Mother was right. I am pouting right now. You'd pout too if your father were Hojo and you knew you'd meet up with him in a matter of minutes. Problem was, I wasn't feeling too well, so I let Mother lead. I know it was dumb, but there is one thing dumber. I also let her tell this portion of our story.
     You did!? Oh Sephy. I knew there was a reason I made you my son. Yippie! Okay, here goes.
     Sephy followed behind me and carried Tiffany. Edwardo walked behind Sephy 'cause at first he was in front of him but I was all, 'now Edwardo, no pooing in front of Sephy 'cause he might step in it,' and Edwardo was all, 'nuh uh, I'm not gonna poo' and then-
     "Mother please," I said. "Edwardo can't talk."
     Sephy was being a butthole like usual. He was all, 'Mother please, Edwardo can't talk,' and I was all, 'yuh huh,' and he was all 'Mother, you're stupid,' and I was all, 'so?' and he was all, 'okay, you win this one Mother.'
     We went into this door in the back of the city and it wanted us to play a little melody on some Lunar Harp, but all we had was a kazoo, but Sephy was all, 'I'm not putting that thing anywhere near my lips because I saw that thing in the dog's butt the other day,' so we compromised and let Edwardo's butt play a symphony. Sephy reminded me how glad he was that the dog was behind him. The place liked his Edwardo's rendition of 'I'm Too Sexy' via kazoo and they let us pass. It wasn't too fun in there anyway. There was this city of ancient people that kept walking around telling stories about 'back in the day' and 'you remember that day Caesar was stabbed' and stuff like that, so naturally, I ignored them all. Edwardo bit one guy and he was all like 'damn dogs... back in the day, dogs didn't have teeth.'
     "Okay, enough Mother," I said. "I gave you a chance and you ruined it. If you haven't noticed, we haven't moved from this spot in Bone Village. I'm feeling better though, so I'll take over."
     I led Mother and crew through the weird door in the back of Bone Village leading to the City of the Ancients. The thing wanted us to play the Lunar Harp, but I just gave it the finger and we moved on. We started walking through the forest when we saw a very odd sight. We saw Red XIII running around in circles chasing something. Finally he lunged for it and held it triumphantly in his teeth.
     "Horrrray!" He said, putting the object into his hair clip. "Damn materia kept floating around, but nnnnnow I control the might of Kjata!"
     "Good for you dog," I said. "You got the materia that never works. Lucky."
     "I knnnnow, but I always got the bad materia anyway. I don't think Cloud liked me."
     "Well I don't like you either, but I'm sure you're going to follow me around now."
     Our group headed off to the City of the Ancients. Sure enough, Red followed, talking to Mother the whole way about weird things like Red's fiery tail and wondering what he was keeping track of by putting those number marks on his arm. Once we finally reached the city, we found it had not changed at all. There were still no signs of life in the city and I was still bored being here. We walked into a random house in the city and found a few beds.
     Boy, I'm all tuckered out.
     "I'm nnnnnot sure what that means," Red said, "but I'm tired. Cannnnn we rest?"
     "Fine, let's sleep," I said. "Maybe I'll feel better after a good night's sleep. Maybe I'll get a good night's sleep just because if Mother burns this whole place down, I really don't care."
     "That's good," Red said. "I tend to burn buildings down in my sleep with my tail."
     Sephy? Can I have a tail like that one day?
     I ignored Mother, found a bed, and went to sleep.

     The next morning I was awoken by somebody poking me. It was a weird feeling since I was only here with Mother and animals, and this was most definitely a human poking me. I opened my eyes slightly and saw a woman in a red dress. The woman was very foxy, so of course I was instantly wide awake. The woman had long brown hair that instantly caught my fancy. She looked down at me and smiled. I awkwardly smiled back, not knowing if she was looking for me to return a smile.
     "I thought you looked like you," she said. Now my smile was completely gone and replaced by pure confusion. "Here, I owe you this." She moved a closed hand toward my face, then opened it, revealing nothing, and slapped me across the face.
     I immediately started rubbing my face where she slapped me, but still looked to her calmly. "You're sure I deserved that?" I asked. She nodded. I shrugged and started to lay back down when she held out her hand for a handshake. I shook her hand.
     "That was for killing my daughter," she said.
     "Oh," I said. "I still don't know you. I've killed plenty of daughters. Which was yours again?"
     "Not very good at taking hints, are you?" she said. "We're in this abandoned city of Ancients, I have brown hair and gigantic green eyes."
     "Oh come on," I said yawning. "I just woke up. Gimme a break, umm, Aeris's Mom. So are you still an Ancient or Cetra or whatever the hell you were?"
     "I sure am," she replied. "Are you still living with your Mother?"
     I pointed to where Mother was pretending to sleep.
     Iffanelipus! Long time no see!
     "M-my name is Ifalna," she said. "So how are you doing Jenova? You still causing massive destruction and threatening the planet's existance?"
     No, I'm more into minor destruction now. I'm mostly just stupid now.
     "Look," I said. "I really don't know what's going on right now, but I'm tired of getting slapped this early in the morning by hot chicks claiming to be other hot chicks' mothers. Besides, I thought you died? Why're you-" I paused and held a up a finger silencing everyone while I thought for a second. "Let's take back that dead comment."
     "That still leaves the hot chick part," Ifalna said. "I can't believe somebody actually called me a 'hot chick,' and what's more, you called my daugher a 'hot chick' too!"
     "Well, it is early," I said. "I'm not really sure if I'm even awake yet."
     Ifalna bent over and slapped me again. "Now are you awake?" she asked. I nodded. "Good, then say that again. Please."
     "You're a hot chick," I repeated. "You've got a gigantic rack."
     "I beg your pardon?"
     "Well, when you bend over to slap me and don't stand back up in that low cut dress-"
     "Okay, I got the picture," she said standing upright and smoothing out her dress. "My goodness. You're just like your father."
     I fell flat against the bed and pulled the pillow over my face. "Dammit. It's not even dawn and I'm already being compared to my father. This blows."
     "Oh relax," Ifalna said. "You might appreciate your father when you meet up with your contact person. I was sent by Rufus to get you off your ass. He said he knew you'd go here and sleep. You need to hurry up. Professor Gast is waiting."
     "Gast is the contact?" I asked. She nodded.
     "Let me tell you," she said. "I love that man to death, but he's very... not right in the head."
     "So you're glad my father killed him?" I asked. She shook her head. I shrugged. "Well, okay. Whatever. Let's go then. Oh, and try to go quietly so we can ditch Red XIII."
     We all crept out slowly and quietly, then raced down the path toward the mountain pass exit to Icicle Inn.