|
This morning was quiet. In fact, everything was relatively
quiet in Mother's Fortress. I don't know how or why,
but it is. I guess since she destroyed anything within
a -let's say- several mile radius, there isn't a ton
of noise that comes from the outside world. And from
the inside world, I only have to worry about Mother and
the Trio. When the Trio is asleep, everything is quiet.
Except when Mother tries to kill an invisible mouse with
a frying pan.
I know he's there, Sephy! So you keep yer thoughts
to yourself!
"If only," I mumbled. I flew out of my
volcano-like room and landed to walk the rest of the
way to the kitchen. I know I could fly the whole way,
but believe it or not, it takes a lot more effort to
fly than walk. While mother wailed away at the tiles
of her floor with the best frying pan in the kitchen,
I started to make her breakfast: peanut-tacos.
You remembered!
They weren't exactly the easiest food to make,
nor eat, since peanuts fall right out of the taco shells.
But I put some sour cream in, too, and that held the
peanuts in place nicely. Like most of Mother's food,
she opted not to eat it. She can't digest food, and it's
all but impossible for her to physically eat. So instead,
she will offer this meal to the Trio or me. I declined
the offer.
A very sleepy Kadaj stumbled into the kitchen, eating
the rest of his battery. I forgot to mention, if you
lose at a board game that you played with Mother, you
are forced to eat a battery. And you aren't allowed to
eat anything else until you finish your battery. It's
like a mother who tells her children to eat their vegetables
or they can't have ice cream, only our mother is the
stupid kind of crazy.
The very second that Loz and Yippie walked into
the room, Mother hopped up from her chair and threw a
deck of cards on the table.
"A game?" I asked. "Again?"
You betcha! Today's game: hearts!
The Trio quickly assembled around three of
the four sides of our square breakfast table, leaving
a seat beside Kadaj and Yippie. They both began frantically
patting my chair for me to sit down. I want you, the
reader, to picture this properly now. Two sleep-deprived,
crazy, teenager-looking boys wearing all black patting
a chair for me to join them, all the while, battery acid
is dripping from their lips and a half-crunched battery
is flicking from one cheek to the other. Only an idiot
would take that offer.
So you sat down.
I sat down. Don't judge me. It's my payment
for all the luxuries in my new life. But I'm not too
idiotic. I still put a towel down before I sat. I saw
the battery drool drip onto my chair. I will not sit
in it. I will accept defeat when my chair inevitably
breaks from being worn down by battery acid, but I will
not sit in it.
Loz dealt us each 13 cards to play Hearts. Again,
we don't play with one-hundred percent of the rules correct.
Yes, each heart is still worth 1 point, and yes, the
Queen of Spades is still worth 13. We have one entertaining
rule, where each of us has to try to make the person
to our left take all the points. So, since Yabadabadoo
was to my left, I would only win once he exceeds 100
points, while Kadaj will make me try to get 100 points.
Oh, and one more thing: we have trump cards. Normal hearts
is played where highest card of the same suit as played
takes the trick, but in ours, the jokers and how-to-play
cards trump all else. Those cards are Mother's. She's
our fifth player. So basically, we try to play a slightly
altered version of Hearts, but Mother is allowed to jump
into the game and throw down a trump at any point. And
when she does so, we trade our hands with the person
to our left. It's... confusing.
Stop thinking!
"If only," I said. I was first to play,
so I put down the two of clubs. Apparently, playing the
suit 'clubs' reminded Mother that there was an invisible
rat in the room.
That sombitch is 'round here somewhere! Kabong!
Today, Mother will be killing a non-existant
being as a cartoon character from the late fifties and
early sixties.
El Kabong is my hero.
"Don't you mean Quick Draw McGraw?" I
asked.
Do I ever mean what you say?
"My mistake. You love El Kabong. Not Quick
Draw." I played a spade, which drew out the Queen
of Spades held by Ya-Ya, forcing him to take 13 points.
This was great for me.
"I 'on't 'hink I 'an 'it ano'er ba'ery in my
mouff," Ya-Ya said. I ignored him as always. I was
too busy watching the cards fall. The suit was hearts,
and I was going to do my best to make Yuh-Huh take yet
another group of points. But then...
BAM! Joker trumps all!
"Damn," I said, slamming my fists on the
table.
Oh come on, Sephy. Why so serious?
"I refuse to eat batteries, that's why."
"What is this word 'refuse,'" Kadaj asked.
"Nothing. Shut up and eat your battery,"
I told him sternly.
Mother took her cards she "won" and returned
to the floor. We never know who starts the next trick
when this happens, so I started by putting down a four
of diamonds. Play went on for a strangely long amount
of time without interuptions. I'd say a whole minute,
even! The current round ended, Loz shuffled the cards
poorly, and redealt the cards. That's about all we had
time for before the next interuption. Kadaj played the
two of clubs, and as I reached for my ace, a frying pan
hit my foot. The pain was excrutiating. I jumped up on
my one good foot, flipping the table over in the process.
It landed on Loz, and it was a heavy, glass table. I
would've laughed had it not been for the probably broken
foot I had.
Goodness gosh, Sephy! That mouse was right on
your foot. I thought to myself, "hey, if you just
hit the mouse, his foot probably won't even feel it!"
But wouldn't you know it, the little bugger moved!
"That's it, Mother!" I shouted
angrily. I was in a lot of pain. "I've had it with
this crap! I'm done with this! I'm grabbing my things
and moving out immediately!"
But but but... But what if I destroy the world?
"I don't care about the world! I care
about my foot!" I flew to my room, since about the
only time flying is a better option than walking is if
walking requires the use of a frying-pan-smashed foot.
I really couldn't figure out why I was taking this injury
so hard. It's not like I haven't had worse. But for some
reason, this was the final straw.
Come back, Sephy! I'll buy us more straw! Tons
of it! I'm loaded with that "money" stuff!
"Isn't everybody that has ever
had an 'all' materia?" I yelled from my room's entrance.
As I looked around my room, I saw...nothing.
Nice looking, stupid!
It took me a while to figure out why I was blacking
out. It wasn't the pain.
Yes it was.
It really wasn't. You see, Mother is able to
manipulate anything that involves my brain. You know...everything.
Anything I can think or do or sense, she can make happen.
It really sucks. Apparently, she decided to go the route
of sensory deprivation. I could not see. I could not
hear. I could not taste (though I'm not sure how I knew
that without tasting anything). I could not feel, though
that might've mostly been because my foot had gone completely
numb. But I could smell. I wasn't sure why until
it finally hit me.
WHAM!
I could now smell a familiar smell: burning flesh.
I kind of which it wasn't so familiar. But either way,
I knew what it was. By the smell of it, something hairy.
You're too good at that.
"I really am," I said. My senses returned
to me slowly. As the world slowly came into focus, I
saw the burning carcass on a plate on my bed. Mother
was standing beside it. The carcass was... umm...
Say it.
Invisible.
Good boy.
I could see the fire, and it was definitely
a small animal, but it was definitely invisible. If I
were to guess, I'd say a mouse. As I watched it burn,
I noticed the card beside it that said "Mama loves
Sefirith." It looks stupid, but when your mother
is, well, Mother, it's kind of like when your four-year
old child writes something heartfelt in poorly spelled,
backwards letters. "I'm sorry, Mother."
And you're sorry too.
"I'm sorry, too," I corrected
her.
You said that already. But it's okay, Sephy.
I forgive you. Now, eat your dinner.
"Wait, you're not sorry? For breaking my foot?"
Use a cure spell, you big baby! :P
"No emoticons, Mother," I said. "But
anyway, I'm not going to eat a burnt invisible rat."
Mouse.
"Whatever. I'm not eating it."
That's not your dinner, silly!
"Then what is?" I asked, stupidly.
It is important to never ask questions like these.
Like, duh, Sephy. You walked away from a game!
Quitting equals losing, losing equals.... wait for it...
a battery!
Mother presented me with a fresh new battery.
I hesitantly put it in my mouth, got a quick shock from
it, then held it carefully in my mouth until Mother left
the room. I spit the battery out onto the bed, when I
noticed that the plate of burnt rat-
Mouse.
Plate of burnt mouse used to be, along with
my sweet card from Mother. Neither were there. But I
watched Mother leave, so I know she didn't take them.
I searched my room for secret passages, assuming one
of the Trio snuck in to steal it, but I figured it out
eventually. Much as she had deprived me of my senses,
well, four of them, Mother made me think I saw a plate
with a burning invisible mouse on it, complete with a
Hallmark style card with a message from Mother.
I always give the best in my images. Only Hallmark
will do.
I was up for a grand total of twenty minutes
today. I think I'm ready to sleep again.
|
