The Turks Finish Up

     After Reno made quick work of Gorki, Rude quickly walked into the arena with the small child Shake. Shake was quick to taunt Rude, but Rude was very unresponsive. 
     "You think you can beat me?" Shake taunted. "You're nothing. Your friend was nothing. Gorki is and has always been our worst fighter. Nobody likes him anyway. You thinking you even stand a chance against me is foolish. FOOLISH!"
     Rude walked slowly over to Shake. Shake did not respond at all. He continued to make an ass of himself as he attempted to ridicule Rude. The small boy only came up to Rude's stomach, yet the cocky little boy didn't even flinch.
     "You think you all bad cuz you're soooo tall," Shake said. "Don't worry, just give it time. Soon you'll be on your knees in utter pain."
     Sephy, I think I have udder pain too.
     Without warning, Rude threw a strong punch, connecting with the top of Shake's head. He collapsed on the spot.
     "Hey!" Staniv yelled. "That was a low blow! He hadn't even done his Speed Change yet!"
     "Staniv," Rude said, calmly raising his middle finger to Staniv. "Right here buddy. The douche bag had it coming. Besides dude, he was on the mat of ass kicking, so I kicked his ass."
     Chekhov walked onto the mat and hurled Shake off. She motioned for Rude to leave the fighting arena and Elena to enter. Elena jumped up and down a couple times in excitment and ran onto the mat. Rude walked off and opened a beer he had stashed in his jacket. The three Turks on the sidelines shared the beer and cheered on Elena.
     "Let's not waste time," Chekhov said. "Magic Change!" A purple cloud burst around Chekhov. When the smoke cleared, the woman form of Chekhov was gone and replaced by a purple creature with many limbs and many eyes.
     "Eww," Elena said as she took a fighting stance. "Come on Cheeky, I'll let you have the first hit."
     Chekhov didn't move. Instead, she stayed in place and stared at Elena. Elena's movement quickly slowed until she seemed to cease all movement below the neck.
     "What the hell did you do to me?" Elena said. "I can't move my arms and legs! This is messed."
     Chekhov moved in quickly and wrapped her arms around Elena, followed by some absorb attack that involved some sucking or something. I couldn't tell what was happening.
     "Hey Elena!" Tseng yelled. "I know it sucks that you're losing, but well, this is HOT!"
     Elena smiled to Tseng, then looked back down at the creature slowly sucking away her being. "Hey Cheeky, this is hot and all, but you forgot something. You never paralyzed my head!" Elena lunged with her head and bit down on one of Chekhov's antennae. Chekhov released her grip on Elena and started flailing at Elena's head to get her to let go. Elena held strong with her teeth.  
     A few minutes of this flailing went on until Elena was standing on Chekhov's feet and holding several of her arms with her two hands.
     "Sorry Cheeky," Elena said. "Your stare wore off."
     Chekhov immediately stared at her again, but Elena was ready this time. She released her hold on all of Chekhov's hands and readied her hands, Three Stooges style. With no hesitation, the eye poking began. Two at a time, Elena jabbed her fingers into Chekhov's eyes. Her speed was outstanding and before Chekhov could rub her first set of eyes from the pain, Elena had poked all three sets of eyes. Elena stepped off of Chekhov's feet, allowing Chekhov to use all her extra arms to rub furiously at her eyes.
     "Elena!" The Turks all yelled. "Finish her!"
     Elena nodded at her comrades and ran up to the blind Chekhov. Elena spun around and unleashed a lethal roundhouse kick to Chekhov's head, knocking her off her feet. Before Chekhov could hit the ground, Elena continued her spin and side-kicked Chekhov in the chest, sending Chekhov flying into the opposite wall. Upon impact, Chekhov reverted to her human self as she lie unconscious on the ground. The Turks all started cheering, but were quickly interrupted by the furious Staniv.
     "Shut up! All of you," Staniv yelled. He pointed at Elena. "You! Get out of the ring." He pointed at Tseng. "You! Get in the ring."
     Tseng ran into the ring and faced his opponent.
     "Careful Tsengy!" Elena said. "Remember, that's Staniv of the fourth floor!"
     "No more wasting time," Staniv said. Tseng nodded in agreement. "Weapon Ch-"
     Tseng reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a handgun, and fired at Staniv, hitting him between the eyes. Staniv immediately fell over, and Tseng and the Turks started cheering uncontrollably.
     "Nice job dude!" Reno yelled. "I timed that shit. You took down Staniv of the fourth floor in negative two seconds! A new record!"
     "Tseng? Did you just kill Staniv?" I asked.
     "Nah, don't worry," Tseng said. "It was loaded with rubber bullets, so it just hurts like mad and possibly jostled his brain a bit. If he's lucky, it'll only be a coma."
     "You people are sick!" a new voice in the corner of the room said. The Turks stopped cheering to look at this strange, fat man. "I am Godo, and I own this pagoda. Why did you people come here and knock out or otherwise incapacitate my guards?"
     "We're here to stop your ruthless plan to takeover the world through useless merchandise and TV shows and whatnot," I said.
     And I'm here for the free popcorn.
     "Popcorn?" Godo asked.
     "Never mind that," I said. "Are you going to stop your plot to takeover the world, or do I have to stop you by force?"
     "I'm not trying to take over the world," Godo said. "The only people trying to conquer the world are those pathetic Shinras and their electric company. Wait a minute, are you Sephiroth?"
     "Yeah, why?"
     "He's blabbering Sephor," Tseng said. "I'll get 'im." Tseng pulled out his handgun and aimed it at Godo's head. He started to pull the trigger, when a yellow materia from the ceiling fell down at a high velocity and knocked the gun from his hand.  "Shit, Turks, retreat. We screwed up big." Tseng grabbed his gun and all four Turks raced out of the pagoda.
     Now, I was feeling about as clueless as Mother on a normal day. Once the Turks left, the thrower of the materia fell from the ceiling. It was none other than Yuffie.
     "Guys, we've been had," Yuffie said. "Well, you've been had. I've been trying to tell you, but catching up to you guys is tough. You move pretty quickly."
     Hey Sephy? Can I have that materia she threw?
     "No! Mine!" Yuffie yelled, diving on the yellow materia. "I love my Throw Materia. Yuk yuk yuk. It's so ironic. The only thing I could find to throw was the Throw Materia itself."
     "Can we move on?"
     "Yeah, right," Yuffie said, standing back up. "You guys've been had. Reeve's been had. Shin-Ra never stopped their stupid plan to pollute the world. They just led Reeve on to believe it stopped, then while Reeve was busy working on that Mythril Mine tunnel, they sent you -Reeve's only leverage on the situation- away on some stupid mission of no importance.
     "I thought Reeve and Rufus were friends now," I said.
     "They were, but once Rufus was offered the position of Mayor, that all changed. Now Shin-Ra is plotting to cover the world with a giant, never ending city that they'll control completely by putting up thousands of reactors all over the world and polluting the world. Then, they'll build a pollution control thing and reduce and raise the pollution level as they see fit. It'll be their way of keeping the world in fear of them."
     "I'm still trying to figure out why I'm going to help you," I said.
     "Well, this may be hard for your mommy to hear," Yuffie said. "Hojo is working with Shin-Ra, and well, her doggy and fishy have been taken hostage!"
     Edwardo! Sephy!
     "I'm right here Mother."
     Riiiight. I mean, Edwardo! Tiffany!
     "So what do we do first?"