The Gag Reflex

     Mother and I stood in line for out tickets. It was taking forever. And I'm pretty sure every line that wasn't ours was moving faster. I didn't want to switch though, since I know my line would move the second I got out. I tried to amuse myself with tactics like tapping my foot, whistling, and tapping my foot while whistling, but nothing was working. I couldn't take it. Theme parks are for children and queers.
     "Sephiroth!" Dyne yelled. Apparently he had just arrived and was looking to cut in line. I would've let him in, but Dyne never travels alone.
     "Sephilis!" Marlene yelled. "Whatchu up to, holmes?"
     "Go back to hell," I said to Marlene. "You too, Dyne. I'm just having a quiet afternoon at whatever gay-wad theme park this is, then I'm going home."
     "Aww, you's trippin'!" Marlene yelled as she moved under the handrail and stood next to me. Dyne and Barret both joined her by hopping over the handrail. I thought there were people behind me, and if there were, chances are they were crushed under the giants hopping the handrail.
     "Yo, Seph. Whatchu doin' at Super Lucky World?" Barret asked me.
     "Well, Mother and I are part owners of this place," I said.
     "And you waitin' in line!?"
     "Hey! You're right. Why I waitin' in line? I mean, why am I waiting in line?"
     I walked through the line and started pushing people out of the way. Mother followed right behind, followed by Barret, Dyne, and Marlene. Apparently they thought they got to go straight in as well. I made our way past the ticket booths and straight into the view of the most unenthusiastic picture taker on the planet.
     "Stand together," he said dryly.
     "No," I said firmly, but not firmly enough since several hands pulled me back into the shot. Marlene posed like Richard Nixon while Barret and Dyne stood on either side of me, holding me in place. Each of them has one good hand, and let me tell you, they are very strong hands. When you have them both on either shoulder, there's no chance of getting away. I decided to just stand as menacingly as possible. Mother was in the picture too, but I can never exactly tell what she's doing. She can't exactly do much anyway. Then, without warning, he snapped the picture and mentioned something about how we can buy it when we leave the park for like, half our life savings.
     Let's ride Superprimo-X!
     "We're not in the park yet," I said. I pointed to a row of about a thousand of my worst enemies: metal detectors. The only people that looked more nervous than I about the metal detectors were Barret and Dyne. And what waited at the metal detectors? Yep. More lines. Luckily, I killed someone in front of the line. Suddenly people let us through. Go figure.
     I walked through the metal detector and watched as the lights flashed. I showed security my masamune. "Don't worry, I own this place kinda."
     The guards shrugged and let me through. Next through was Dyne. The lights flashed again for Dyne. The five security guards watched as he walked through.
     "He's fine," Guard A said. "Hey guys, I'm goin' on a break."
     "Okay, Doug!" the rest of the guards yelled to him.
     Next through was Barret. The lights once again flashed.
     "Freeze!" all the security guards yelled. Even Doug came running back and dove on the ground. They all pulled their handguns out and pointed them at Barret.
     "Get on the ground! Now! Slowly!" Guard B ordered Barret. Guard C radioed for backup.
     "Hey guys?" I said to the guards. Nobody answered. "Guys! He's cool! He's with me!"
     "Stay out of this, sir!" Doug said to me.
     Marlene walked through the metal detectors and the lights flashed once again. She walked up to Barret and put a switchblade knife in his back pocket. As if they cared about a tiny knife when he has a machine gun grafted onto his arm.
     "He's got a knife!" Marlene yelled.
     "He's Mr. T!" Dyne yelled to them.
     Suddenly with the mention of Mr. T, the group of guards calmed down.
     "Dude, sorry about that," Guard D said to Barret. "We didn't know. I can't believe I didn't notice though! I LOVE the A-Team!"
     Barret looked at Dyne with an odd expression. The kind of look that seemed like they'd done this before. "Hey, foo!" Barret said to the guards in about the worst Mr. T impression I've ever heard. "Use 1-800-Collect! And umm, I'm too old for this shit!"
     "Ka-Danny Glover," Dyne coughed quickly.
     "Enjoy your day, sir," Guard E said to Barret. He turned to the group of guards. "Well, I suppose I should go on lunch now."
     "Us too," the guards all said.
     I decided to leave this group of retarded guards alone and decided to go wait in the next line. The line to use the same ticket that we just supposedly purchased. Not that I'm a tree-hugger or anything, but I swear there's a simpler way of doing this that doesn't involve a ticket at all. We continued on through the long line where there were employees tearing tickets. It was once we got through the gates that I noticed that all the guards that were supposedly on lunch were following us. They even stopped when we stopped.
     "Dis ain't new," Barret said. "Racial profiling %$@^s."
     Sephy! Look! It's B-E-A-F-Utiful!"
     "Nice spelling, Mother," I said. Nonetheless, I decided to look around. It was actually, very very very boring. The entrance was themed to be well, if I'm not mistaken, the city of Corel. Not a theme, but the actual city. A man in overalls stepped out of his tent and walked to a boiling pot of water and started cooking his breakfast. He scratched himself often and smoked while he made his food.
     The animatronics are awesome!
     "Big word, good job," I said. "Too bad that's not animatronic. He's a guy."
     "Yeah, dat's Bubs!" Barret said.
     "What the hell is this shit!?" Dyne yelled.
     Both Barret and Dyne seemed to be very furious as they ran off and completely abandoned us. The guards on their "lunch" all ran after Barret and Dyne.
     "They always do this at theme parks," Marlene said.
     I studied the moment for a moment.
     Huh?
     I was thinking.
     Oh.
     Now, I don't perceive myself as a genius, but since I watched as Barret and Dyne ran "angrily" away that they went straight into the candied apples building, and now I was standing with my two favorite people: Mother and Marlene.
     "You made it!" a voice yelled from behind me.
     I didn't need to turn around. I knew it was Aeris.
     "I knew you'd come!" Aeris nudged me. "Couldn't stay away from the after-hours thing, eh?"
     "Can we just get this theme park business over with?" I asked.
     Let's go on The Digestive System!
     "Let's not."
     "Oh, I've got a great ride!" Aeris said a bit too enthusiastically for my liking. "It's one of the most pukeariffic rides on the planet! It's called 'The Gag Reflex!'"
     "You guys are making these rides up, right?" I said hopefully.
     "Gag Reflex!" Marlene screamed as she took off running toward some very very tall ride.
     Aeris threw her arm around me and led me toward the ride. Mother was running quickly to catch up to Marlene. I think both of them planned to cut in line, but I really don't care. If we get thrown out of the park for cutting, I'd be very happy. 
     As it turned out, neither Mother nor Marlene were cutting. They were waiting at the back of the line playing those girly hand games.
     "Mother, where'd you get the hands?" I asked.
     Well, she wasn't USING them.
     Mother and Marlene have an altered perception of 'girly hand game.' I don't know who's hands these are that they stole, but it sicked me out.
     They're not REAL hands, Sephy. Like, duh! What do you think we are? Gross? These are souvenirs from that ride over there. The anal fist. Talk about a cleanly ride. And look how clean-
     "I'll let you keep those souvenirs on one condition: we never go on The Anal Fist."
     Ummmmm. Okay.
     "Good, now let's get on this ride."
     I pushed through the freakishly long line. Some people just yelled at me as we cut through while others pushed me back. Those people wound up injured or dead. Finally we made it to the front of the line just in front of the station. A group of people were just stepping off the ride. They were all of varying ages, genders, and nationalities, yet every last one of them threw up all over the place. The attendants all wore giant yellow hazmat suits and had big hoses to spray down the deck after the people puked. It made me really excited to go on this ride.
     Me too, Sephy!
     "Still haven't learned sarcasm, Mother?"
     Nope. Just Spanish.
     The gates opened and we stepped inside. The attendant stopped me.
     "I'm sorry, sir," he said. "Your creature and the little girl aren't tall enough to ride."
     "Don't worry," I said. I pulled a document out of my trench coat and showed it to him. "My Mother is exempt from any rules pertaining to her own safety and all injuries or deaths that she may sustain are not grounds for any legal action against any people or places of business."
     "Oh. What about the girl then?"
     "She's got one too," Barret said as he stepped through the gates holding a similar document out in front of him.
     "Okay. Enjoy your ride then."
     Aeris, Marlene, Mother, Barret, Dyne, and I all stepped onto the ride. It was creepy. It was a metallic box with dirty windows. The tracks were all on the outside of the box. We were all strapped into shoulder restraints on the walls and told to hold on.