The soldiers turned to him and readied their own weapons, but they were all too late. Dyne was already right beside them, punching and kicking them anywhere he saw flesh or spots where no damage would come to the suits. Within seconds, all three soldiers were unconscious. The three of us stood outside the stairwell, undressing the guards, undressing ourselves, watching Aeris get undressed and redressed in her soldier outfit, redressing ourselves in soldier outfits, and watching Mother take command of Team Distraction. I prayed for Barret's safety and sanity as I watched Mother run straight for the main gates alongside Marlene, with Barret running frantically to keep up."
     Bonsai!