Rude slowly stood up and staggered around for a few minutes. Elena was busy feeling her repaired ear. Tseng was going around the back of Shin-Ra HQ to get a car for us. As for Reno, he had his pants down while Aeris cured his wounded ass. For some reason, I got the feeling Aeris was not turned on by the sight of Reno's ass. Tseng pulled around a faded green van with paint peeling in many different places. The words 'Ghetto Mobile' were written in black spray paint on the side of it. The van slowed down to nearly a stop and Tseng jumped out, ran around the front, and waved for all of us to come.
     "Come on guys, hurry up," he said. "This thing doesn't have brakes so I just threw it in neutral. Hurry before it rolls away."
     He could just circle, but that would be too logical. I had a very bad feeling about that car, but Mother was already running into the back of the van yelling her new catch phrase.
     Maple Bonsai! Ouch!
     "What happened, Mother?" I asked.
     I ran into the back of the van. Pa dum dum ping!
     The rest of us piled into the back with the exception of Tseng, Elena, and Rude, who sat in the front three seats. The rest of us were too big, too wounded, or too busy fixing Reno's ass. Even Marlene was in the back with us because she claimed she was helping with Reno's ass. We all found something in the back to sit on, except for Reno who preferred to stand.
     I technically don't stand nor sit.
     "Where to?" Tseng yelled back to us.
     "The Seventh Heaven," I said, and we were off. The Ghetto Mobile traveled extremely slow. Tseng said he didn't want to go too fast or the car would never stop. After about forty-five bottles of beer on the wall (you'll never guess who was singing that) we arrived at Tifa's bar and all jumped out of the moving vehicle. It was only going five miles per hour or so, so we only stumbled a little bit. Except for Rude. He didn't stagger at all. I went into the Seventh Heaven first with Aeris and explained that the Turks were now on our side, and how President Shinra was not there.
     "Wait, the Turks are here?" she said seeming surprised and happy at the same time. Gee, I could not imagine why she'd be happy to see a group of drunks coming into her bar.
     I give up... why?
     "Yeah, but there's a catch to this. We need a place to stay the night. Tseng doesn't think we should drive that car anymore, so we need to wait for a cab or something."
     "Dude, I can't run," Reno said, still outside. "I got hit in the ass, man. You catch the car."
     "It can't still hurt," Tseng responded to Reno. "Now come on. Elena can't hold that car forever. Help her pull it off that hill. I gotta go use the bathroom."
     Tifa started digging through a drawer behind the bar and pulled out a ring of keys.
     Wow. Like a key ring?
     "Good looks bring good things," Tifa said. "I own about four sports cars, three vans, three trucks, and I believe forty-seven different people's souls. It's amazing what drunks will give you if you simply get them good and drunk, smile at them, and take what they offer you without question. We'll leave tomorrow for uhh... where are we going?"
     "Beats me," I said. "I'll ask Tseng when he gets in here. I'll tell everyone they can come in now, so break out the booze."
     I walked out onto her porch and yelled, "All right everybody. Tifa's got us covered, and the bar is open."
     Reno's ears perked up at the 'bar is open' part, and ran without any limp what-so-ever into the Seventh Heaven. Rude was right behind him. Tseng and Elena were next in. They were also quite fast getting there, but not as fast as Reno and Rude. The Ghetto Mobile rolled down the pile of junk it was on and eventually landed top down at the bottom of a huge pile of trash. The rest of our crew headed into the bar, so I decided to follow and see what Mother planned on doing.
     I caught her with a Fire Materia over by the pinball machine and took the materia away from her.
     Hey! We were gonna play Find the Fire!
     "It was a preemptive find," I said. "I found it before you set it, so I get uhh... bonus points."
     Oh you suck. I hate you... that puts your score at 4, and me at 5,394.3... you're comin' back Sephy.
     I just saved Tifa's bar. I'm awesome. Even though I think Mother is still going to break the pinball secret passage. She kept hitting the button which made it go up and down. She did until we left, which was about five minutes. Tseng, Elena, Barret, Dyne, and I think Marlene were all drunk in this small amount of time. Reno and Rude were drunk to begin with. I stayed sober so I could be a designated driver.
     Oh yeah right Sephy! You didn't drink because you're a goody goody. You just don't like Al.
     "Mother, it isn't Al, it's alcohol. It's a thing, not a man."
     Are you sure? I think I met him the other day. You met him too! Doofy guy, goatee, pasty white skin.
     "Mother, that was Reeve," I hesitated while she looked at me funny. "Reeve sounds nothing like Al!" She still stared at me blankly. "Do I need to show you the 'Beverage or Person Chart' again?" She nodded. "All right. Here. Here's the book of things you commonly forget. Look through it. I'm driving us to... uhh..."
     "Playa Del Mundo," Tifa said. "That's where President Shinra went. It's the new beach resort near the chocobo stables, on the eastern beaches. It's pretty fun."
     "Did Tseng tell you this is where he went?" I asked.
     "You really don't look around much do you? There was a news broadcast on the TV just now. There was an anonymous tip by this guy that looked like Rufus with a fake mustache and glasses, being interviewed by a guy that looked strangely like Reeve in a cowboy hat."
     Was Al with them?
     "Okay then," I said. "Round up the drunks, and let's roll!"