So a few days ago, Flo heard that Big O was coming to Balamb.

(Big O is sexy times a hundred!)

Right. Anyway, she's a big fan of his and since she wasn't sure if he was coming to FH, she wanted to see him while he was still relatively close by.

(Sexy times a thousand!)

Don't push it, woman. So I looked into tickets and stuff, and I ended up getting a call from my old buddy from High School, Laguna Loire. He said that he was also going to Balamb for the concert and that we should meet up there.

(Sexy times a MILLION!)

DAMMIT WOMAN! DO I NEED TO GET THE CANE?

(I'm sorry. I'll shut up.)

Anyway, Laguna got Flo and I some tickets. He also said some rather cryptic things like "It'll be DA BOMB!" and "Odine will surely give an EXPLOSIVE show" and "Shit's going to blow up all over the place" and also "Bring a helmet. Seriously."

So Flo and I went to Balamb--bringing along helmets, though we still didn't know why. Flo wouldn't shut the hell up no matter how much I beat he--...... beat it into her head that she should be quiet.

(I still have bruises from that "stern talking to" you gave me.)

Behold the power of words. Anyway, I met up with Laguna and we talked about stuff and it was a good time. Then the show started and Laguna disappeared for awhile. If you didn't hear the news, you definitely heard the explosions as Laguna and his friends attacked the stage dressed as Garden Staff Members. They threw grenades and did other violent things that normally I'd be opposed to, but since I really don't like that Odine fellow...

(I DO! HE'S SEXY!)

FLO! DAMMIT, SHUT UP!

(.....whatever.....)

Since Odine gets on my nerves with his horrible rhymes and terrible music, I turned the other cheek, you might say. As I was busy looking elsewhere, ignoring the carnage on stage, I noticed something odd fall out of one of Odine's bags. Namely a an unmarked bottle that, after checking with Dr. 
Kadowaki, seems to be an incredibly powerful pheromone.

(That was the sexiest bottle I've ever seen!)

It only seems to affect women, and somehow can work even through televisions and radios. It seems that, once someone has been liberally doused with this substance, anything they say, do, try to do, everything, becomes instantly sexy and somewhat addictive. I theorized that Odine has been drenching himself in this, thus explaining his rampant popularity among women, despite his utter lack of talent.

(Don't you dare say that the Captain of Sex, Big O, lacks talent!)

There seems to be no antidote right now, but Dr. Kadowaki and I--

(I'll tell you who lacks talent! You do!)

Hold on. What the hell are you blabbering about now, woman?

(Unless you think "talent" means finishing in less than a minute, rolling over, and falling asleep. In that case, you have an incredible amount of talent)

Well maybe it would be more interesting if you did something besides just lay there and talk about Odine.

(A girl's allowed to have her fantasies.)

YOU SCREAM HIS NAME IN BED!

(AND YOU TOUCH YOURSELF WHEN YOU LISTEN TO THOSE OLD JULIA CARAWAY CD'S!)

I DO NOT! I HAD AN ITCH!

(FOR TWENTY MINUTES?)

I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS! I'm leaving! I'm gonna lock this goddamn door and burn this whole damn hotel down with you in it!

(FINE!....... Okay, he's gone. I'm in the Balamb Hotel, room number 5. I'll leave the door unlocked. Wear your SeeD uniform and bring some wine. Underwear is optional.)