Sephy? What should I do?
"Just hang out Mother," I said. "The
last thing I need is you running off and beating the hell out of Hojo until he
gives your precious wolf and goldfish back."
It seems like you're hinting at-
"Get your friken pets!" I yelled at
Mother. "Hojo's got your pets somewhere in the ship, go find him. Beat him
up, or annoy the hell out of him. Just go away for now while I kick the Turks'
asses."
Jenova ran past the Turks and past the Proud Clod 4.
She found a small hatch on the ship and stared at it for a few minutes. I really
didn't care. I'm just hoping nobody shoots her or anything.
"This is stupid, I think I'll just watch for
now," I said. "Go for it Pagoda Fighters."
"That's not our name!" Yuffie yelled at me.
"We're the umm... Well, okay, fine. We'll call ourselves the Pagoda Warriors
for now. But it's a temp name."
"Yo
Scarlet! You sho' you can work that machine?" Barret yelled at the Proud
Clod 4. "Cuz lemme tell you. You gonna have a hard time beatin' Dyne an'
me."
"Kya ha ha ha ha," the Proud Clod 4's
speakers laughed. "Oh don't tell me you're still sad about that widdle
incident years ago in that ghetto camp city."
"I like her," Marlene said, sitting on a box
on the ship, watching the fight. I don't remember seeing her get on the ship,
but whatever. "Hey Robo-Woman! Now make fun of how you killed his woman and
how she was the last black woman in the world and now the best he can do to keep
his race going is through several halfas with several different baby's
mommies!"
"Yo Marlene," Barret said. "There's
still more black people in the world, I'm not the only one."
"Jesus %#&^ing Christ! There's more of them?
Niggapapa! Why didn't you tell me sooner? I been all wearing dis sexified
clothing everywhere and carryin' da benjamins, and all this time I coulda been
raped and robbed by blacks peoples?"
"Yo I'm sick of dis shit. Marlene, just shut the
%#&^ up. Me an' Dyne are gonna kill Scarlet here and now. Right Dyne?
D-Dyne?"
Dyne just stood with a wide, firm stance, his eyes
narrowed and stared evily at the Proud Clod 4. Green limit lights shot out from
beneath him, and not just for a brief time. They were going and not stopping.
Scarlet didn't seem amused. The Proud Clod 4 bent its knees and fired a Knee Blend
attack out of its knees.
Out of its knees? I didn't see that one coming!
I'm not exactly sure what that attack did, but it
sure didn't hurt Barret, nor Dyne very much. Just some colorful powdery thing
hitting them in the face, making them cough a bit. Well, Barret coughed, but
Dyne was still standing all stoic-like with the limit lights going off. Barret
started blindly returning fire at the Proud Clod 4, but it was not very
effective.
The Proud Clod 4 counterattacked it with an Elbow Blend,
shooting bolts of electricity at them. Barret's hair became slightly more
afrolike and Dyne's became just stupid.
"Yo Dyne!" Barret yelled. "Hurry up and
fight back! I'm gettin' my ass handed to me!"
The Proud Clod decided to use its next attack before
Barret could return fire. It dropped its feet and used its Ankle Blend. Waves of
fire shot out at Barret and Dyne, singeing their faces slightly. As Barret
rubbed his face clean of the ashes, the Proud Clod dropped its hands and began
its Wrist Blend, shooting small blades of ice at Barret and Dyne. One cut Barret
across the cheek, and I'm pretty sure one of them was embedded in Dyne's eye.
"Kya ha ha ha ha!" Scarlet laughed. "You
two always were too damned persistent. Prepare for this one then!"
The Proud Clod 4's limbs moved wildly into position;
arms bent, knees up, toes pointed down, and hands down. It was beginning its
Joints Attack, but it was interrupted when the lights below Dyne suddenly
stopped.
"Enthaupten Sie!" Dyne yelled in his crazy
voice. His crazy voice was not heard very often. He used it primarily during his
rampage in the Gold Saucer back in the day. It was a freakishly demonic, high
yet waving in and out pitch, and frankly, it scared the shit out of Mother.
After maniacal laughter, a gigantic beam of fiery light shot out of his gunarm
and collided with the Proud Clod 4's neck region. The blast looked a lot like
Barret's Catastrophe, but Dyne was on the ground, so instead of firing in
midair, his feet just buried themselves into the hardwood floor of the ship's
decking. Finally a finishing blow was dealt when what looked like ten long javelin
looking metallic things shot from his gunarm, connecting with the Proud Clod 4's
neck. The impact was so sudden and powerful that the head of the Proud Clod 4
simply collapsed onto the body where the neck parts used to be, then rolled off
the back of it.
Everybody stood watching. I don't think anybody was
concerned with Scarlet crawling out of the head of the Proud Clod 4. Hell, I
think one of her tits popped out of her dress, but still, all eyes were on Dyne.
Even Marlene sat in silence.
"Y-yo, Dyne?" Barret asked.
"What's up Barret?" Dyne asked in a very
normal voice.
"N-nuthin. I was just gonna ask if uhh. Do you
speak German?"
"Ah, only a few words here and there, but I'm not
very good anyway."
"Yo Sephincher," Tseng broke in from behind
me.
I turned around. The Turks were standing over the
fallen Pagoda Warriors, including Yuffie. "Oh right, am I supposed to fight
you now?"
The Turks all nodded. Well, except for Reno. He was
facing the opposite direction, pissing off the side of the ship. But he still
gave a confirmation thumbs-up. I didn't really feel like kicking the Turks'
asses, but they were leaving me little choice. From the looks of things, Dyne
was exhausted from using that giant attack, Barret was calming Marlene down. I
couldn't tell if she was crying or just laughing really really hard. I mostly
believe the latter.
Now I was faced with a second issue. Scarlet was still
roaming around, as was Heidegger, and while I could take them down quickly and
easily, the Turks have called me out, and I'm hardly one to back down from a
fight.
Except that one time.
"There was no 'one time' Mother," I said aloud.
After receiving many odd looks, I decided to add to that. "I mean, can you
hold on Turks? I need to beat the hell out of Scarlet first."
"Yo Seph, I'll get her," Barret said.
"I'm not too hurt, just tired. I can still smack around that white
bitch."
"No!" a new voice from behind interrupted.
Everyone turned and saw Tifa walking down the pier. Aeris was standing behind
her by their escape boat from the cruise. "The bitch is mine! We started
something that never ended." Tifa cracked her knuckles.
"I'm game," Scarlet said, walking toward her.
They met at the ramp leading up to the ship, coming face to face. Only inches
separated them. "Whore."
Scarlet swung a wild slap at Tifa's face, but Tifa
moved amazingly quickly. She put one leg forward, the other back, and went down
to the floor doing the splits, then immediately popped back up just after the
slap had passed, and gave Scarlet a quick, hard gut punch. Needless to say,
Scarlet went down like a rock. Not even a snotty remark or an obnoxious laugh,
just a thunk as she hit the ground.
"So Tifa," I said. "If you remember your
feud with Scarlet, I'm guessing you have your memory back, right?"
Tifa nodded. "You wouldn't believe how much Aeris
tried to make out with me though. It was disgusting and profitable."
"Profitable?" I asked.
"Yeah, there are so many guys out there that are
dying to see chicks make out, so Aeris and I did once for cash purposes."
"How much you rake in?" Barret asked her.
"About four-million gil," she responded.
"Did you not notice? We aren't traveling in that tiny little boat. We just
can't drive our yacht into this tiny harbor."
"Damn that's a lot of money," Tseng said.
"We've tried things like that, but our biggest profit was only four hundred
bucks. And you wouldn't believe what Elena can do with a chocobo!"
"Hey Turks?" I said. "Let's fight now.
Not because we have to, but now I think I want to."
"Sounds good Sephson," Tseng said.
"Let's rumble." |
