Smashing Gil

     The box ride started crawling upward at a very slow speed with constant clanking noises outside from the rusted over controls. As it went up I was able to watch the majority of the ride unveil itself, and I suddenly knew why this ride had a high, upper one-hundred percents, chance of people vomiting afterwards. It looked like the ride was your standard freefall thing where it takes you up really high and drops you, but this one also spun like a top on the way down. The tracks spiraled all the way back to the bottom.
     OMG Sephy! This ride is so awesome! Look at the race tracks! They spin!
     "I think I want off," Dyne said.
     Barret and I both agreed, but Mother, Marlene, and even Aeris were all still crazy for this ride.
     "I hope I puke until I'm skinny!" Aeris declared.
     "I hope I puke until I have huge knockers," Marlene declared.
     "I hope this thing has an emergency exit," I declared.
     I hope I remembered to turn the oven off before I left the car. Umm, Jenova declared.
     Before anybody else could declare anything, the box moved out toward the spiral and slowly started spinning around. It wasn't so bad really. That is, not until momentum kicked in.
     Stupid Momentum!
     The box gradually picked up speed. It went around and around and around and around until we were probably spinning a good 50 mph in a circle while spiraling downward. Marlene spat to see where it would land, but luckily it flew right back to her and got all over her face. It was a good loogie too. Mother attempted to spit until she realized (or not) that she had no saliva glands.
     I've got a gland for you right here!
     I tried shutting my eyes so that I wouldn't get all dizzy and nauseous, but lord knows that didn't work. We were suddenly entering into: The Puke Zone.
     Is that like the Twilight Zone?
     The puke zone was this label that passed by the windows. It was written in blur so that people going four billion miles per hour in a circle could read it. I take it that once you enter the puke zone there's a 100% chance that you will puke. In fact, a second sign said just that. "100% chance of puke." Just as my stomach was churning and my neck lurched from the eminent vomit, the ride stopped. I'm talking super suddenly. The shitty things holding us in snapped off and we all flew toward the center of the box and bashed heads.
     "Ouch! I think I ran into Niggapapa's nutsack!" Marlene exclaimed as she rubbed her head. Apparently we didn't all bash heads. "I'd better not have a nut indent in my head now. That'd be sick."
     "Speaking of sick, why am I not skinnier?" Aeris asked. "Why did we stop? Why didn't we all puke?"
     I looked out the window to see what the problem was. All I saw was a bunch of employees freaking out. One girl was on the ground while somebody fanned her. It looked like she'd fainted for some reason. I wondered if the ride was about to crash or something. That would've sucked. Finally, I saw the reason for our sudden stop. The ride operators were yelling at somebody or somebodies to move out from under the ride or something.
     It was sombodies. Plurals. I know this because it was-
     "Don't jump the plot, Mother!" I yelled. I quickly repaired the fourth wall and watched to see what was happening. I saw a coin flip right passed my window, then right back down as four recognizable suited figures emerged from underneath our ride.
     "Sepher!" Tseng yelled to me. The four Turks walked out from under our ride and casually found the ride controls that released the emergency brakes. We started spinning slowly again until we reached the bottom. We didn't go very fast since we were almost at the bottom as is. The doors slid open and Barret, Dyne, and I jumped out to safety. The other three stayed in and hoped to ride again. They got their wish too, because Elena smiled and pushed the button. The ride started climbing back up. I could hear the cheers from inside the ride.
     "What're you guys doing here?" I asked the Turks.
     "You mean 'here' as in Super Lucky World? Or 'here' as in The Gag Reflex?" Tseng inquired.
     "Bit of both."
     "We're here at Super Lucky World because we absolutely love causing mayhem at theme parks. We're at The Gag Reflex because we were trying to smash gil. Ever had a gil crushed by a train or something?"
     "This ride isn't a train," I said.
     "Yeah, but I heard this ride spins so fast that it not only crushes a gil, but it also has a very high chance of shooting out after smashing the gil and decapitating somebody. I had a bet with Reno that it couldn't decapitate somebody, but would only put a very large hole in him."
     "It was a one gil bet," Reno said, flipping the gil in his hand. "Which remind me!" Reno ran forward and stuck the gil onto the bottom of the track as the ride had finally reached its peak and had started to spiral down. He then pulled a couple more gil out of his pocket and put them on the track.
     "Trying to cheat?" Tseng asked.
     "Nah, just making sure it'll hit somebody," Reno said as he stuck his hands in his back pockets and started walking back casually. "I put four gil. I'm sure one of those will hit somebody. The bet's off if nothing hits."
     "Good point," Tseng said. He turned his attention to me. "So Sephika, where you headed next? The Gag Reflex is boring."
     "Home if I'm lucky," I said sarcastically.
     "Nah, dude," Reno said. "You've got to come with us and take a trip up the Brown Booty River."
     I didn't even want to think what that might mean. I pretended to not hear him, but the Turks never care if anyone's listening. They just talk.
     "I dunno what the ride is really called, but it's this pirate themed ride, and the water is all brown and stuff. It's awesome. We're preferred riders there."
     "It's The Search For Captain Longfellow's Booty," Elena piped in.
     "Yeah, that's it," Reno said. He watched The Gag Reflex for a second. "Moment of truth!" he exclaimed as the ride neared the bottom.
     The ride hit the gil and four coins sparked beneath the ride as they shot out. Two went straight into the ground and did nothing, but one found its way to the crowd and nailed a guy right in the throat. His head instantly flipped off his neck and rolled through the line where several people screamed and jumped out of the way of the rolling head.
     The last coin shot directly at the group of Turks. I couldn't tell exactly where the coin went, but apparently it was headed straight for Elena's forehead. Lucky for her, Rude's hand shot out at the same speed as the coin was flying and he caught the coin just inches in front of her. Elena acted like nothing happened. In fact, I'm pretty sure I was the only person that was shocked at Rude's hand/eye coordination.
     "Guess you win, Tseng," Reno said. He looked at Rude. "Dude, pay the man."
     Rude moved his clenched fist over to Tseng's open palm and dropped the smashed coin into his hands.
     "I threw up Cheetos!" Marlene declared as she staggered off the ride.
     "I'm a little thinner now!" Aeris declared.
     I lost my lunch!
     "Well where'd you leave it last?" I asked.
     Oh, that's right. I didn't bring a lunch. I wanted to buy a 4000 gil cheeseburger that tastes like shit.
     "Well, I'm gonna head off with the Turks, so Barret, you can take Marlene and Dyne and go off on your own," I said. I looked over my shoulder. "B-Barret?" I turned around. The only person behind me was Marlene. Waving.
     "So where are we going now?" Marlene asked me.