The Turks were still busy finding their clothes while the massive Sapphire Weapon stomped around angrily. The only Turk who was fully dressed was Reno, so he decided to help us in the fight. He ran over to us and readied his baton while I unsheathed my Masamune and Mother pulled out her socket-stick.
     Wait wait wait. How come Atlantic City and I don't get names for our weapons.
     "Atlantic Ctiy?" I asked. "Oh, you mean Reno. Well then, what's your baton called, Reno?"
     "My baton?" Reno asked. "Well, sometimes I use it to tap people on the shoulder to get their attention. I guess it's called the 'hey bartender, another round.' HBAR for short."
     My stick is known only as Ventana!
     "Fine," I said.
     Reno readied his HBAR while I unsheathed my Masamune and Mother pulled out her Ventana. Sapphire Weapon moved toward us and engaged in combat. Somehow, Mother had the initiative, so she decided to cast a spell. I noticed the fire materia was starting to glow, so I prayed that she was using it on Sapphire Weapon.
     Mother risks casting a spell! Fire 17,000!
     "Mother, it only goes up to 3," I told her, but I was wrong. Apparently Mother had been using that materia her whole life, and in 2000+ years it can go beyond the typical 3. Clouds in the sky parted and sulfer and brimstone rained down on Sapphire Weapon while the ground split beneath him and molten lava erupted beneath him. Seven consecutive amounts of 9999 damage were dealt to Sapphire Weapon.
     "Hey, nice job," Reno said to Mother. "This fight'll be over quicker than ever."
     I went next and used a move I'd learned from Cloud, Omnislash. I rushed Sapphire Weapon, but due to his height, I could only slash at his four legs. After my twenty slashes of 9999 damage a piece, he seemed a bit shaky in the knees. The next turn was Reno's.
     "Kick his ass! Show him what Turks are made of!" the mostly clothed Turks watching our fight yelled to Reno. "Show up Jenova and Sephiroth! Do something awesome and unexpected!"
     Reno stepped forward and pointed his HBAR at Sapphire Weapon. "Turk Light, bitch," Reno yelled at him. A small fireball shot out of his HBAR and went directly for Sapphire Weapon's head. The fireball his his armored face and dissipated with a stunning 'miss.'
     "You suck! You're fired! You idiot!" the Turks yelled supportively to Reno.
     "Come on dude," Reno said. "It was worth a try."
     The next turn was Sapphire Weapon's. I prepared for pain, but Sapphire Weapon did not deliver any pain. Instead, he cast 'reflect' on himself. I didn't quite understand why he was taking the defensive in a fight like this. That is, I didn't understand until I looked over at Mother. Mother was very confused to this situation.
     Okie, if he done put on his reflectors, then I just have to not cast fire on him.
     It was Mother's turn. Mother doesn't have a very strong attack other than her fires, so I assumed she'd just wait or hit him with her Ventana. She didn't of course.
     So if he has reflectors, then I just have to bounce my spell off of someone on my team. Okay! I got it! Mother risks casting a spell! Fire 17,000!
     "What'd you just do Mother!?" I yelled at her, but it was way too late. The clouds parted and the ground cracked, and Fire 17,000 was focused entirely on Reno.
     "Oh shit dude," Reno said. "All this alcohol makes me extremely flammable. This ain't good at all."
     Seven consecutive hits of 9999 damage hit Reno. I expected him to fall over in defeat, but instead he just looked at his watch. "Oh shit dude," he said to the Turks behind us. "Guys, we're missing Friends. And I still haven't had enough alcohol to enjoy it! Sorry Seph, I gotta split."
     Reno turned and ran out of the fight, leaving Mother and I to finish off Sapphire Weapon. I assumed it was my turn next, but apparently Sapphire Weapon is a lot faster than I thought. He took his turn next and slammed his massive left hand down palm open on Mother and I, causing both of us substantial damage.
     "That's it," I said. "My turn now, and I've got a limit break. Super Nova!"
     My comet from the other side of the solar system came hurling through space, but I've worked on rerouting it so that it doesn't destroy the sun this time. Instead, it plowed right into the back of Sapphire Weapon's neck. It can't really be called Super Nova anymore, but I haven't thought of anything better to replace it. Mother recommended Super Comet, but that sounds like some new bathroom cleaner to me. The damage was extreme, but since it doesn't hit the sun anymore, and it isn't a repetitive hit, it didn't cause much damage. Sapphire Weapon seemed to take offense to the limit break however, and had prepared his own counterattack: Haarschnitt. It seemed to only target me, and I was ready for it, but it was not very frightening. A small ray of light shot passed my face. I turned away and looked around trying to figure out what that intended to do. I looked back at the Turks who had still not left to watch Friends. All four Turks gasped in unison. I patted my face and checked my gloved hand, but there were no signs of blood. Then I saw it. On the ground below me.
     "Oh no!" Elena yelled. "That thing cut off one of his pointy bangs!"
     On the ground was a chunk of my own hair. I patted my hair, and sure enough, of my two pointed bangs, only the left one remained. In this situation, I did what any grown man would have done. I fell down to my knees and started to cry. The Turks slowly walked away from the battle, leaving only Mother and Sapphire Weapon to duke it out. I was still technically in the fight, but I was finding it hard to conjure up the strength to even lift my Masamune. It was Mother's turn next, and I saw something that I'd never seen in Mother before. Her entire body turned black, including her wings and even her brain. Her one good eye opened, and a glowed a dark red color. Dark clouds rolled in quickly and overtook all the light in our area. It suddenly became so dark that all I could really see was her glowing eye and the faint outline of Sapphire Weapon. I swear I could also see my severed lock of hair on the ground too, but even my hair was not important at this moment. I think there was a dark matter swirling around Sapphire Weapon because I could only see him every once and a while. Suddenly, Sapphire Weapon emitted a large roar of defeat, and in the blink of an eye, Mother was back to her old self, and Sapphire Weapon was shuddering uncontrollably while helplessly hunched over.
     I won Sephy! Hooray! Maple Bonsai!
     "Mother," I asked, standing back up and trying to ignore the fact that I could see extremely well out of my right eye now. "What the %#@^ just happened?"
     We won. That's what.
     "I mean all the blackness and evilness and well, what you just did. What the hell was that?"
     "Oh my," a mysterious, yet familiar voice behind me said. "I'm so glad I got to witness that. I haven't heard about that happening for over 1200 years now. You didn't think that Jenova was nicknamed a 'Crisis from the Skies' just because she sets a few fires now did you? Son."
     "Oh no," I said. I stood slowly and turned to look at the hunched mad scientist Hojo. "What're you doing here?"
     "Oh son," Hojo said. "I see you've started losing your hair. You're looking more and more like me every second that goes by. Well then, enough of the hellos, let's get to Wutai before we're too late."
     "How're we gonna do that? I can't swim across an ocean of ice-water."
     "Easy," Hojo said. "Now that we've enslaved Sapphire Weapon, he'll take us."
     Sapphire Weapon's tail shot toward us, creating a path up to his back.
     "So he can swim in icy-waters?" I asked.
     "No son," Hojo said. "Just don't stand too close to his sides."
     As Hojo, Mother, Edwardo, and I headed up the tail, two slits opened in his sides and two wings came out on either side. Once we were all on his back, holding on to a piece of his plate armor, Sapphire Weapon took off flying toward Wutai.