So the women I’m with aren’t too bright, in case you haven’t noticed, but even they’re smart enough to realize that when a school is in chaos, Seifer is attacking people, a cult is running around screaming nonsense, and there’s no sound stage, odds are, your favorite rapper isn’t about to perform. Selphie and I got away in the van, but we lost the other girls. The cult got Creepy Girl by promising her horses. Sorta Ugly was killed by a falling beam. And the cult got Big Boobs by… I don’t remember. I think they promised her shiny things and we just never saw her again.

Anyway, Selphie and I got back to Balamb just in time for THE FREAKING ORGY YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT! How could you! How could you plan an orgy and not tell me about it???? Naturally, I tried to get in on the action, but everyone keeps saying that they “aren’t in love” with me. Then they go get freaky with ugly-ass people while I sit alone.

THAT’S NOT FAIR! I wanted an orgy! I even asked for that for Christmas!

Anyway, I managed to get a few answers from Dr. K and Mayor Dobe, when they weren’t busy with… other things. It seems that “the air is safe to breathe now,” and “anyone who was off the island or in a cave or away from the open air when the stage exploded should be unaffected,” whatever that means. I know it has something to do with you! You planned an orgy and didn’t tell me! I bet you’re getting freaky RIGHT NOW!

I hate you,

Blue balls Irvine.