Our entire group could fit into one van. This one van was Midgar's version of a Suburban called the 'Midgar Take the Soccer Team Out For Pizza.' I hate Midgar product names. They should fire Mayor Domino for name suggestions like that. I drove (hell yeah) and Tifa got shotgun (oh hells yes), the next row had Aeris, Yuffie, and Marlene, the next row Barret and Dyne, and the last row had the Turks. Mother ran around on the floor like an animal. The Turks played the hit game 'Drunken Dead-Arms.'
     "Ouch! Dude!" Rude yelled at Reno. "You hit me in the chin I think."
     "Dude," Reno responded," I was just getting you back for when you hit me while trying to hit Tseng."
     "Hey dudes," Elena said, "remember when I tried to hit you and instead I hit me? Well, I got me back for doing that. Pow! Right in the stomach!"
     I love our new friends.
     I still can't wait for the part of this journey when we lose Marlene. She kept chewing up the seats and spitting them at me. Then she chewed through her seat belt and ran around with Mother. Barret no longer cared. He did call an exorcist using his PHS, but aside from that, he gave up on Marlene at that very moment. The highway out of Midgar was finally finished, so I took that all the way to Kalm.
     In Kalm, the car was not calm. The group consensus was that we were all hungry. I drove us through 'Monster-In-The-Box' and picked us up some burgers, and Mother a kid's meal. Her toy was this plastic eyeball that could be hooked onto this other thing and shot across the car when squeezed. It usually went about two feet. Tifa was turning red 'cause she ordered a strawberry shake and a strawberry was stuck at the other end of her straw, yet she continued to try to suck it out. You should have heard the jokes Aeris made about this.
     Foom! The flying eyeball strikes again! Hey Barret? Can I have my eyeball back? It's the thing that just landed in your lap.
     From Kalm we took the other highway (lots of highways were springing up around this area) and headed to the beach. Playa Del Mundo... why had I never heard of this before? I don't think many other people had heard of this before either. The road was mostly empty. Except for this other car. I saw a bunch of people in it with surfboards sticking out the back window, so I decided to speed up to see who was in it. I pulled up along side it, and nearly had a heart attack. The driver was none other than Cloud Strife. His passengers? Six of the hottest bikini-clad women this side of the universe. Tifa looked over and saw them all, and turned her head the other way in disgust.
     "What's wrong Tifa?" I asked. "Don't you still like Cloud?" I prayed not.
     "It's not just him," she said. "It's the whole car. I stopped living with Cloud at the villa because he wasn't paying any attention to me anymore. He was always hanging around with those skanks. I know every one of those skanks too. I hired them to work at the Costa Del Sol branch of the Seventh Heaven. I was hoping every last one of them was incinerated by you guys. Apparently your bomb just missed them on their road trip from one tropical resort to another."
     We'll try again then. Anybody have any bombs on them?
     "Come on Seph," Tifa said, "be evil. Run that bastard off the road."
     "What'll you give me if I do?" I asked.
     I'll give you an eyeball! Here. Shoom!
     "I'll give you, umm...."
     "Offer him a date," Aeris said. "Guys love that. They'll do anything for a date."
     Did I ever mention how much I love Aeris's ideas? She's brilliant.
     "Okay," Tifa said. "If you do, you can go on a date with Aeris."
     "What!?" Aeris said confusedly.
     "Done and done," I said, not listening to the Aeris part. I swerved our giant car to the left lane and drove Cloud off the road, into some soft dirt. I was planning on him just spinning out, but instead, he slammed on his brakes immediately after hitting the soft dirt, then his car hit a larger lump of dirt and flew into the air, back first, then front, then back, as it did three front flips before landing completely upside-down with a sickening BLAM!
     "Uh oh," I said, not meaning for that to happen.
     "Oh my god!" Aeris and Tifa yelled.
     "Seph!" Tifa continued, "you weren't supposed to go that far!"
     "Oh my god!" the Turks yelled in unison. "I can see the beach!"
     After our car came to a complete stop, all the doors swung open and everybody ran out. Aeris, Tifa, Barret, Dyne, and I ran to help Cloud and the ladies out of the car. Mother and Marlene took pictures of the accident. The Turks all stripped on the spot and searched the back of the car (yes, while naked) for swimming suits. Miraculously, they found some, put them on, and made a run for the waves.