Stan the Evil One

     "Ah, shucks, Seph-roth," Cait Sith said. He looked as if he was either laughing or short circuiting. I hoped for the latter. "I's just foolin' with ya! Reeve picked up the dog an' fish a while ago. Yer ma knows you ain't got 'em. But they don't 'ave Marlene. We don't know where she might be."
     "Fine," I said. "Well I think the car'll still drive. Let's just take it to Super Whatever World and try to meet up with everybody so I can just go home."
     I walked to the car and got into the driver's seat, when I noticed Red and Cait Sith trying to get into the passenger's side.
     "Umm, hell no," I said. "Animals in the back."
     "Yeah, Red!" Cait Sith yelled.
     Red moaned, then turned around and walked to the bed in the back. He hopped in and curled up. I thought he was asleep. Well, more like I hoped. Still, Cait Sith didn't seem to take the hint, and the gigantic mooglecat was trying to crawl inside the car.
     "Nuh uh, no way," I said. "In the back. There's no way that fatass moogle is fitting up here."
     "But the back is a bad idea," Cait Sith said.
     "No discussion. In the back."
     "Arite, Seph-roth," Cait Sith said. He started to go back toward the bed of the car. Frankly, I was glad to be rid of everybody right now. I really didn't want anyone to talk t- "Aright, Seph-roth. Where we headed ta?"
     "What're you doing up here?" I asked. I didn't need an answer though, since sitting beside me was a cat with a megaphone. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the giant moogle. He wasn't a very calm guy. In fact, he was jumping around and beating the shit out of the sides of the car.
     "See?" Cait Sith said. "And ya thought my yellin' phone was useless. I have ta use it er else he goes all psycho on us all. He calls 'imself 'Stan the Evil One.' He's always angrier than a porcupine."
     "I see that," I said. I really didn't give a damn that he was beating the car up, and possibly Red as well. I drove off for Super Lucky World with one intention: get it over with. I don't like theme parks. Cait Sith seemed pretty psyched though. He bounced up and down and just watched as I drove on and on. I kinda felt like petting him, but I refrained myself by just picturing Reeve instead of the cat.
     The ride was exceptionally boring. I'm not sure if it was the length of the drive or just the endless jabbering of Cait Sith. Finally, as we drove through the dirt road around Mount Corel called "Gold Saucer Parkway," I looked out and saw it. The tall golden tower of the Gold Saucer.
     "They rebuilt the Saucer?" I asked Cait Sith.
     "Oh sure!" he responded. "It rally wasn't destroyed that much. Turns out the meteor yer momma dropped on it was movin' vary slow and only pushed it over. They had a hard time fixin' up cable cars and stuff, but they just pulled it right back up with the Highwind."
     I rolled down my window and looked out at the theme park as I drove through it. It was amazing how much of the old Corel reactor train tracks were now being used as roller coasters. It really made a lot of sense. I really never understood what that big mountain coaster was for if not a roller coaster. Still, I was skeptical about going on that ride since I know exactly how old and broken it was. It really didn't look like they'd fixed it at all. But they painted it, so I guess nobody has to know.
     Finally, there it was. The toll booth before the parking lot. There were about ten toll booths, and yet each one had about fifteen cars in the line. It was all cool with me though. I had nothing but time. All I really cared about was finding Mother and going home. Theme parks are dumb.
     Reeve on the other hand was psyched out of his mind. Cait Sith was bouncing on the seats talking his head off about what rides he was going to ride.
     "Hey, Reeve," I said to Cait Sith. "How much does parking cost? Like 1000 gil?"
     "I dunno," Cait Sith said.
     It didn't matter. We were next in line, so I decided to just wait and find out. I pulled out roughly 1000 gil and pulled up to the toll booth.
     "Hi," the lifeless girl working the toll booth muttered. "15000 gil."
     "F-fifteen thousand!?" I yelled at her. "Jesus! What, does it come with a complimentary lap dance!?"
     I handed her the money and watched her stick some ticket under my windshield wiper. "You can leave the park once," the girl said. "After that and you have to pay again. Have a nice day."
     I felt bad for that sixteen-year old girl. She was just doing her job, but I still felt the need to nearly take her arm off as I speed away from the toll booth and headed for the gigantic parking lot. There was some jackass in the middle of the road telling people where to park. As if we couldn't tell ourselves. He wasn't paying attention anyway. He was too busy dicking around with the handheld walkie talkie. Just to piss him off, I parked sideways across four parking spots and stepped out of the car. Cait Sith followed me out my door and Red jumped out of the back of the bed of the car and the three of us started walking toward a tram stop, when suddenly I noticed something awkward.
     "Hey, Cait Sith," I said. "Where the hell is your moogle thing? Stan or whatever?"
     "Oh crap! I dunno!" Cait Sith yelled. He started looked around frantically.
     "He left," Red XIII said. "While you were waiting in line at the toll booth he jumped out the back and started beating on cars."
     "So let's go find him!" Cait Sith ordered.
     "I think a truck hit him," Red XIII said.
     Cait Sith climbed onto Red's back and pulled out his megaphone. "LET'S GO FIND HIM!" Cait Sith yelled through his megaphone, right into Red's ear. He then hit him over the head with the megaphone. It wasn't long before Red decided to just obey the mechanical cat and the two left to go find the remains of Stan the Evil One.
     Frankly, the absence of these two thrilled me. If parking cost that much, then there was no way I was going to pay for them. Now all I had to worry about was my own admission ticket, which would probably cost me an arm and a leg.
     Do you suppose they'll give me a discount for having no arms and legs?
     There she was. Mother was waiting by the tram stop eating some jerky. The surprising thing about all of this was that she had no animals with her.
     Reevey decided it was best to just punch a box full of holes and mail them home.
     I love Reeve. I only wish I'd thought of that before. After all, Mother likes pets if they're alive or dead, so whatever state they're in when we get home should be fine.
     The tram arrived and both Mother and I boarded with about four billion other people. I was practically hanging out the side of the tram while I listened to the moron in back spiel.
     "Good afternoon and welcome to Super Lucky World. While in our theme park, please enjoy our vast array of attractions. We have roller coasters, themed rides, and plenty of food at highly inflated prices. In fact, if I ate the food you'll have to eat in the theme park as my lunch, I may as well not come to work because eight hours of work at minimum wages could barely pay for one meal here..."
     Sephy. I want cotton candy.
     "For what?" I asked. Before you criticize me for asking such a stupid question, just wait for her answer.
     A hat.
     She was serious. She loves to wear cotton candy as a hat. Something about how once it starts to melt it forms a nice layer of sugar on her head. I hate when she does it because eventually her whole head is covered in bees.
     Finally our tram reached the front gates, where we encountered some of the longest lines we thought we'd ever see. We were wrong.