Rebel Rebel

     Your kids are soooo rebellious --How rebellious are they!?-- They're so rebellious, they come to class tardy for no reason. Yes, it's true. Not a single reason. On several occasions, I've seen this situation:

     Kids start coming into class. Then one kid (usually a boy) comes in halfway, says "WE HAVE A SUB!?" as if the world ended, then shouts out the door "WE HAVE A SUB!" to a group of kids outside. That same kid will not re-enter the class until about two minutes after the bell. He will intentionally pick a desk that is not his own. And then, he will switch seats in the middle of class to be by his friends. Why? Because he's a rebel!

     The worst part about this is that some classes (get this) have windows and I can see what you did instead of coming to class on time. You know what some kids do? It isn't talk. It isn't making up their next big musical number. Nope, they do absolutely nothing. Most of the time, kids just enjoy the thrill of being bad. But seriously, how is being tardy being "bad?" Somebody please tell me. Do the other students look up to him? Like, "Wow, look at Jacob. What a guy. He was tardy because he wanted to be tardy! I'd love to have his babies." And you know what the kicker to all of this is? By the time they come in, I've taken roll, so when they enter, I have a good guess who they are. "Are you Jacob?" "Yep." And then, I mark Jacob tardy on the roll sheet. And now for an actual conversation/situation (paraphrased):

     A boy, Jacob we'll say, is walking around and happens to glance at my roll sheet. He sees a "T" by his name, meaning he was tardy and actually has the gall to say, "Hey, did you mark me tardy!?"
     "What's your name?" I ask, even though I knew his name. He tells me his name and I pretend to look at the roll sheet. "Yep, I did."
     "Why?" he asks. Again, I don't know why.
     "Because you were tardy." I'm trying my best not to do any "here's your sign" jokes.
     "Nuh uh!"
     "Were you in class when the bell rang?"
     "Yeah, I was!" he says. And it's true, he was. But you know what he did the very second the bell rang? He left the room for about five minutes. I suppose he thought being not-tardy meant tagging his chair, which I will refer to as "safe" (you know, like in Tag). This logic applies to everything, trust me. One time working at the grocery store, I was running late, but I made it just in time to swipe my card right before the time clock switched over to 9:01. Having clocked in, I walked outside the store and stood around doing nothing, just to show the grocery store that I was a rebel...... Okay, that didn't happen, but you get the idea. Back to the story.
     "And were you here for roll?" I ask him.
     "No, but I was just outside."
     "That makes you tardy. Or, I suppose, I could mark it as cutting class."
     What happened following this was an endless barrage of pleas to not mark him tardy because his truancy officer would be mad at him.

     And so this is my plea. Kids. And heck, everybody, because this really isn't just about kids in school. Guess what? Some people don't bend rules. I'm one of those people. If you are tardy, then at least accept that you are tardy and accept the consequences. If you have a truancy officer that would get really mad at you for being tardy, then (wait for it.....) don't be tardy! And if you're going to be tardy, at least make it good. It's like stealing a penny. It's still stealing, so why not steal more? ....Don't steal, kids.

     Which brings me to my next random rebellious act: leaving early. It's my fault as a poor substitute, but sometimes kids just love to "line up at" (mob) the door a couple minutes before the bell rings. I suppose that two second walk from their desk to the door is just a huge waste of their time. So anyway, they're all mobbing the door and occasionally, the door opens. I hate this because if a school administrator came by and saw that all my kids were hanging out the door, I'd be talked to for sucking at teaching. The kids will get in trouble, too, but there's just a certain shame in watching the kids you're supposed to be controlling getting yelled at for being out of line. It should've been my job, and I didn't do it. My family is shamed. So I get mad when the door opens at all and make the kids back away. But by now the mob-menality has kicked in and they won't do it. Whatever. Just don't open the door again, jerks.

     But every once in a while, one of them will try to sneak out early. I usually notice them and tell them before they leave "if you leave, I'm marking you as cutting class." Much like the Jacob-incident, they don't see that as fitting punishment. "A class cut for thirty seconds!? Come on Mr. B!" And I reply with the exact same statement, for it is the perfect counter-argument. "Why do you want a class cut for only thirty seconds?" I ask them. Again, I'm a rules guy. If you disobey, you will be punished. Don't steal a penny. It isn't worth it. But once again, I think this problem extends to the workplace as well. Employees sometimes will cut out early, and often for good reason. "Hey, can I cut out ten minutes early? My daughter is at soccer practice and my wife can't pick her up so she'll be alone at Blood Crip Park." That's fine, assuming your boss okays it and it's for a good reason. But some people will just leave work a minute early just to get home a minute earlier. "I gotta get home so I can play Call of Duty for three hours and one minute! Yesterday I only played for three hours, and it was such a drag, man!"

     There are so many rebellious acts that kids will do for no reason. I really don't understand the attention-seekers that will do bad things, especially when the class gets mad at them for it. I understand that it is hilarious when you say "Hi!" or "What!?" or "BOOYAH!" when I call your name for roll. Oh man. So funny. It's such a riot. Whole class is laughing. Even ol' Mr B., who has heard it a zillion times. He just rolls around on the floor and hopes the next person on the list tops that hilarity! But what about those times that Evil Mr. B is waiting for quiet and is watching the clock, taking all the time you spend talking and converting it into time the class will stay after the bell, thus reducing your lunch or making you stay after school? You say something stupid, and suddenly, you're not funny. The class just shushes you and yells at you to shut up. It didn't work. Your charm has worn off. What to do? Maybe try again. Say something stupid again.....Gasp! They still didn't think it was funny! Even the person you spoke to directly has ignored you! What's up with that? Why doesn't he want to get in trouble? Why does he want to leave class on time? Why will he not associate with you while you are making the whole class suffer? He knows both of you care entirely what your peers think! ......Try it again. Let's say something really stupid...........Gasp x2! Your funny has worn off! Something is terribly wrong! It's as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Is the charm truly gone? Has this class finally given up on Jacob the Hilarious? Do they not remember the good times, like when you jumped out of your chair and said "That's me!" during roll? Is it them? Or is it you? Maybe you moved too fast? Maybe too slow? One last try......... Okay, it's truly over. Evil Mr. B has won them over.

     Perhaps in the future I will discuss more of these pointless acts of rebellion that kids do. I understand that messing with subs is some kind of game to kids. It's a relief that your strict, rules-savy teacher is not here, so you can finally do everything you always wanted to do.....in class. But at least something like switching seats to sit by a friend makes sense, even if you have to go as far as saying another kid's name in roll call to keep up the charade. But why be tardy to class when you aren't even taking advantage of your time? Why declare you will not do the assignment and draw attention to yourself when you could just not do the assignment? I understand that in elementary school, you're just starting to learn about this kind of thing, and this is what school is for, but why haven't you figured it out by high school?

Final Remarks:

Students:

     I get that you have a handbook for messing with subs. It's like those guides telling you how to screw around in a Wal-Mart. You've gotta try some out (I...guess). But please make sure the crime fits the punishment. To assume you'll not be punished because your sub might let things slide is a poor judgement call. Even if you've had a terrible sub before and got away with everything, it won't happen all the time. Some of us are good, rule-abiding subs, and it will be your downfall. Before you take an action, think about what the punishment should be for your action and decide if it's worth it.

Teachers:

     Not much advice for you. All I can say is that the more info you can give about classroom policies, the better. Kids will do things, then probably try to tell us substitutes that you let them do it. The biggest offenders are bathroom passes and seat changes. State clearly what your policy is so that we can point to the line in our sub notes when a kid asks and say "He/She said no....See?"

Substitutes:

     Don't let them get away with things. If we continue to let rules be broken, then kids will believe they can do it. Trust me, I am not a good sub yet, but I have definitely improved since I've become a rule-enforcer. If you let things slide, you will go home every day with a headache from all the noise. This is for the community of substitutes. Join up, fellow subs! We will rise and give a new name to substitute teaching! No longer will we be assumed to be place-holders that don't care what the students do! If he's tardy...mark him tardy! And then, rub it in his face! ....Just kidding about the rubbing it in their faces part. We have integrity, we subs.

Parents:

     Just make sure to emphasize what I told the students. Make sure the crime fits the punishment. Do the same at home. Follow through with consequences so that your kids understand them. I won't tell you how to parent, since I'm not a parent myself, but I see all-too-many kids that don't understand why they get punished. Also, they don't seem to realize long-term effects. Sometimes my punishment is writing down the troublesome students' names for the teacher to have the next day. I have heard many cases where students got detention or something of the like because of the note, but nobody really believes that tomorrow will hurt them. "I got away with it! All he did was write down my name, so I'm safe!" On the flip-side, I've seen some students that get on my bad list and are suddenly devoted to getting their name off of this horrible list. To the parents of these kids: Good job.