Hey Squall,

Something really funky happened. So Laguna told you we rigged the stage at Balamb with explosives right? Well, some sexy piece of man (Dobe) put some serious shit on the stage, and our bombs went off and put it into some seriously sexy effect. In a matter of a few very sexy seconds, every single very sexy person on the continent of Balamb began doing each other, it was one seriously sexy orgy. 

I can't really recall the sexually magnificent days of sex that went on very well,
because I was too busy getting it on with every last sexy person I saw. I was incredibly and sexually popular, apparently there are not a lot of black men on this hunk of a planet. After talking with the super sexy Dr. K in bed, I learned that the god of sexiness, Dobe set up a super pheromone that affects everyone they see, including themselves and that the hot bomb we set off put that sexy shit off everywhere in Balamb. 

Even the monsters have been affected, not a soul has been attacked by them cause those seriously sexy monsters have been getting it on all over the damn place. Monster numbers have already increased by some 10 times.

Well, as far as things go, we still have no idea how to stop the sexiness, I was only able to even send this e-mail because I managed to screw my way into the Garden and into a classroom, where I managed to write this e-mail while I did some kinky teachers. Now If you don't mind, I'm off to go do a few hundred people around Garden, and maybe me a few times too..

~Currently screwing one of your staff, 

Kiros