|
Our escape looked like it'd be pretty simple. All the soldiers were running
around frantically. None of them knew what to do. Many ran off to the reactors,
then decided to double back to catch prisoners, then switched again to head to
the reactors. In the meantime, Cloud, Zack, Mother, and I were just waiting for
a few minutes. At the present time, there weren't even any soldiers left in the
room. It was so boring-
How boring was it!?
It was so boring that I decided to leave.
I don't get it.
"Let's go, Mother," I said. Cloud and
Zack started to walk with us, but I turned around and faced them. "Not you
two."
"Why the hell not?" Zack asked.
"Because I don't feel like setting myself up for a
quadruple-cross. No. No mercenaries sons of bitches are going with me and
Mother."
Mother and I.
"We're just going home, so there's nothing to
see. Leave us alone. And don't bother looking me up, my address isn't
listed."
Just look it up online! You can find ANYTHING on the
internet! I always write all of Sephy's personal information in my blogs.
"Hence why you'll never own a computer. Come on,
Mother."
Mother, Tiffany, Edwardo, and I left Cloud and Zack and
headed to the staircase. Luckily all the guards had cleared out already, so we
headed down in silence. That is, except for Mother, but when she's around the
word silence has no meaning.
Sephy, I'm bored. Skip to the good part.
Good part? Okay, Skipping ahead about seventy
floors down, we headed out of the building only to be met by the entire Shin-Ra
army. Every last one of them had his gun pointed at either me or Edwardo. I
don't think anybody expected Mother or Tiffany to make a break for it. At the
front of the army stood Heidegger and Scarlet. Both attempted to be
intimidating, but they just came off as fat and slutty respectively.
You mean 'respectfully.'
"What?" I asked Mother aloud. "No no
no." I pointed to Heidegger, "he's fat," I pointed to Scarlet,
"and she's slutty. I don't mean they're both fat and slutty."
Ah, I see, I see. Iiiinteresting.
You're not even paying attention anymore.
I know exactly what you mean.
"Let's go," I said to Mother. As I spoke,
about four-hundred soldiers cocked their guns and projected their rifles a
little further. Yes, they aimed harder, as odd as that may seem.
"You bunch of tits!" Heidegger yelled at the
men. "All four-hundred of you forgot to cock your guns before pointing them
at him!? Bunch of incompetent dumbasses! You all need to-"
The slowly approaching Turks finished Heidegger's
thought. "-get your heads out of yo momma's crotch and pay some goddamn
attention!"
"Guys, please," Heidegger said. "You're
undermining my integrity."
"Oh come on," Tseng said. "You've been
saying that shit for years. We've all heard it a billion times. Now listen, we
need to take care of Sephitar ourselves. Mind telling your guys to let him
through? Plans for him, you understand."
Reno, Elena, and Rude walked through the crowd of
soldiers casually, stopping every so often and ducking down into the crowd.
"'scuse me a minute, dude," Reno said to one
of the soldiers up front. He ducked down and started messing with the soldier's
shoe.
Reno, Rude, and Elena made their way over by Mother and I and
pulled us away from the soldiers and closer to Shin-Ra HQ.
"We're not letting him escape!" Heidegger
commanded the group. "We've waited too long for this moment. I won't let
some grudge you guys may have against him stop that. We're killing him right
here and taking back the creature for research. Gya ha ha!"
"Figured as much," Tseng said. He put his
arms around Heidegger and Scarlet and led them away from the group of soldiers.
"I understand all that, it's just that there's a slight problem with
that."
"Problem!?" Scarlet asked rudely.
"You're under direct orders to shut the hell up and let us kill him!"
"Yeah," Tseng said, pulling a one-button
remote out of his pocket. "Thing is, we're also under direct threats from
giant monsters. You might want to plug your ears."
All the Turks plugged their ears and Tseng pushed down
on the one-button remote's one button. Several spots in the group of soldiers
glowed red for about a half a second, then suddenly several explosions triggered
at once and combined into one massive explosion on the soldiers. The soldiers
flew all over the place, and while I couldn't tell, I guessed they all died.
"What the hell did you just do!?" Heidegger
demanded of Tseng.
"Relax, they were expendable," Tseng
explained. "Now if you don't mind, we're leaving."
"You bunch of faggots!" Heidegger yelled as
the Turks led us to the Ghetto Mobile that was parked only a short distance
away. "This monster had better be %#^@ing huge!"
"Oh for sure," Elena said.
"Yeah, at least twice as big as you,"
Reno said.
Rude opened the rear doors of the Ghetto Mobile and let
Mother, Edwardo, Tiffany and I climb inside. The Turks piled into the front and
we drove off; abandoning the actually quite disgusting scene of dead,
dismembered, and otherwise exploded bodies of four-hundred soldiers.
"You guys really were threatened, weren't
you?" I asked the Turks.
"Nah, not really," Reno answered.
"Emerald Weapon is actually quite a pussy when it comes to stuff like
threats. We were down on this job to like, make the Gelnika surface. We had no
clue how to do it, but we went down there and played cards for hours then
planned to just go back and tell Heidegger that we'd need more funding to do it,
when suddenly there's this knocking on the side of the Gelnika."
"That's the fatass cargo plane that crashed a long
time ago, right?" I asked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah. The Gelnika isn't a new thing, we
just haven't really cared about it until recently. Rufus has been active in a
lot of Shin-Ra politics anymore and one thing he demanded was that we spend less
money building new stuff and simply try to put old broken shit back together. Or
something like that. I guess. Anyway, there's this knocking, and it's Emerald
Weapon. The weirdo actually knocks. So he's all 'beg pardon, but I was wondering
if you could help me. We need to rescue Jenova from Shin-Ra, but we're really
not sure how to do it without slaughtering hundreds of innocent soldiers.' So we
tell him that if he'll get the Gelnika above water we'll do it for him."
"Didn't you just slaughter hundreds of innocent
soldiers?"
"Huh? Oh yeah. There was no avoiding it. No
biggie."
"So why didn't you want to blow up Heidegger or
Scarlet?" I asked.
"Then they'd stop paying us," Rude answered.
"I see. Okay. Fine by me. That's what I'd have
done anyway if you hadn't gotten there fast enough."
"So do you like, trust us now?" Tseng asked.
"Sure, why not?" I said.
"Whoa, really? Sweet. Somebody actually trusts us.
That's going in my blog for sure." |
