The Siths pointed their guns toward us. It was a giant stand off. Twenty Cait Siths lined against the ten of us-
     Eleven. You forgot Yuffie again.
     "Oh, damn it all," I said. "The eleven of us-"
     "Dude," Reno said staring at me funnily. "I think you meant to say that in your head."
     "Yeah dude," Rude said while injecting himself with some type of drug. "I think you're more screwed up than we are."
     "Dude, speak for yourself," Reno said to Rude.
     "I am speaking for myself," he responded. "Oh, wait dude. Did I say that out loud?"
     There may be eleven of us, but only about half of the group is sane.
     "Hey Tseng," I said. "Since Sith Co. lost control of the Siths, who controls them?"
     "That's a good question," he responded. "Well, since they're weapons, I'd guess Scarlet was put in control, but I'm pretty sure it isn't her. I heard she left this morning. She had to go on a 'business trip' to Wall Market. I'm pretty sure she hasn't gotten back, and since they're here ready to fight us, I imagine she put somebody else in charge of controlling them. I'd put my money on Heidegger."
     "Gya ha ha!" The Siths said in unison.
     "That was subtle," Tseng said.
     "Okay Turks," the lead Sith said, "let's get those intruders."
     "Dude," Reno said to Tseng. "This is the part where we throw toothbrushes at him and tell him to cram it, right? Well, where do we throw them, and where should I cram the toothbrush?"
     Tseng slapped his forehead and responded: "Turks! Ready your weapons."
     "Yeah, about that dude," Reno said pulling out his odd nightstick. "I'm the only Turk with a weapon that needs pulling out besides you."
     Tseng pulled his custom pistols out of his breast pockets. "Shut up Reno."
     Hey Sephy! Look up! I can see my fire!
     "Hey Tseng," I said. "Why're you sweating? They're just machine guns. A phoenix down or life spell and you're right as rain."
     "Not against these guys," Tseng said. "You of all people should know. They have a chip that Reeve programmed into them called the 'Cinematic Chip' which means any bullets to the brain, or swords to the back or whatever, and you're screwed. And as for some of you, it also means you can't use any limit break things..."
     "Why should I know about that?" I asked.
     "Ahem," Aeris coughed.
     It took me a minute, but I got the picture. "Oh. Sorry about that Aeris."
     "It's all in the past," she said readying her staff.
     "So bullets hurt us," I said once again talking to Tseng, "but it's like, instant death for them too, right?"
     He looked at me, then he waved with the gun in his right hand and said: "Now Turks." Reno, Rude, and Elena all pulled out a rainbow of cheap toothbrushes and threw a barrage of toothbrushes at the lead Sith while yelling "cram it!" Tseng crossed his arms outward in front of him, said 'we quit,' and shot the cat on the top of the lead Sith. Those guns pack some serious heat too. He pulled those triggers at exactly the same second, one bullet hit the cat in the stomach, and the other was right between the eyes. The cat flew a good seventy feet or so, and skidded another thirty. The battle began.
     Bonsai!
     "No, Mother. No 'bonsai' yet. In fact, no bonsai ever. Get a better battle cry than a tree type. That's like running out yelling 'maple' or 'sycamore.'
     Good idea! Maple!
     "No, Mother. Stay away from the battle grounds. Look. The Turks are doing just fine against the Siths. We'll wait for a few minutes while they duke it out."
     Ooh, we get to be the calamari.
     "Cavalry, Mother, and yes so to speak. Just look how good they're doing without us."
     "Ah shit!" Reno cried out. "He shot me in the ass!"
     "Geez!" Tseng yelled. "Rude! Watch where you're going!"
     "Yeah, stay out of my way!" Elena screamed. "I can take all these- Ooooouuuchhh! He shot my #%$@in' ear."
     "Dude!" Reno yelled again. "I can't feel my legs!"
     Me neither! Sephy! I think I was shot in the ass too. I can't feel my legs.
     "You have no legs Mother."
     Oh my GOD! He shot my legs off!
     "No, Mother, you never had legs!"
     Oh. That sucks... is it Maple time?
     "I don't think so Mother. All the Siths are dead."
     The Turks truly are remarkable. They took on that whole group by themselves except for the occasional cover fire from Barret and Dyne. The only casualty was Rude. He lie flat on his chest. His arms lifeless at his sides.
     "Why're you looking at Rude like that?" Tseng asked me. He blew the smoke from his pistols. "He isn't dead. That's just his victory stance. Well, we think it is. He ODs after every battle. Something happens when he takes too much then gets all worked up... the adrenaline or something. Don't worry. He'll be fine."
     Well then, I guess the only casualty was part of Elena's ear, which Aeris was currently healing. As for us spectators, well, Yuffie was checking the scrapped Siths for materia, Mother was eating something she found on the ground, and Marlene was doing obscene things with the destroyed metallic kitties. As for me, the Great Sephiroth: Professional Spectator, well, I couldn't help them you see, 'cause the fight was so compact, one swing of my Masamune and I'd have taken everyone's heads off. It's better this way you see."
     You? You mean me!? Why're you always talking to me? Leave me alone. This is tasty. It tastes like dirt!