I'd say the Turks were intimidating, but they really weren't. Tseng was pretty tough looking, but Elena was standing behind him braiding his hair. Reno and Rude look tough, but not when they're extremely drunk and playing hot hands.
     "So this is the new AVALANCHE?" Tseng said, brushing Elena's hands out of his hair. "What do we have? The Ancient, the Great Sephiroth, and the uhh... who the hell is he? Wait, let's just call that a rhetorical question, and let me continue on with my speech. I really don't care who that is anyways. You guys certainly are brave to do this for that traitor Reeve, but are you so stupid to think we don't have security cameras in the elevators? Or outside for that matter? You know, Aeris, we now have you changing on tape. I was sure to record that one, but don't feel too cool. Yesterday, we taped a dog peeing on a wall."
     Cool! Let's watch that one!
     "There's only one room in this whole place without security cameras, and that is this room. So I think you know what's coming."
     A new reality show?
     Tseng pulled two custom pistols from inside his jacket's breast pockets and lie them down at his own feet. Then, he kneeled down on the ground, folded his hands, and looked back up at me. "Please let us join up with you," he said. "They don't treat us good here! We got stuck on security camera duty! We're Turks for Christ's sake! We wanna work at Sith Co. under Reeve. I hear he's got a dental plan. Here our dental plan is Heidegger handing us a toothbrush and saying 'go to it.' So I say you take off those ridiculous costumes and we'll take this place by force. There's nobody watching the cameras now, so why bother sneaking around? So, come on, what do ya say?"
     Reno, Rude, and Elena pulled out a lump of clothes in a box labeled 'Lost and Found Ours' and threw it to us. It was our clothes that we left outside. We changed, first Aeris, then Dyne and I, and I told Tseng we'd help him.
     "First we need to rescue Mother and the others," I said. "Then, we're going after President Shinra."
     "P-President Shinra?" Tseng said. "Oh man. You guys have bad timing. He left yesterday on a business trip to Nibelheim. So I'll propose something else. Let's kill Heidegger. Just for sport ya know?"
     Yay! Fat guy hunting! Coming up next!
     "Okay, I'll make the calls around here," I said. "Dyne, you take Reno, Rude, and Elena, and go rescue Barret, Marlene, and... and Mother..."
     I looked down and saw Mother standing, staring up at me innocently.
     "How'd you get out?"
     I've been out.
     "Yes, I know. But how'd you get out earlier? Out of the Shin-Ra Prison?"
     Yuffie busted me out.
     "Yuffie?" I looked up and saw the crafty ninja standing by the open door holding a guards keys. Man, and to think I'd completely forgotten about her.
     "Then where are Barret and Marlene?" I asked Yuffie.
     "I couldn't bust them out," she said. "The guard I attacked didn't have the right keys."
     Suddenly the overhead sprinkler system went off for no apparent reason.
     You haven't found it yet...
     "Great," I said. "Now we have to move quickly. Mother, Aeris, and I will free Barret and Marlene, the rest of you do what you will. Get out or whatever. Meet at the Seventh Heaven."
     I ran outside and saw that the entire floor was on fire, as were several other floors. The upper twenty floors of Shin-Ra, in fact, were engulfed in flame, shooting fire out the windows. Many employees had already evacuated, so we had nobody to stop our rescue mission.
     "Dude, so we quit?" Reno asked Rude.
     "Hey wait dude," Rude responded. "Since we quit, let's light Heidegger's desk on fire!"
     The pair laughed at the suggestion, pulled out a match, and ran off into the fire.
     "It's a good thing Rude's not always this drunk," I told Aeris.
     "Yeah. No wonder he never talked before," she responded, giggling.
     Yeah, and he's bald!
     "Uhh, Mother," I said. "Must you always kill jokes?"
     BAH HA HA HA HA! I'm so friken funny!
     At this, we left to free Barret and the creature known as Marlene.